Really need some good advice teen son spiraling

[Anonymous]

I have posted about this before but a great, free resource for parents and kids is the Boys Town National Hotline at 1-800-448-3000. It is staffed 24/7/365 by paid, trained counselors. Their whole purpose is to help kids a lot like yours, OP. It doesn't matter when you call them - in the middle of a crisis or when you're trying to think through options - the counselors can help. They work with boys and girls of all ages up to the age of 18. Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Lots of great answers. I would also consider considering his spiritual health and if connecting to God/other spiritual truths could be helpful (not in a legalistic, bashing way of course but in an accepting love/worth kind of way).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of great answers. I would also consider considering his spiritual health and if connecting to God/other spiritual truths could be helpful (not in a legalistic, bashing way of course but in an accepting love/worth kind of way).

I agree with this (I am OP) as it’s how I deal with all of this but not sure how you make someone to that. He’s been exposed.

[Anonymous]

Op have you posted on the kids with special needs board?

Is the ADHD managed? Does he have support for the learning disabilities?

My teen has ADHD and I thought he was going off the rails. His ADHD is treated but not managed well and I started reading everything and anything.

If the ADHD is not managed so that the kids can be successful, the kids are at very high risk for self medicating as they get older. As high school gets harder, LDs that kids compensated for can cause mental health and behavioral problems when they get overwhelmed and aren't getting the supports they need.

I think you should work on managing and treating the LDs and the ADHD and work with a therapist for the depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is 16. He needs a major detox and wellness reboot. We are dealing with the following:

Nicotine addiction
Marijuana use -
Some drinking
Getting sick all the time - flu, now may have mono, chronic mouth infections, stomach issues
Off and on depression
Learning disabilities and adhd
Poor nutrition
Poor sleep
He’s also recovering from several serious fractures from an accident a few months ago

What would you do. I’ve tried most of the traditional ways of helping him with the above (therapy, boundaries, consequences, meds). I’m afraid he spiraling and we need to have a real reboot. I’m not sure inpatient treatment is what’s needed but wishing there was some kind of very healthy, holistic place to send him to help get a reset, so he can realize how much better life is when you treat your body and mind well

NP. The nutrition is the problem. It could explain everything else on your list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were in your shoes five years ago.

We changed the way we approached the situation by accepting weed/vaping/drinking was beyond our control. We confiscated and expressed our concern, but did not punish. Instead of always being upset with him, we tried to emphasize our love for him even though it was very difficult at times. We encouraged him with ways to manage the ADHD w/o the meds and really tried to show compassion when he found himself in messes because of it instead of being angry with his carelessness which was really the ADHD. With the sleep/eating/exercie habits, I tried to encourage better habits by reminding him and encouraging him, but I don't think it changed much.

How’s he doing now?

[Anonymous]

talk with an educational consultant...Patti Murphy at Life Compass Partners in Chevy Chase was amazing....residential treatment/boarding school...and NOT Newport - have not heard good things. Join the FB group for "Wilderness therapy and residential search support" to get other parents help.

[Anonymous]

Deal with the ADHD, depression, and learning disabilities first. Medication, therapy, and tutoring if he needs it. If he’s already on meds, he needs a medication tweak. Common as they go through puberty, hormone levels are changing and they’re also getting physically bigger and might need a larger dose as a result. If he’s not on meds he needs to get on them ASAP. Go through a child psychiatrist, not just a GP. Also consider he may have some undiagnosed anxiety along with his ADHD and depression. Does he have an IEP and/or 504 plan? You might want to post on the SN forum. He is entitled to accommodations through the schools.

