Relationship Question - traveling (NOT a travel question)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you are conflating his work conference and your family vacation is the reason he doesn’t want you to attend.

It sounds like he is in a field where networking is important. Networking likely takes place on the golf course or in a bar, and he wants to be able to do these things without your clinginess or criticism.

Use his points, and take your child on a vacation while he is on this trip. Over the next year, make fewer snarky comments about happy hours, work dinners, and work travel. Show that you and your child can be self-sufficient.

Then ask to go next year.

It is not a conference? He is not networking? Me and DC would be off on our own, DH would join us at night. Hotel and one plane ticket would be covered. We don't know anyone who does not do this - so it is funny to me that so many PP's are "put out" by this concept.

Also, I don't make snarky comments to DH?

Are you on the right thread?

[Anonymous]

OP, what answer would satisfy you? What outcome do you need?

[Anonymous]

This is a bizarre thread. Working mom here that travels to beautiful places for my job. I never take my family when I travel. In fact I am generally holed up in a conference room the whole time, even if I’m traveling to a cool place.

Plan a family trip outside of work. This is not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Every single work trip I've been on, my husband and my friends is very busy. There is no downtime. I'm joining my husband at the end of a trip coming up to vacation afterwards, but not during the work trip.

[Anonymous]

No one here has a magic phrase that will make your DH take you and DC on a work trip. You believe many other families go along on work trips, but Dcum doesn't agree. So, your choices are:
-Attend therapy with DH
-Make vacation plans with or without D

[Anonymous]

Travel and attend conferences....never bring family. It would be super awkward because you are there to work, learn and network (including dinners). Plan a family vacation...DH comes or not.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible that he is stung someone else on these trips?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible that he is stung someone else on these trips?

Seeing, not stung.

[Anonymous]

I think I get it - my parents typically took us on my father’s work trips in the summer - but he was an academic. Typically he would spend time lecturing or at a conference and my mom and us kids would do touristy stuff and he’s join us on the weekend/evenings or a few extra days added on. He actually preferred us to travel with him. OP’s husband’s work culture could be like that.

And I have colleagues who bring family along on work trips, not every time, but every so often.

OP - sounds like your DH doesn’t want to travel with you and your kids, either as a stand alone vacation or as part of a trip he has to take anyway. I can see how that’s frustrating, but you aren’t going to change him.

Travel with your DC(s) alone, let DH know you are planning something, he’s welcome to join, but if he doesn’t you’re going anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a bizarre thread. Working mom here that travels to beautiful places for my job. I never take my family when I travel. In fact I am generally holed up in a conference room the whole time, even if I’m traveling to a cool place.

Plan a family trip outside of work. This is not rocket science.

DH will not go on trips, and OP wants to travel as a family, so the work trip would be the closest thing.

[Anonymous]

100% of the time, I do not (nor do our children) go on work trips with my husband. Not for lack of asking. I have wanted to go to two destinations he was working at in the past 20 years, and figured it would be fun for me to tag along, and do touristy things during the day (without him, with no pressure on his time or energy) and spend the nights having hotel sex.

Nope. He refused. And refused. And refused. And still refuses. These places are NOT places he'd want to go on a vacation, either, (although I would) so we won't be going back there.

It irritates me.

[Anonymous]

My husband travels upwards of 2x a month. In the past 6 years, myself and our two children have gone along once.

Agree with others who say to find a vacation!

[Anonymous]

I am a DH that travels frequently for work, and I often go to nice places (San Diego, Honolulu, Europe). The think is, bringing spouse/kids on the trips blows the vacation budget, and I do not get down time.

When I am at work trip, I am usually sitting in a windowless space with no communications. I am working about 12-14 hours a day; after work I grab a quick bite and crash.

The flip side, and where I differ is I like to take a nice vacation. And I use the miles from work travel to subsidize it. We just cam back from a two week trip in the norther rockies where the only expense was food.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are very confusing. Why do you want to go on a work trip with your DH with your family?

Why don't you plan a vacation with the family instead of trying to tag along on a work trip?

I don't know of a single colleague who has brought their family on a work trip and I've been traveling for the last 20 years for work. No, I take that back, there is one guy who has brought his wife and kid to a couple trips. But she's a wack-a-doo. Sound familiar?

Here's the answer you are searching for, and already know the answer, you can't change your DH since he grew up with his father/family as an example. You either adjust or accept. Those are your options.

That is all.

[Anonymous]

For whatever reason, he doesn't want you all tagging along on work trips. Let it go. He's not going to change his mind. Plan family vacations without him. His loss.