Surprise! Hosting Thanksgiving...how to balance?

[Anonymous]

I mean, you have just one set of china, and that's it? Is it stacked in a triangular corner hutch that is never opened?

That seems so -- bourgeoisie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^Except some of us have china and want to use it. It would be harder for me to go out and buy mismatched stuff! I would have to actively go out of my way to buy mismatched "casual ware."

If you don't organically have mismatched table ware because, say, Aunt Edna gave you four plates, and you bought four plates in Mexico, and DH had three plates from his great-grandma, then it looks so forced and Pier 1-ish to do the "faux casual mismatched" thing.

I'm sorry, I thought everyone in the position of hosting like this had more than just one set of good china. My apologies!

I have service for 18 and typically have 12 guests when hosting my ILs, 14 when hosting my side. Tell me, exactly, why I would need another set of china? To host "like" what, exactly?

I have two sets: one with a simple platinum pattern (service for 18), and one in a holly berry pattern (again, service for 18). But I don't need to "mix and match" them to serve all of my guests on any given holiday or gathering, so why would I?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you have just one set of china, and that's it? Is it stacked in a triangular corner hutch that is never opened?

That seems so -- bourgeoisie?

You do get that most people have basic dinnerware, and then a set of china, yes? And maybe also a holiday set of china? I don't know a single person that "mixes and matches" their china for no reason, if they have enough plates of one type/in one pattern to serve all their guests.

Are you suggesting that my aunt use her everyday Crate and Barrell plates, mix them with my grandma's blue and gold Watergate china, and also mix in her husband's Golden Gate pattern just to mix and match? When she has 12 at least of each of those plates?

This makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^Except some of us have china and want to use it. It would be harder for me to go out and buy mismatched stuff! I would have to actively go out of my way to buy mismatched "casual ware."

If you don't organically have mismatched table ware because, say, Aunt Edna gave you four plates, and you bought four plates in Mexico, and DH had three plates from his great-grandma, then it looks so forced and Pier 1-ish to do the "faux casual mismatched" thing.

I'm sorry, I thought everyone in the position of hosting like this had more than just one set of good china. My apologies!

I have service for 18 and typically have 12 guests when hosting my ILs, 14 when hosting my side. Tell me, exactly, why I would need another set of china? To host "like" what, exactly?

?

I have two sets: one with a simple platinum pattern (service for 18), and one in a holly berry pattern (again, service for 18). But I don't need to "mix and match" them to serve all of my guests on any given holiday or gathering, so why would I?

To make it less formal than a formal setting, as was requested for ideas in the first post? I mean, nobody says you have to, but if you are looking for ideas on how to use china while balancying the formal with more informal ...

Are you OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you have just one set of china, and that's it? Is it stacked in a triangular corner hutch that is never opened?

That seems so -- bourgeoisie?

You do get that most people have basic dinnerware, and then a set of china, yes? And maybe also a holiday set of china? I don't know a single person that "mixes and matches" their china for no reason, if they have enough plates of one type/in one pattern to serve all their guests.

Are you suggesting that my aunt use her everyday Crate and Barrell plates, mix them with my grandma's blue and gold Watergate china, and also mix in her husband's Golden Gate pattern just to mix and match? When she has 12 at least of each of those plates?

This makes no sense.

Tell me -- do you have a corner hutch for the good china? I have to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^Except some of us have china and want to use it. It would be harder for me to go out and buy mismatched stuff! I would have to actively go out of my way to buy mismatched "casual ware."

If you don't organically have mismatched table ware because, say, Aunt Edna gave you four plates, and you bought four plates in Mexico, and DH had three plates from his great-grandma, then it looks so forced and Pier 1-ish to do the "faux casual mismatched" thing.

I'm sorry, I thought everyone in the position of hosting like this had more than just one set of good china. My apologies!

I have service for 18 and typically have 12 guests when hosting my ILs, 14 when hosting my side. Tell me, exactly, why I would need another set of china? To host "like" what, exactly?

I have two sets: one with a simple platinum pattern (service for 18), and one in a holly berry pattern (again, service for 18). But I don't need to "mix and match" them to serve all of my guests on any given holiday or gathering, so why would I?

NP. To host like old money, dear. Because then you have several heirloom sets you can mix and match. (I'm not sure if PP is trying to be helpful or troll you, though).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you have just one set of china, and that's it? Is it stacked in a triangular corner hutch that is never opened?

That seems so -- bourgeoisie?

You do get that most people have basic dinnerware, and then a set of china, yes? And maybe also a holiday set of china? I don't know a single person that "mixes and matches" their china for no reason, if they have enough plates of one type/in one pattern to serve all their guests.

Are you suggesting that my aunt use her everyday Crate and Barrell plates, mix them with my grandma's blue and gold Watergate china, and also mix in her husband's Golden Gate pattern just to mix and match? When she has 12 at least of each of those plates?

This makes no sense.

Tell me -- do you have a corner hutch for the good china? I have to know.

No. My china (two sets) is stored in our kitchen cupboards. So is our everyday table ware.

