‘Rules Girls’ after divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3rd date rule has changed to a 2 date rule

I agree. Most women I've been with in the last ten years had sex with me on first date, the rest were second date if the first date went well. It's been a long time since a woman explained to me about the not-before-3rd-date rule to not look like slut, or something. And she rushed through those first dates as fast as she could. Seriously, I was willing to wait a bit longer and expected to wait until after a few more dates.

The first date, really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were a "Rules Girl" and your marriage ended in divorce, why would you follow that advice again? Clearly "The Rules" didn't work for you.

Yep lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, we are probably about the same age. My dear friend went through a nasty divorce last year of her (now ex) husband with whom she had been together since freshman year of college. Point being that not only was she back on the dating scene after a long while, she had not even been on it very long in the first place before she partnered up. What she was most surprised and upset by at first was that she would seem to make a connection with a guy, have sex, and then he would ghost her. This happened to her twice and she was devastated all over because it re-ignited her insecurities that the divorce caused. Anyway, she developed a thicker skin and decided to mentally treat those as necessary flings and to be very slow with future dates. That is what works for her and you will figure out what works for you.

I have two recently divorced friends who experienced similar.
We are all 45 and married/dated in our 20s pre-internet dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we are probably about the same age. My dear friend went through a nasty divorce last year of her (now ex) husband with whom she had been together since freshman year of college. Point being that not only was she back on the dating scene after a long while, she had not even been on it very long in the first place before she partnered up. What she was most surprised and upset by at first was that she would seem to make a connection with a guy, have sex, and then he would ghost her. This happened to her twice and she was devastated all over because it re-ignited her insecurities that the divorce caused. Anyway, she developed a thicker skin and decided to mentally treat those as necessary flings and to be very slow with future dates. That is what works for her and you will figure out what works for you.

I have two recently divorced friends who experienced similar.
We are all 45 and married/dated in our 20s pre-internet dating.

I think this is a good point. It’s easier for men to find women to have sex with now and to date multiple women at once. This has made me slower to have sex with men and slower to trust them. I also make sure we have discussed exclusivity and dating goals (are you in this for an ltr etc) before having sex as well as asking the guy to get tested. Also op, get the hpv vaccine now, before you sleep with anyone. And use condoms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My concern is more about being taken seriously - being seen as a potential relationship, not a fun fling.

To get at this point I don't think that men will be less likely to see you as a relationship prospect if you have sex with them early. They are just as likely to think that you're great for being so into them and lose interest if you hold out too long because they don't think you're interested.

What *is* something to be think about is that most second or third dates don't end up in relationships. So if you hook up with someone early, odds are they won't be a long term prospect. So I think that sometimes women will hook up with some guy on the third date and when it doesn't work out think that the guy downgraded them or thought they were sl*ts or something. That's not what happened. Most third dates don't end up as relationships and hooking up doesn't change that. So if you only want to sleep with men who will be long term prospects/boyfriends, don't hook up on the second date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we are probably about the same age. My dear friend went through a nasty divorce last year of her (now ex) husband with whom she had been together since freshman year of college. Point being that not only was she back on the dating scene after a long while, she had not even been on it very long in the first place before she partnered up. What she was most surprised and upset by at first was that she would seem to make a connection with a guy, have sex, and then he would ghost her. This happened to her twice and she was devastated all over because it re-ignited her insecurities that the divorce caused. Anyway, she developed a thicker skin and decided to mentally treat those as necessary flings and to be very slow with future dates. That is what works for her and you will figure out what works for you.

I have two recently divorced friends who experienced similar.
We are all 45 and married/dated in our 20s pre-internet dating.

I think this is a good point. It’s easier for men to find women to have sex with now and to date multiple women at once. This has made me slower to have sex with men and slower to trust them. I also make sure we have discussed exclusivity and dating goals (are you in this for an ltr etc) before having sex as well as asking the guy to get tested. Also op, get the hpv vaccine now, before you sleep with anyone. And use condoms

This is my experience as well. You need to do what works for you. If your expectations of when you have sex are not in line with the guy you're dating, then it's not a good match. Move on.

[Anonymous]

I'm not a Rules girl, but I've never been one to jump into sex too soon. I like to know a guy pretty well before I cross that bridge, and sometimes the relationship changes once sex is in the mix, and not for the better. I figure, you can always go forward, but once you go there, you can't go back.

