Making an elderly parent be more active
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Anonymous
| My 82 y.o. father came to stay with us from overseas for 6 months. It's been a struggle to make him do anything: all he wants is to stay in his room and watch TV in his native language. He refuses to learn English with a tutor(swears he can't retain the new info), refuses to go to the elderly daycare center where they have all the activities in his language, refuses to read citing bad eyesight (it's not true, we had his eyes checked and he's fine), etc. He lies to me about exercising and is also moody and grumpy. What do I do to make him more active? My older sister overseas is better than me in making him do things, but she is a pro at nagging. |
Anonymous
|
He probably came to see you to take a vacation from her.
Would he respond better to doing chores? Raking leaves, etc? Tell him you need to save money. |
Anonymous
| He sounds depressed. I think a lot of elderly people want to useful, not just be babysat at elder care centers. Is there anything he could do that would be useful to you? Like making a snack for your kids when they come home or prepping dinner? Organizing family photos? Or raking leaves, sweeping the porch, anything you can think of? |
Anonymous
| Whoa, 6 months is a long time. |
Anonymous
Nah, I think he would probably not even come here if we did not insist. My sister needs some time for her family and work, so I am trying to help out. Yes, thank you. He's been raking leaves, but then stopped when tripped and fell (not a bad fall). He got so lazy he forgot how to get up from a chair. I've been re-teaching him, making him climb the stair and all that. |
Anonymous
If he had a fall that resulted in memory loss, it is a bad fall. He needs to be checked out for a concussion and/or stroke. |
Anonymous
| Take a vacation yourself if you need it but stop badgering him. |
Anonymous
No, not a bad fall at all. No memory loss, not a bruise even. He just got scared. |
Anonymous
Wouldn’t you be concerned if someone you love stayed in bed watching tv for days? |
Anonymous
| Wow, you are awful. When I’m 82, I will be very grouchy if someone keeps harping at me, especially if I’m tired and in poor health! |
Anonymous
DP. I would be concerned, but it’s all in the attitude, isn’t it? OP is calling her 82 year old father “lazy” - that’s all I need to know about her attitude. |
Anonymous
Yes, of course, but it sounds like his inaction isn’t due to pure “laziness.” He sounds very unwell, possibly due to physical issues or possibly due to depression. |
Anonymous
| Let him be. The guy is 82. He’s tired. |
Anonymous
np. have you ever monitored the health of a 82 yo? If you do nothing, you are on a very quick downward spiral to being extremely physically (and mentally) frail. Exercise -- even just taking a daily walk around the block -- is very important. As is doing something other with your mind than staring at a screen. I have seen this with numerous elderly relatives. |
Anonymous
No. He is in death’s antechamber. Each one of us chooses how to face the end in our own way. Judgment is not helpful. |