I think after you get his mental health under control, some of the other issues (pot, drinking, vaping) may stop or lessen. He won’t be trying to self medicate anymore if his mental health is more under control through prescription meds and therapy. I might also consider home-schooling for a time. You can go through a program like K-12 and he can do some work online. I think that might help get the physical health issues under control because he won’t be physically around so many kids and their associated germs at school. I myself had a period of bad illnesses in high school - I think some kids get sick with something, and then get sick again and again while their immune system is weakened and they just never have a chance to recover. And that can definitely have an adverse affect on their mental health!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Deal with the ADHD, depression, and learning disabilities first. Medication, therapy, and tutoring if he needs it. If he’s already on meds, he needs a medication tweak. Common as they go through puberty, hormone levels are changing and they’re also getting physically bigger and might need a larger dose as a result. If he’s not on meds he needs to get on them ASAP. Go through a child psychiatrist, not just a GP. Also consider he may have some undiagnosed anxiety along with his ADHD and depression. Does he have an IEP and/or 504 plan? You might want to post on the SN forum. He is entitled to accommodations through the schools.

I think after you get his mental health under control, some of the other issues (pot, drinking, vaping) may stop or lessen. He won’t be trying to self medicate anymore if his mental health is more under control through prescription meds and therapy. I might also consider home-schooling for a time. You can go through a program like K-12 and he can do some work online. I think that might help get the physical health issues under control because he won’t be physically around so many kids and their associated germs at school. I myself had a period of bad illnesses in high school - I think some kids get sick with something, and then get sick again and again while their immune system is weakened and they just never have a chance to recover. And that can definitely have an adverse affect on their mental health!

Yes, this! THIS, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were in your shoes five years ago.

We changed the way we approached the situation by accepting weed/vaping/drinking was beyond our control. We confiscated and expressed our concern, but did not punish. Instead of always being upset with him, we tried to emphasize our love for him even though it was very difficult at times. We encouraged him with ways to manage the ADHD w/o the meds and really tried to show compassion when he found himself in messes because of it instead of being angry with his carelessness which was really the ADHD. With the sleep/eating/exercie habits, I tried to encourage better habits by reminding him and encouraging him, but I don't think it changed much.

How’s he doing now?

Doing great in college. Nicotine vaping has stopped. Still using weed, but it seems to be more social, not daily. Our relationship is much better, I think the separation made us appreciate each other more. Has had repeated episodes of depression, but he is much more proactive about seeking therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were in your shoes five years ago.

We changed the way we approached the situation by accepting weed/vaping/drinking was beyond our control. We confiscated and expressed our concern, but did not punish. Instead of always being upset with him, we tried to emphasize our love for him even though it was very difficult at times. We encouraged him with ways to manage the ADHD w/o the meds and really tried to show compassion when he found himself in messes because of it instead of being angry with his carelessness which was really the ADHD. With the sleep/eating/exercie habits, I tried to encourage better habits by reminding him and encouraging him, but I don't think it changed much.

How’s he doing now?

Doing great in college. Nicotine vaping has stopped. Still using weed, but it seems to be more social, not daily. Our relationship is much better, I think the separation made us appreciate each other more. Has had repeated episodes of depression, but he is much more proactive about seeking therapy.

That’s great. As parents, we are more inclined to this approach. I just can’t do the whole drug test, punishment thing for good or for bad. With his mental health concerns, and we’ve had suicide ideation, I try to keep lines of communication open. There are some other health reasons for this need for communication/openness too that I can’t go into as too self identifying. Glad he’s on a better path! Thanks for responding

[Anonymous]

Addictions seem to be part of our lives. Some have more devastating results than others. I’ve never dealt with the type of addictions your son has, but my heart goes out to you. May I suggest seeing a man or woman of faith? God can do much more than the world gives him credit for. You are in my prayers!

[Anonymous]

Military School - he needs to get it together and touchy feely psychobabble will not help. He needs to own himself and his mistakes

[Anonymous]

Parents also need to realize that often they are a big part of the problem, even if they mean well, which is why sending the boy away to military school will help. There is too much medicalization these days of kids/teens behavior problems. I have known several people who have had serious addictions to hard drugs or alcohol and none of them got over it from “treatment” where they usually relapsed within a few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Military School - he needs to get it together and touchy feely psychobabble will not help. He needs to own himself and his mistakes

This is terrible advice.