‘Rules Girls’ after divorce

[Anonymous]

OK, so I”m re-entering the dating pool in my 40s after a miserable marriage and divorce. The last time I dated I probably would have been termed a ‘rules girl,’ which seems ridiculous now. But if I’m interested in relationships (not just hookups), is there a new normal? Does the 3rd date rule still apply? Or do we all just do whatever we want because, heck - we’re grown ups!

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

At the end of the day - if you have your own internal guidelines, stick to them.

Make your intentions clear - you are looking to pursue a relationship. Don't do anything you're not comfortable with - and yes, you're grown so if you feel like jumping bones the first date - it's what you can live with.

Don't expect too much - and enjoy the company. Look at dating as a way to socialize and meet a potential partner that will enhance your life as it is - not necessarily make it better or fix it.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Do you have DCs? How old?

[Anonymous]

OP here - yes, in ES and MS. Why?

[Anonymous]

OP, do what feels right to YOU. Don't work off of anybody else's rulebook, written or otherwise.

[Anonymous]

My concern is more about being taken seriously - being seen as a potential relationship, not a fun fling.

[Anonymous]

"The Rules"?!

LOL

[Anonymous]

If you were a "Rules Girl" and your marriage ended in divorce, why would you follow that advice again? Clearly "The Rules" didn't work for you.

[Anonymous]

So how did the rules end up working for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were a "Rules Girl" and your marriage ended in divorce, why would you follow that advice again? Clearly "The Rules" didn't work for you.

I agree with this. “The Rules” attract a certain kind of guy who is narcissistic and a little aggressive.

Find some hobbies. Meet other people. Keep the rules that work for you (don’t de facto move in with someone...don’t introduce your kids early on), and toss the ones about never returning a call or walking around in circles wearing your sexiest clothes.

[Anonymous]

OP here - yes, in ES and MS. Why?

This is a concern. Op, do you really not know why?
OP, there may be some general shallowness to your character that needs your introspection: loved ones need assurance that their home life is stable and predictable. Children are emotionally vulnerable, especially to loss ... a loss of someone they've grown close to - such as a parent who is now more absent or a parent's love-interest who they grew to trust and was now vanished from the scene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here - yes, in ES and MS. Why?

This is a concern. Op, do you really not know why?
OP, there may be some general shallowness to your character that needs your introspection: loved ones need assurance that their home life is stable and predictable. Children are emotionally vulnerable, especially to loss ... a loss of someone they've grown close to - such as a parent who is now more absent or a parent's love-interest who they grew to trust and was now vanished from the scene.

Oh please, I think she is perfectly capable of dating and being a good mom. I don't get from her that she is this kind of woman. I think it's ridiculous you would go there. We can't be good moms to our kids if we never ever think of our needs. It's ridiculous.

Not that this relates to her situation, but I am convinced that I am still married and happy after 35 years because we never forgot that our relationship came before our kids. If we were not nurturing our relationship then the kids would be doomed. They are now grown, all went to great universities, never came back home after college, and are now having their own families.

[Anonymous]

3rd date rule has changed to a 2 date rule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here - yes, in ES and MS. Why?

This is a concern. Op, do you really not know why?
OP, there may be some general shallowness to your character that needs your introspection: loved ones need assurance that their home life is stable and predictable. Children are emotionally vulnerable, especially to loss ... a loss of someone they've grown close to - such as a parent who is now more absent or a parent's love-interest who they grew to trust and was now vanished from the scene.

Oh please, I think she is perfectly capable of dating and being a good mom. I don't get from her that she is this kind of woman. I think it's ridiculous you would go there. We can't be good moms to our kids if we never ever think of our needs. It's ridiculous.

Not that this relates to her situation, but I am convinced that I am still married and happy after 35 years because we never forgot that our relationship came before our kids. If we were not nurturing our relationship then the kids would be doomed. They are now grown, all went to great universities, never came back home after college, and are now having their own families.

Oh for gods sakes. I’m dating a guy with fifty fifty custody. He sees his kids just as much. We see each other when they are with his mom and sometimes I join them for occasional events. the fact I am dating their dad doesn’t affect their dads attention towards or amount of time with them at all.

[Anonymous]

Pp above. The quote function didn’t work. I was agreeing with the last poster and adding my own perspective. The guys I’m dating spends just as much time with his kids as he did before he started dating.