Making an elderly parent be more active

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds depressed. I think a lot of elderly people want to useful, not just be babysat at elder care centers. Is there anything he could do that would be useful to you? Like making a snack for your kids when they come home or prepping dinner? Organizing family photos? Or raking leaves, sweeping the porch, anything you can think of?

You don't understand elder care centers. It was a beast getting my parent to agree to try one, but it is a lifesaver. They are not babysat. They socialize and make friends and you have the peace of mind of knowing there are trained professionals who can deal with falls and other medical issues. My parent who adamantly refused eldercare, loved it. It helped to say "this is where you need to be to be safe while I got to work/doctor's appointments, etc. You just have them try it one day for an hour or 2 and build from there. They have fun activities and other things. A good senior care place will boost the spirits.

Just as much as one person will love it, the next person will hate it. Not one size fits all. Many older people
are allergic to strangers and new situations of that sort and no amount of convincing will do. Matter of
personality. I know many examples for each side and I would not press the issue to the point of
making an elder person upset. It is kind of abusive and harassment if you ask me. No means no

No professional will tell you it is good for an old person to sit and let their mind rot while sleeping and watching TV all day. They need new experiences. In some ways it is one size fits all in that they ALL need stimulation. Evert elderly person I know who has benefitted refused to go over and over. Dementia makes the brain different. Over half of toddlers flip out going to preschool at some point, but most of them benefit from what it does for their brains and well being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 82 y.o. father came to stay with us from overseas for 6 months. It's been a struggle to make him do anything: all he wants is to stay in his room and watch TV in his native language. He refuses to learn English with a tutor(swears he can't retain the new info), refuses to go to the elderly daycare center where they have all the activities in his language, refuses to read citing bad eyesight (it's not true, we had his eyes checked and he's fine), etc. He lies to me about exercising and is also moody and grumpy. What do I do to make him more active? My older sister overseas is better than me in making him do things, but she is a pro at nagging.

Are you serious?
Your dad is 82. Most people at this age are already long dead. Why are you forcing him to do stuff. He probably feels that he is done
doing and he just want to relax and do nothing much. He earned it probably too. Why in heaven would you force him to LEARN
English at this age when he is here only for 6 months? Why do you need to send him to a daycare where is bunch of strangers
who he probably does not want to socialize with? Why he needs to excersize the way you feel fit.

No wonder he is moody and grumpy. He is not a child, not a toddler, he is an independent and old person who is also
your parent and he is nor running for a translator job, nor getting ready for a marathon nor need to catch up all
the reading in the world. He probably has nothing much to learn from books and if he does not want to read
them for pleasure but prefers to watch tv then why not?

It seems OP like you are OCD and have all organized and set for him and you just want to squeeze him into
your idea of fun for him. You need to stand back and see him for who he is. Really old person who also
really need some break and rest. At this age you don't need to make him productive and utilize
his every waking moment. Let him be.

Just let him be and choose whatever he wants to do, ask him if there is anything you can do for him
but do not ask him to do things for you, you already offered and he does not want to cooperate
just to make you happy. Let go.

Let go of everything and stop being angry at him as this is also reason why he is grumpy, he came
to feel loved and pampered a bit and not trained. Tell him how much you love him, tell him that
he is free to do anything he wants and then suggest that it would be lovely if he could accompany
you for a daily walk that you do, just for fun and some fresh air.

Take him shopping or just make list of his favorite food. Let him watch his TV. Ask whate
else you can do to make his stay more enjoyable. In 6 months he will be gone. This may
be his last trip. You never know. AT this age travel Is mor c hallenging every time.

Let go Elsa, Let go..

NP here. The PP above sounds a bit too strident to be helpful. And it's not accurate to make 82 sound like doomsday -- many people in their early 80's are doing quite well for their age.

[Anonymous]

He's 82. Leave him alone!

[Anonymous]

You can's "make him" be more active.

Try not to judge him, since you have never been his age.

You can suggest activities that you think he will enjoy. Start small, so he is no intimidated. Make them easy to try out.

Remember, you want him to be happy, not yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry, did not mean to sound awful or judgmental. In fact, I am scared that I’d park myself in front of the TV in my 80s, given out shared biology. I love him and I am concerned. I took him to a gerontologist and a psychiatrist. He had his meds adjusted and started doing better (he is on Prozac) in terms of his mood. I do think, and the doctors told me that encouraging activity will help his quality of life; attempting to learn the language will help keep his mind sharp. As to the eldercare - PP above is right on the spot. If he goes there for a couple hours a time he can at least play chess with someone and talk. It will also give me piece of mind while I am at work. He’ll be forced to socialize, learn things, maybe even exercise. He was amazed to be able to re-learn to go up and down the stairs. I made him do it every day after much protests and arguments. Also, I did not notice a personality change, but the decline in physical activity is noticeable.

My heart goes out to you OP. My mom is in her mid 70s and we are going through some of this with her. She has very early stage Parkinson's, and her doctor has said over and over that she needs to be active in order to preserve as much mental and physical functioning as possible - but she feels better just sitting on the couch most of the time. And she feels depressed about her loss of mobility, and how tired she is, and it makes her want to give up, too.

We - me, my sibling, my dad - do our best to encourage her to do more. She does some things - has a book club and takes some classes - but is largely sedentary, and it is breaking my heart to think of her deteriorating more than she has to.

I keep trying to remind myself that it is up to her, if she wants to do more or not - and nagging her isn't going to make a difference. But then I feel very badly for maybe not pushing enough.

I don't have any answers, just a huge amount of empathy. Good luck to you and your dad.