How is alternating a china plate with a platinum band and a china plate with a blue enamel and gold pattern any "less formal" than using all platinum bands? I have to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^Except some of us have china and want to use it. It would be harder for me to go out and buy mismatched stuff! I would have to actively go out of my way to buy mismatched "casual ware."

If you don't organically have mismatched table ware because, say, Aunt Edna gave you four plates, and you bought four plates in Mexico, and DH had three plates from his great-grandma, then it looks so forced and Pier 1-ish to do the "faux casual mismatched" thing.

I'm sorry, I thought everyone in the position of hosting like this had more than just one set of good china. My apologies!

I have service for 18 and typically have 12 guests when hosting my ILs, 14 when hosting my side. Tell me, exactly, why I would need another set of china? To host "like" what, exactly?

I have two sets: one with a simple platinum pattern (service for 18), and one in a holly berry pattern (again, service for 18). But I don't need to "mix and match" them to serve all of my guests on any given holiday or gathering, so why would I?

NP. To host like old money, dear. Because then you have several heirloom sets you can mix and match. (I'm not sure if PP is trying to be helpful or troll you, though).

I'm so confused. I thought OP wanted ways for her guests to feel more comfortable (so more informal?) but you and the PP are advocating for hosting "like old money"? (I'm honestly confused by the turn this thread has taken.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are the formal elements that you like that your DH's family doesn't use? And which of those are most important to you?

OP here. Thank you for the advice, all!

Most important to me:
-Using china (I only use it a few times a year, and I love it. My feeling is, why have it if you don't use it?)
-Homemade food (mostly; I am OK with a few things that are store-bought)
-No TV during the actual meal (though the suggestion to have it on but with volume off might be OK)

I am fine with people wearing whatever they want, but I am nervous that if they come in sweats or PJs and see the nice table and that DH and I are dressed a bit more nicely (I usually wear trousers and a blouse, and DH usually wears nice jeans and a sweater), they'll feel out of place. I don't want to tell anyone what to wear, but I also don't want them to feel like, "Hey, I would have dressed up if you told me!"

If you want to use your china, go for it, but remember that if it can't go in the dishwasher you are handing yourself a ton of work.

Have you don't a thanksgiving meal before? The biggest challenge is that you probably have just four burners and one oven and everything tends to need them at the last minute. Make the pies early in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are the formal elements that you like that your DH's family doesn't use? And which of those are most important to you?

OP here. Thank you for the advice, all!

Most important to me:
-Using china (I only use it a few times a year, and I love it. My feeling is, why have it if you don't use it?)
-Homemade food (mostly; I am OK with a few things that are store-bought)
-No TV during the actual meal (though the suggestion to have it on but with volume off might be OK)

I am fine with people wearing whatever they want, but I am nervous that if they come in sweats or PJs and see the nice table and that DH and I are dressed a bit more nicely (I usually wear trousers and a blouse, and DH usually wears nice jeans and a sweater), they'll feel out of place. I don't want to tell anyone what to wear, but I also don't want them to feel like, "Hey, I would have dressed up if you told me!"

If you want to use your china, go for it, but remember that if it can't go in the dishwasher you are handing yourself a ton of work.

Have you don't a thanksgiving meal before? The biggest challenge is that you probably have just four burners and one oven and everything tends to need them at the last minute. Make the pies early in the morning.

Not OP, but what is this fear of china/hand-washing that pops up on DCUM every around holiday season?

Do I hand-wash fine china every night of my life? Nope. Am I willing to do so on 3-5 special nights a year? Of course! It's fun to use the good stuff. Why have it, if you never use or enjoy it?

Plus, when you cook a big holiday meal, you shouldn't be cleaning. (Unless you want to.)

[Anonymous]

Sloppy BIL in his pajamas probably won't be helping to cleanup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you have just one set of china, and that's it? Is it stacked in a triangular corner hutch that is never opened?

That seems so -- bourgeoisie?

Bourgeoisie is the noun. I think you mean bourgeois, which is the adjective. If you wanted you could also call PP “a bourgeoise,” which would be sort of entertaining.

love,
no china, inherited or otherwise, but I do speak French! (/Class X)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you have just one set of china, and that's it? Is it stacked in a triangular corner hutch that is never opened?

That seems so -- bourgeoisie?

Bourgeoisie is the noun. I think you mean bourgeois, which is the adjective. If you wanted you could also call PP “a bourgeoise,” which would be sort of entertaining.

love,
no china, inherited or otherwise, but I do speak French! (/Class X)

Comment dites-vous "SICK BURN"?!

[Anonymous]

Make a formal invite with the dress code, firm times for courses, RSVP etc. That should signal that they can't show up in joggers and sit on the couch for 8 hrs. It will also signal to them that if that doesn't sound good to them they should politely decline.

[Anonymous]

NP and I also don't understand the mismatched plate thing.

If you don't have enough plates to use the same style of plates, of course I get the mismatched thing.

But if you have enough, why is it "less formal" or "more pleasing" to mismatch? Especially if you're mismatching china that's all still...china?