Surprise! Hosting Thanksgiving...how to balance?

[Anonymous]

All of a sudden, DH's mom says she's not into hosting Thanksgiving this year, and would we do it. We're fine with that; in fact, I'm looking forward to it!

Plenty of the work will be done by DH (getting the yard looking nice, setting up tables and chairs, making the pie crust, because that's important to him). But most of the cooking day-of will fall to me.

My concern is: I like to do more formal holiday celebrations, and his family is super casual. I'd like to find some sort of balance, as I recognize that this is "for" his family, but it's in the home I share with DH, and I want to please myself and set a nice tone in my own house.

Help me think of what a "happy medium" celebration will look like that does NOT involve TV trays or sweat pants, but won't make anyone who usually celebrates that way uncomfortable.

TIA!

[Anonymous]

Break out the fancy plates and silver. Have a specialty cocktail.

I usually set the table the day before and that helps set the stage.

I would keep most of the usual food, but maybe add in something you have always wanted. I ask around to see what each person thinks is the dish that makes Thanksgiving for them. That way I know not to eliminate the mashed potatoes, or the squash and instead can let go of the string beans in mushroom soup and that I can serve the fancy cranberry sauce but I better have the canned ‘without lumps” too.

[Anonymous]

Just make sure to let them know ahead of time that you're planning to do it in a bit more formal way so that they don't accidentally show up in sweats and feel out of place. As long as they know it's a bit fancier, they can still CHOOSE to wear sweats, but at least it would be a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just make sure to let them know ahead of time that you're planning to do it in a bit more formal way so that they don't accidentally show up in sweats and feel out of place. As long as they know it's a bit fancier, they can still CHOOSE to wear sweats, but at least it would be a choice.

Do not insist people dress up.. Break out the china etc but tell people they should be comfy..

[Anonymous]

Do what is important for you and don’t get bent out of shape if people do what they always did — change takes time.. Make a music playlist so there is nice music going all day so that the tv doesn’t annoy you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just make sure to let them know ahead of time that you're planning to do it in a bit more formal way so that they don't accidentally show up in sweats and feel out of place. As long as they know it's a bit fancier, they can still CHOOSE to wear sweats, but at least it would be a choice.

Do not insist people dress up.. Break out the china etc but tell people they should be comfy..

NP. I do think at least jeans should be worn instead of sweat pants or pajamas. I've never not been comfortable in the clothes I choose to wear to Thanksgiving--black ponte pants and a sweater or blouse. It's not like that's a full Victorian girdle and floor-length dress!

I've honestly never understood how essentially business casual or "nice jeans and a cute top" and the like are deemed uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

No one should ever wear sweats to Thanksgiving!

[Anonymous]

Be prepared for MIL to have an expectation that she is still running the show. She might have the idea that you hosting simply means that location has changed and she now has helpers she can boss around. Be careful and ready to be kind yet firm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one should ever wear sweats to Thanksgiving!

Or pajamas! Do families really do this?

Op, I’d drop subtle hints about your different approach (‘I’m excited the bust out the wedding china!’ ‘There’s a great app I’ve always wanted to try!’) hopefully that will be enough to have people show up in sweats or pjs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be prepared for MIL to have an expectation that she is still running the show. She might have the idea that you hosting simply means that location has changed and she now has helpers she can boss around. Be careful and ready to be kind yet firm.

dp You already have expectations of mom ruining Thanksgiving. wow. Maybe op's mom isn't your mom or MIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be prepared for MIL to have an expectation that she is still running the show. She might have the idea that you hosting simply means that location has changed and she now has helpers she can boss around. Be careful and ready to be kind yet firm.

Ha! This. My mom does this (approve the menu). I’m used to it and can navigate, but op, be prepared for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be prepared for MIL to have an expectation that she is still running the show. She might have the idea that you hosting simply means that location has changed and she now has helpers she can boss around. Be careful and ready to be kind yet firm.

dp You already have expectations of mom ruining Thanksgiving. wow. Maybe op's mom isn't your mom or MIL?

Project much?! Lol

Pp said nothing about ruining the day.

[Anonymous]

Make your preferred menu, then add (or assign) one or two dishes that DH's family likes.

For me, this means asking his mom to bring mashed rutabegas (can easily be made a day or two in advance, and I don't have to bother), and DH makes a from-a-pie-pumpkin pie. (Libby's is fine in my book, but this is important to them.) I will sometimes make creamed onions (which I loathe) if someone in his family requests them.

So it's about adding a few things to your menu that are "their" things. That way, they are reflected in the food.

As for keeping it balanced:

-If they usually use paper plates, you may consider using regular dinner plates versus full-on china.

-If they wear sweats and PJs, ask DH to tell them ahead of time that it will be jeans and sweaters, so they don't feel surprised. And don't try to swing the pendulum all the way to church clothes or semi-formal dress.

-Consider leaving the TV on for the parade, then on but with volume OFF for dinner time. (I can't even fathom the TV on during a holiday dinner, but that might be a decent way to compromise.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make your preferred menu, then add (or assign) one or two dishes that DH's family likes.

For me, this means asking his mom to bring mashed rutabegas (can easily be made a day or two in advance, and I don't have to bother), and DH makes a from-a-pie-pumpkin pie. (Libby's is fine in my book, but this is important to them.) I will sometimes make creamed onions (which I loathe) if someone in his family requests them.

So it's about adding a few things to your menu that are "their" things. That way, they are reflected in the food.

As for keeping it balanced:

-If they usually use paper plates, you may consider using regular dinner plates versus full-on china.

-If they wear sweats and PJs, ask DH to tell them ahead of time that it will be jeans and sweaters, so they don't feel surprised. And don't try to swing the pendulum all the way to church clothes or semi-formal dress.

-Consider leaving the TV on for the parade, then on but with volume OFF for dinner time. (I can't even fathom the TV on during a holiday dinner, but that might be a decent way to compromise.)

I always leave a tray of fruit out in the family room area (apples/pears and nonmessy fruit), so that people don’t come inside my kitchen prior to the meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make your preferred menu, then add (or assign) one or two dishes that DH's family likes.

For me, this means asking his mom to bring mashed rutabegas (can easily be made a day or two in advance, and I don't have to bother), and DH makes a from-a-pie-pumpkin pie. (Libby's is fine in my book, but this is important to them.) I will sometimes make creamed onions (which I loathe) if someone in his family requests them.

So it's about adding a few things to your menu that are "their" things. That way, they are reflected in the food.

As for keeping it balanced:

-If they usually use paper plates, you may consider using regular dinner plates versus full-on china.

-If they wear sweats and PJs, ask DH to tell them ahead of time that it will be jeans and sweaters, so they don't feel surprised. And don't try to swing the pendulum all the way to church clothes or semi-formal dress.

-Consider leaving the TV on for the parade, then on but with volume OFF for dinner time. (I can't even fathom the TV on during a holiday dinner, but that might be a decent way to compromise.)

I always leave a tray of fruit out in the family room area (apples/pears and nonmessy fruit), so that people don’t come inside my kitchen prior to the meal.

Take it from Burger King Lady: Put the fruit outside on the back porch so no one is eating in your house!

Also, some smoked gouda and a small snifter of Frangelico will go really well with those pears.