Really need some good advice teen son spiraling

[Anonymous]

My son is 16. He needs a major detox and wellness reboot. We are dealing with the following:

Nicotine addiction
Marijuana use -
Some drinking
Getting sick all the time - flu, now may have mono, chronic mouth infections, stomach issues
Off and on depression
Learning disabilities and adhd
Poor nutrition
Poor sleep
He’s also recovering from several serious fractures from an accident a few months ago

What would you do. I’ve tried most of the traditional ways of helping him with the above (therapy, boundaries, consequences, meds). I’m afraid he spiraling and we need to have a real reboot. I’m not sure inpatient treatment is what’s needed but wishing there was some kind of very healthy, holistic place to send him to help get a reset, so he can realize how much better life is when you treat your body and mind well

[Anonymous]

I am at exactly the same place with DD. Not sure what to do.

[Anonymous]

Have you looked into farm-based rehab and mental health programs? Something like this (for families and a very narrow age band): https://www.foothillsatredoak.com

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I know you said no to inpatient, but what about a boarding school? I’d that something you’d consider?

[Anonymous]

Inpatient hospitalization is basically for stabilization. You may want to consider residential treatment. You might want to check with your insurance carrier to see what programs they cover and then look into them unless you can private pay. Cost is around $12,000 a month.

I’ve been i your shoes and didn’t find partial hospitalization helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am at exactly the same place with DD. Not sure what to do.

Op here. I’m so sorry. It’s so frustrating and agonizing - what have you guys tried or thought about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I know you said no to inpatient, but what about a boarding school? I’d that something you’d consider?

That is absolutely the wrong place to send him, apart from the fact that it's very hard to get into a good boarding school (like Episcopal? Andover?). That's not what they are for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I know you said no to inpatient, but what about a boarding school? I’d that something you’d consider?

That is absolutely the wrong place to send him, apart from the fact that it's very hard to get into a good boarding school (like Episcopal? Andover?). That's not what they are for.

OP agree. Also he’d likely get worse I fear

[Anonymous]

try Newport academy

[Anonymous]

Some sort of exercise could be helpful. Maybe weightlifting or some other sort of fun exercisy thing.
I was sent to literally a remote farm with my grandparents when I went through rebellion phase around 16. That summer is now one of my best memories.

[Anonymous]

Honestly - I'd prioritize. Therapy. You're not going to be able to fix the whole list at once. The smoking is not great, but maybe you could work on some of the more acute things first and open up the lines of communication. That will set the stage to form a positive relationship to problem solve.

Have you tried family therapy? Clicking with the right one can be a chore, but once you do, you at least have a framework and open communication line to work on some of these things.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have great advice, sorry. I am sorry you are going through this and understand it is so hard - my siblings child in similar struggle. Take it seriously and good like seeking treatment and support for all. I am wishing you and your family good luck and time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some sort of exercise could be helpful. Maybe weightlifting or some other sort of fun exercisy thing.
I was sent to literally a remote farm with my grandparents when I went through rebellion phase around 16. That summer is now one of my best memories.

Not OP, but that makes total sense. I think being away from the environment that caused the issues plus being in nature is probably very beneficial.

[Anonymous]

We were in your shoes five years ago.

We changed the way we approached the situation by accepting weed/vaping/drinking was beyond our control. We confiscated and expressed our concern, but did not punish. Instead of always being upset with him, we tried to emphasize our love for him even though it was very difficult at times. We encouraged him with ways to manage the ADHD w/o the meds and really tried to show compassion when he found himself in messes because of it instead of being angry with his carelessness which was really the ADHD. With the sleep/eating/exercie habits, I tried to encourage better habits by reminding him and encouraging him, but I don't think it changed much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is 16. He needs a major detox and wellness reboot. We are dealing with the following:

Nicotine addiction
Marijuana use -
Some drinking
Getting sick all the time - flu, now may have mono, chronic mouth infections, stomach issues
Off and on depression
Learning disabilities and adhd
Poor nutrition
Poor sleep
He’s also recovering from several serious fractures from an accident a few months ago

What would you do. I’ve tried most of the traditional ways of helping him with the above (therapy, boundaries, consequences, meds). I’m afraid he spiraling and we need to have a real reboot. I’m not sure inpatient treatment is what’s needed but wishing there was some kind of very healthy, holistic place to send him to help get a reset, so he can realize how much better life is when you treat your body and mind well

So sorry. He needs a total reboot. Vitamins, healthy eating, some type of spiritual therapy, weekend trips to get away somewhere with him. Monastery retreat, something. Father/son weekends to get him back on track. Check his levels of nutrients.