If a couple doesn’t want more kids and consider surgical options, who should do it. Husband or wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is hesitant to get a vasectomy, and I don't want to push him because I'll feel awful if he gets one and there's any complication. We've been using condoms since my youngest was born more than 3 years ago. I'm really over condoms, and frankly, it has made it harder for me to enjoy sex because I worry about the condom breaking or coming off.

I know it's not an invasive surgery, but it still is surgery, and there are small risks associated with it. I think it's a little unfair to say it's no big deal. On the other hand, I think DH should step up and get one.

Tell him this!

But also, I have the mirena and I love it. If I didn't like it, our next option was the vasectomy route. But even if he got snipped at this point, I'd keep my Mirena because I love not getting periods.

But honestly, condoms suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only reason I can think of the wife being the one to do it is that, with more advanced age, a man can have more kids and a woman can't. So, if there's any chance of a second family (and not just because of divorce; people can die early, too) the man could marry a much younger woman and still get her pregnant whereas a woman wouldn't be as likely to do this...

“Hey honey, can you get your tubes tied in case I want to leave you for another woman or you die, leaving less time, attention, and financial support for your children? Thanks”

I don’t see that going over well.

Plus vasectomies are reversible

This. They are less invasive and the only one that is reversible. It is a no-brainer.

+100 for all the reasons previously mentioned plus I'd taken BC for ~10 years.

DH volunteered and we had talked about it after our 3rd baby anyway. DH's doc said men still wimp out and don't show up for their surgery appt.

On the flip side, I'd also make clear that abortion is NOT an option. I may be pro-choice for other people, but I would not want one for myself (if resulting from any oops with DH) unless I got raped by someone else. So, think of the consequences for yourself too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question as above. Friends just did this and DH & I are discussing

I vote that both of you get done. Chance of one failure is very small. Chance of 2 failures is practically none. Also, if you divorce, you are both in the same position. Seems fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH refuses. It is a dick move.

[Anonymous]

My husband volunteered to do it but I would have been willing to discuss. Why wouldn't the woman consider non-surgical options? I have a Mirena and love it. And yes, I still have it even though my husband has a vasectomy because I don't get a period anymore and I only have to think about it every five years.