If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?

[Anonymous]

Have you watched fried green tomatoes or boys on the side? Start there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with the gay friend and the gay daughter; my DD was never tomboyish. In fact always very feminine. Now 16 and pretty emphatic about being a lesbian for about 4 years now.

Did she say she was a lesbian when she was 12, or is she now saying that she's felt that way since she was 12?

Started saying it around 12.

[Anonymous]

You may as well ask what were the first signs your child was hetero. I'm not exactly sure what the first signs were, but by around 4 I could tell that he had little crushes on his female teachers that definitely indicated he was straight.

[Anonymous]

When I was in 6th grade my best friend dared me to kiss her. I was like “what?! No!” We kind of drifted because of different interests in high school. She came out senior of high school and went to prom in a tux. Very cool chick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew my son was gay when he was a toddler. By the time he was in preschool it was pretty clear to everyone. He’s a happily married surgeon now with two straight (we think) kids of his own.

What? How do you know your son is gay when he’s under 3 years old?

Honestly I just knew. It was a combination of things that all pointed to him being on a different “journey” than my other boys.

Let me guess, the others were “all boy” rough and tumble?

No, nothing like that. My son who is gay played more sports than my other two sons who are straight.

I cannot explain it to you (and you clearly have your mind made up about me so there is no point in trying) but DH knew it and mentioned it too.

PP, the OP asked a question and I answered it. Please take a deep breathe and try to figure out why you are challenging my response.

[Anonymous]

We knew my neighbor was gay at age 3. He was in love with dresses and pretty things. He would play dress up with my daughters for hours. He has always loved anything artistic: drawing, painting, ballet, fashion.
By age 8 or so he started using very effeminate and dramatic mannerisms.
He's now a teenager and out.

I love this kid like my own--our kids grew up together. It's been fascinating to who he has become. He's a very interesting and cool kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We knew my neighbor was gay at age 3. He was in love with dresses and pretty things. He would play dress up with my daughters for hours. He has always loved anything artistic: drawing, painting, ballet, fashion.
By age 8 or so he started using very effeminate and dramatic mannerisms.
He's now a teenager and out.

I love this kid like my own--our kids grew up together. It's been fascinating to who he has become. He's a very interesting and cool kid.

What is the connection with being artistic and gay? I know that not all gay men are effeminate, but there does seem to be such a huge connection between homosexuality and creativity. This connection seems to exist among females as well. My friend's daughter is in art school, and she says there's not a single straight girl there. Granted many are pan and have boyfriends, but none of them are simply straight. I really do wonder what the connection is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We knew my brother was gay long before he came out. No, he was never your stereotypical gay boy who loved glitter. He was athletic and for the most part "straight acting." But living with him for all those years the little clues added up. I knew he was gay by the time he was 12 but my mother made it very clear we were not to talk about it until he was ready to talk about it. Which didn't happen for another nine years.

May I ask what these were?

Body language mainly. In those moments when natural instincts takes over, however briefly before self control kicks in, you see the mannerism, expressions, gestures. And other little things. He used to sneak and read Nancy Drews when he thought no one was looking. Always had a better appreciation for fashion than you might have thought even if he dressed typically for a boy of his age and background and I could always rely on him to give excellent fashion advice if I asked. Loved architecture and cooking and an appreciation for interior design. He was careful to try not seem too interested but one could still see it. And although athletic he shied away from contact sport. He was a runner, swimmer and tennis player. Gravitated towards female friends rather than male friends. You could see that he had to forcibly make himself to make male friends and he wasn't naturally at ease around other boys. Which is ironic as these days most of his friends are other men (gay of course) but childhood is a different time.

Many of the characteristics on their own don't say much, but it's when you piece all of them together that the picture emerges. I'm fully convinced there is a gay brain. As my brother says, most of his friends are "straight acting" and you wouldn't spot them as a gay man if passing them or even working alongside them, but if you put them together alone in a room, they change and it becomes much more apparent. Many gay men are very careful to control how they present themselves in public to avoid being seen as stereotypically gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We knew my neighbor was gay at age 3. He was in love with dresses and pretty things. He would play dress up with my daughters for hours. He has always loved anything artistic: drawing, painting, ballet, fashion.
By age 8 or so he started using very effeminate and dramatic mannerisms.
He's now a teenager and out.

I love this kid like my own--our kids grew up together. It's been fascinating to who he has become. He's a very interesting and cool kid.

What is the connection with being artistic and gay? I know that not all gay men are effeminate, but there does seem to be such a huge connection between homosexuality and creativity. This connection seems to exist among females as well. My friend's daughter is in art school, and she says there's not a single straight girl there. Granted many are pan and have boyfriends, but none of them are simply straight. I really do wonder what the connection is.

