If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?

[Anonymous]

Would you say that looking back on your daughter's childhood or teen years, before she came out, that there were indicators that she was gay that you may not have picked up on at the time?

[Anonymous]

Fwiw, I have a kid in elementary school and I'm fairly confident he's gay. Of course there are signs.

[Anonymous]

I have a son, so not sure if that helps, but yes. OMG yes.

[Anonymous]

I had a female friend as a kid and yes, it was always obvious. I didn't know what "gay" was but it was obvious my friend was not the same as the rest of the girls in the group. Not in a negative judgy way, just a clear reality.

My daughter is gay too and no, there were zero signs until about 6th grade when she decided she was gay. I still don't know if she's really gay or if it's part of a larger societal trend. Whatever it is, I am fine with it and support her. If she turns out to be a life long lesbian, fine. Changes her mind, fine. Goes both ways, whatever. I don't care as long as she's healthy, happy, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a son, so not sure if that helps, but yes. OMG yes.

I realize that there are often clues with boys. I'm wondering if the same is true for girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]I had a female friend as a kid and yes, it was always obvious. [/b] I didn't know what "gay" was but it was obvious my friend was not the same as the rest of the girls in the group. Not in a negative judgy way, just a clear reality.

My daughter is gay too and no, there were zero signs until about 6th grade when she decided she was gay. I still don't know if she's really gay or if it's part of a larger societal trend. Whatever it is, I am fine with it and support her. If she turns out to be a life long lesbian, fine. Changes her mind, fine. Goes both ways, whatever. I don't care as long as she's healthy, happy, etc.

Was/Is she somewhat tomboyish?

[Anonymous]

There were a few, might or might not be, signs in early teens. When she wanted a Subaru for her first car, we knew.

[Anonymous]

I didnt realize I was Gay ( woman) until I was an adult. Never really thought about it, I guess sexually im actually bi but the emotional connection I have with my wife is like nothing ive had with a man.
Anyway, when i came out to family and old school friends they all said " yeah, we knew" . I was very tomboyish, wore boyish clothes, hung out with boys, short hair, etc, rode a bike all over the place. This was in the 80s in England.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you say that looking back on your daughter's childhood or teen years, before she came out, that there were indicators that she was gay that you may not have picked up on at the time?

Only if I stereotype lesbians. And I know enough other lesbians to know those stereotypes are false. TBH, based on those stereotypes, DD#1 should have been a lesbian, but she’s straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a female friend as a kid and yes, it was always obvious. I didn't know what "gay" was but it was obvious my friend was not the same as the rest of the girls in the group. Not in a negative judgy way, just a clear reality.

My daughter is gay too and no, there were zero signs until about 6th grade when she decided she was gay. I still don't know if she's really gay or if it's part of a larger societal trend. Whatever it is, I am fine with it and support her. If she turns out to be a life long lesbian, fine. Changes her mind, fine. Goes both ways, whatever. I don't care as long as she's healthy, happy, etc.

How old is your daughter now?

[Anonymous]

We knew my brother was gay long before he came out. No, he was never your stereotypical gay boy who loved glitter. He was athletic and for the most part "straight acting." But living with him for all those years the little clues added up. I knew he was gay by the time he was 12 but my mother made it very clear we were not to talk about it until he was ready to talk about it. Which didn't happen for another nine years.

[Anonymous]

I have at least fifteen friends from my childhood who are lesbians. Even before we knew what being gay meant, it was pretty clear they were different in some way. They were mostly friends I had through sports, but a few were not athletes, so the tomboy/athlete paradigm fits for some but not for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We knew my brother was gay long before he came out. No, he was never your stereotypical gay boy who loved glitter. He was athletic and for the most part "straight acting." But living with him for all those years the little clues added up. I knew he was gay by the time he was 12 but my mother made it very clear we were not to talk about it until he was ready to talk about it. Which didn't happen for another nine years.

May I ask what these were?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you say that looking back on your daughter's childhood or teen years, before she came out, that there were indicators that she was gay that you may not have picked up on at the time?

Would you ask the same question if you son/daughter was straight? It sounds "crazy" if you asked us "what were the signs that your kid is straight?"

Why does it matter? I'm asking sincerely. To me, all that matters is now. Your daughter is gay. Maybe she was always gay or maybe it was more fluid and she was figuring things out?

[Anonymous]

Many adult lesbians/bi people look back and are like “duh” although not for the stereotypical reasons. I was never a tomboys really, just “weird”. Of my weird friends some of them grew up queer some not. What is obvious in retrospect is that I have the most intense crushes on female characters/actors that I just... assumed were about liking the movie or something? ? So probably would have been noticeable to some adults but not in the ways you might think.