If a couple doesn’t want more kids and consider surgical options, who should do it. Husband or wife?

[Anonymous]

I'm husband and did it. All the reasons cited here might be true, like less invasive, etc. But I just wanted to make sure I never fathered another kid. Love my current.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yet another vote for husband, since we’re obviously talking cis/hetero. My dad had one in his 40s and I remember my BFF told me her dad did the same.

DH has always taken it as a given, and not due to pressure from me, it’s just like, yeah duh, of course it falls to me. I think I’m ready to give him the green light on a vasectomy this year.

I am also paranoid about getting pregnant, so I will be leaving my iud (copper, zero issues) in probably until menopause lol... (I’m 41)

Me too! Got pregnant firt try with both! I’ll be the only 85 year old woman in the home with an IUD!

[Anonymous]

Im getting a tubal removal during my third c because I'm already doing that and there is a cancer reduction bonus.

My husband fully realizes he'd be on the hook if that wasn't the case. He might get the v done anyway just because my pregnancies are very difficult and dangerous and we really really really don't want be to ever be pregnant again.

[Anonymous]

We are pretty infertile but at 40ish dh has agreed to get a V. We’ve been married since 25 and never used birth control. We love our two IVF babies and would be over the moon to have a baby naturally. But after a point we think we’re too old and need to focus on what we have. It would rock the boat too much to have kids 20 years apart or so.

I completely think it’s the husband’s responsibility. I have an aunt with complications form taking birth control into her 40s. Blood clots and such.

[Anonymous]

The only reason I can think of the wife being the one to do it is that, with more advanced age, a man can have more kids and a woman can't. So, if there's any chance of a second family (and not just because of divorce; people can die early, too) the man could marry a much younger woman and still get her pregnant whereas a woman wouldn't be as likely to do this...

[Anonymous]

No signs he was a dick when you were dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only reason I can think of the wife being the one to do it is that, with more advanced age, a man can have more kids and a woman can't. So, if there's any chance of a second family (and not just because of divorce; people can die early, too) the man could marry a much younger woman and still get her pregnant whereas a woman wouldn't be as likely to do this...

“Hey honey, can you get your tubes tied in case I want to leave you for another woman or you die, leaving less time, attention, and financial support for your children? Thanks”

I don’t see that going over well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only reason I can think of the wife being the one to do it is that, with more advanced age, a man can have more kids and a woman can't. So, if there's any chance of a second family (and not just because of divorce; people can die early, too) the man could marry a much younger woman and still get her pregnant whereas a woman wouldn't be as likely to do this...

“Hey honey, can you get your tubes tied in case I want to leave you for another woman or you die, leaving less time, attention, and financial support for your children? Thanks”

I don’t see that going over well.

Plus vasectomies are reversible

[Anonymous]

DH and I agree it should be the husband. I grew up with a girl whose parents both underwent procedures (tubal + V) and the mother was angry and abusive her entire life because she did end up pregnant and kept the baby. She made sure her daughter knew how unwanted and what a drain she was. It was so sad and she began trying to commit suicide at 11. The dad was wonderful, though

Another part of our own conversation about this (we aren't done) was that having seen the effects and risks of BC and the fact that his partner had done all of that for well over a decade that it was his turn. We also used condoms as well as bc when we were younger and put a lot of planning into when we were ready and when we'll be done. He offered and agreed to a V prior to marriage.

[Anonymous]

It should be the husband as it is a less invasive surgery and wife has already put her body through so much. However my husband is a wimp and so I may look into tubal. Right now I just find him unattractive for not sucking it up.

[Anonymous]

The only person I know who did a tubal outside of a C-section was my aunt whose reasoning was that if she died, he might still want to have more kids with his next wife but she knew she was done even if he died. Supposedly he offered to get the vasectomy, so I dunno. But I know when I raised the idea of getting my tubes tied with my gyn, she was basically like, no your husband needs to do this.

[Anonymous]

My husband got a V. He was totally on board and thinks that men who won't do that are whiney babies and will lecture any of his friends who are complaining about their wives wanting him to get one.

[Anonymous]

Husband

[Anonymous]

Husband. I suspect any guy who doesn’t, since it’s reversible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only reason I can think of the wife being the one to do it is that, with more advanced age, a man can have more kids and a woman can't. So, if there's any chance of a second family (and not just because of divorce; people can die early, too) the man could marry a much younger woman and still get her pregnant whereas a woman wouldn't be as likely to do this...

“Hey honey, can you get your tubes tied in case I want to leave you for another woman or you die, leaving less time, attention, and financial support for your children? Thanks”

I don’t see that going over well.

Plus vasectomies are reversible

This. They are less invasive and the only one that is reversible. It is a no-brainer.