Some link in the brain chemistry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We knew my neighbor was gay at age 3. He was in love with dresses and pretty things. He would play dress up with my daughters for hours. He has always loved anything artistic: drawing, painting, ballet, fashion.
By age 8 or so he started using very effeminate and dramatic mannerisms.
He's now a teenager and out.

I love this kid like my own--our kids grew up together. It's been fascinating to who he has become. He's a very interesting and cool kid.

What is the connection with being artistic and gay? I know that not all gay men are effeminate, but there does seem to be such a huge connection between homosexuality and creativity. This connection seems to exist among females as well. My friend's daughter is in art school, and she says there's not a single straight girl there. Granted many are pan and have boyfriends, but none of them are simply straight. I really do wonder what the connection is.

Historically this is true. It's fascinating. Something to do with how the brain works is probably the answer, stimulating an appreciation for art.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We knew my neighbor was gay at age 3. He was in love with dresses and pretty things. He would play dress up with my daughters for hours. He has always loved anything artistic: drawing, painting, ballet, fashion.
By age 8 or so he started using very effeminate and dramatic mannerisms.
He's now a teenager and out.

I love this kid like my own--our kids grew up together. It's been fascinating to who he has become. He's a very interesting and cool kid.

What is the connection with being artistic and gay? I know that not all gay men are effeminate, but there does seem to be such a huge connection between homosexuality and creativity. This connection seems to exist among females as well. My friend's daughter is in art school, and she says there's not a single straight girl there. Granted many are pan and have boyfriends, but none of them are simply straight. I really do wonder what the connection is.

there's a correlation between minority status and creativity/achievement. Basically, you think differently in many different ways. On the flip side, if you think differently and are creative, you're likely more open minded about sexuality as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We knew my neighbor was gay at age 3. He was in love with dresses and pretty things. He would play dress up with my daughters for hours. He has always loved anything artistic: drawing, painting, ballet, fashion.
By age 8 or so he started using very effeminate and dramatic mannerisms.
He's now a teenager and out.

I love this kid like my own--our kids grew up together. It's been fascinating to who he has become. He's a very interesting and cool kid.

What is the connection with being artistic and gay? I know that not all gay men are effeminate, but there does seem to be such a huge connection between homosexuality and creativity. This connection seems to exist among females as well. My friend's daughter is in art school, and she says there's not a single straight girl there. Granted many are pan and have boyfriends, but none of them are simply straight. I really do wonder what the connection is.

I'm not equating the two, but there is also a disproportionate number of artists who suffer from depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We knew my neighbor was gay at age 3. He was in love with dresses and pretty things. He would play dress up with my daughters for hours. He has always loved anything artistic: drawing, painting, ballet, fashion.
By age 8 or so he started using very effeminate and dramatic mannerisms.
He's now a teenager and out.

I love this kid like my own--our kids grew up together. It's been fascinating to who he has become. He's a very interesting and cool kid.

What is the connection with being artistic and gay? I know that not all gay men are effeminate, but there does seem to be such a huge connection between homosexuality and creativity. This connection seems to exist among females as well. My friend's daughter is in art school, and she says there's not a single straight girl there. Granted many are pan and have boyfriends, but none of them are simply straight. I really do wonder what the connection is.

Some link in the brain chemistry?

No, there's nothing genetic or "brain chemistry" about it, not more than African American's success in music and entertainment is due to genetics or brain chemistry. It's just being more open to different forms of expression because you're outside of the mainstream to begin with. And also there's likely some confirmation bias going on as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew my son was gay when he was a toddler. By the time he was in preschool it was pretty clear to everyone. He’s a happily married surgeon now with two straight (we think) kids of his own.

What? How do you know your son is gay when he’s under 3 years old?

Honestly I just knew. It was a combination of things that all pointed to him being on a different “journey” than my other boys.

Let me guess, the others were “all boy” rough and tumble?

DP. You can roll your eyes all you want, but these stereotypes exist for a reason.

Stop conflating gender expression with sexuality. My older DD was a tomboy until 15 and is straight. My younger DD was super princess girly until 12, is obsessed with hair and makeup and is a lesbian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We knew my neighbor was gay at age 3. He was in love with dresses and pretty things. He would play dress up with my daughters for hours. He has always loved anything artistic: drawing, painting, ballet, fashion.
By age 8 or so he started using very effeminate and dramatic mannerisms.
He's now a teenager and out.

I love this kid like my own--our kids grew up together. It's been fascinating to who he has become. He's a very interesting and cool kid.

What is the connection with being artistic and gay? I know that not all gay men are effeminate, but there does seem to be such a huge connection between homosexuality and creativity. This connection seems to exist among females as well. My friend's daughter is in art school, and she says there's not a single straight girl there. Granted many are pan and have boyfriends, but none of them are simply straight. I really do wonder what the connection is.

I'm not equating the two, but there is also a disproportionate number of artists who suffer from depression.

Also a disproportionate number of cops, lawyers, and physicians.