I don't think I have ever had sex literally on the third date. A couple of times I've hooked up on the first date (or before that) but way more often, I've gone out with someone 6-10 times before doing it. I love sex, but I'd rather see if the relationship has any potential before going there, and you can't always tell that by date 3.

If the guy isn't on board with waiting a few dates, he's probably not in it for the long haul. And sometimes they are dating more than one person, and I'd rather not sleep with someone who has other current partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3rd date rule has changed to a 2 date rule

I agree. Most women I've been with in the last ten years had sex with me on first date, the rest were second date if the first date went well. It's been a long time since a woman explained to me about the not-before-3rd-date rule to not look like slut, or something. And she rushed through those first dates as fast as she could. Seriously, I was willing to wait a bit longer and expected to wait until after a few more dates.

Ok, honey

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My concern is more about being taken seriously - being seen as a potential relationship, not a fun fling.

To get at this point I don't think that men will be less likely to see you as a relationship prospect if you have sex with them early. They are just as likely to think that you're great for being so into them and lose interest if you hold out too long because they don't think you're interested.

What *is* something to be think about is that most second or third dates don't end up in relationships. So if you hook up with someone early, odds are they won't be a long term prospect. So I think that sometimes women will hook up with some guy on the third date and when it doesn't work out think that the guy downgraded them or thought they were sl*ts or something. That's not what happened. Most third dates don't end up as relationships and hooking up doesn't change that. So if you only want to sleep with men who will be long term prospects/boyfriends, don't hook up on the second date.

entirely dependent on the dynamics between 2 individuals and I think maturity/age has something to go with it. in my post divorce dating days (I was 40 at the time), I went on a first date with a woman (37 years old) where we ended up making out in the parking lot of a local music club, and the 2nd date we ended up in bed, that relationship fizzled after 3 months as she moved to the west coast with her son to start a new career (closer to her mom). Few months late, had another first date with a woman (she was 48) where she mauled me in the parking garage - basically mounted me on top of her car. We were together for a few months before parting. Met my now wife (38 year old when we met), and on our 2nd date, we did everything but PIV and we married a year later. We now have been together for 10 years, have a beautifully blended family and still are hot and passionate for each other.

[Anonymous]

Rule #1 Love yourself
Rule #2 Love someone who also has healthy self-love
Rule #3 Don’t compromise or ask the other person to compromise for you.

There are no other rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a millennial and I was a “rules girl.” The rules still apply. User men hate high expectations women. Be demanding and screen them out.

Everyone said I was “high maintenance.” Fine with me. All the “cool” girls got treated like garbage by men.

You would probably think I'm a "cool girl" because I love football, beer and wings. But it's not a front, that's really who I am and I've been married happily for 15 years.

Though I suppose there are girls who are fake for guys attention and then let them treat them like crap. I hope as a society we are moving away from girls getting all their self-esteem from being in a relationship with a boy. I'm certainly not raising my daughter that way!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were a "Rules Girl" and your marriage ended in divorce, why would you follow that advice again? Clearly "The Rules" didn't work for you.

Yep lol

I didn’t have many rules and divorced, so it can also works both ways. Depends on the rules, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were a "Rules Girl" and your marriage ended in divorce, why would you follow that advice again? Clearly "The Rules" didn't work for you.

Yep lol

Yup how'd that work out for you? Lemme guess, your DH was a sexist, lazy jerk?

Why don't you be yourself and do what you feel? Why is this a difficult concept?

Or maybe figure out how to be happy on your own without a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rule #1 Love yourself
Rule #2 Love someone who also has healthy self-love
Rule #3 Don’t compromise or ask the other person to compromise for you.

There are no other rules.

Love this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3rd date rule has changed to a 2 date rule

I agree. Most women I've been with in the last ten years had sex with me on first date, the rest were second date if the first date went well. It's been a long time since a woman explained to me about the not-before-3rd-date rule to not look like slut, or something. And she rushed through those first dates as fast as she could. Seriously, I was willing to wait a bit longer and expected to wait until after a few more dates.

The first date, really?

Yes, seriously. A d by first date we had texted or talked a lot abkut it.