Relationship Question - traveling (NOT a travel question)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I travel for work but never take the kids. I actually have to work, though, it isn’t like a conference or something.

Seems like a weird thing to get hung up on. Just plan a family vacation.

Agree. Bringing family along on a business trip is weird. Go on an actual summer vacation. If he doesn’t want to come along, you and the kids go without him. If you don’t want to vacation on your own with the kids, bring along your parents or sibling or a close friend. If you resent always being left with the kids while he travels all the time, plan your own getaway on your own or with friends and leave him with the kids one weekend. But expecting him to bring the whole family on a business trip is unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

I think you should stop making an issue about the work travel and focus instead on planning family vacations.

[Anonymous]

Do you take family vacations?

It is normal to not take your spouse and kids on work trips.

It is not normal to never spend any time on vacation as a family. Since your DH travels so much for work, traveling is not a vacation for him.

Which are you upset about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What? So you are a SAHM, your DH doesn’t want to take the whole family on business trips, and you think this is because of how he was raised?

I don’t want my family going on my business trips either. I don’t think it’s professional and it’s the last thing I want to deal with. If that makes me a horrible person, so be it. But we go on vacation together as a family. Why can’t you go on family vacations or even take the kids away alone? I’m not getting it.

Not sure why you think I am a SAHM? Not that it matters, I make more than DH. His mom was a SAHM. Why does that matter? Why are y’all acting like it is a crime to want to vacation together as a family? So odd. OP here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should stop making an issue about the work travel and focus instead on planning family vacations.

OP here. DH comes up with excuses not to go - deadlines, money, whatever. It is, as DCUM calls it, a “DH problem” - which is why I specifically asked for opinions of those with first hand experience in this particular area.

[Anonymous]

I'd just make it clear to DH that the whole family was dying to go. All the other families go. You are taking it personally as there is no other way to take it. Have him pick 1-2 trips a year on which you will accompany him.

Apologize for his upbringing but state that he is doing the same thing to you all that he hated having done to him/his mother. And I absolutely WOULD share this with my kids; this is how you break the cycle.

+ it wouldn't be DCUM if I didn't suggest the small possibility that his work trips are when he gets busy with his AP, so of course he doesn't want you to come alone.

[Anonymous]

In DH’s circle - work and personal - it is customary to take the family on work trips. I think I am on the wrong site. OP here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In DH’s circle - work and personal - it is customary to take the family on work trips. I think I am on the wrong site. OP here.

Never heard of this, ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In DH’s circle - work and personal - it is customary to take the family on work trips. I think I am on the wrong site. OP here.

You’re explaining everything oddly. I replied earlier as someone that is in your shoes. It was ignored. You have cognitive/written communication issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In DH’s circle - work and personal - it is customary to take the family on work trips. I think I am on the wrong site. OP here.

You’re explaining everything oddly. I replied earlier as someone that is in your shoes. It was ignored. You have cognitive/written communication issues

+1
And agree with pronoun thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What? So you are a SAHM, your DH doesn’t want to take the whole family on business trips, and you think this is because of how he was raised?

I don’t want my family going on my business trips either. I don’t think it’s professional and it’s the last thing I want to deal with. If that makes me a horrible person, so be it. But we go on vacation together as a family. Why can’t you go on family vacations or even take the kids away alone? I’m not getting it.

Not sure why you think I am a SAHM? Not that it matters, I make more than DH. His mom was a SAHM. Why does that matter? Why are y’all acting like it is a crime to want to vacation together as a family? So odd. OP here.

Assumed you didn’t work yourself if you are available to go on all of DH’s work trips. Sorry for the wrong conclusion. Why aren’t you focusing on taking a family vacation where no one has to be on duty or worry about appearances?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In DH’s circle - work and personal - it is customary to take the family on work trips. I think I am on the wrong site. OP here.

You’re explaining everything oddly. I replied earlier as someone that is in your shoes. It was ignored. You have cognitive/written communication issues

Yes, I have an LD. My apologies. What needs clarification?

[Anonymous]

Does your DH join you all on family vacations or does he not travel other than his work trips? That was not clear from your first post.

[Anonymous]

The fact you are conflating his work conference and your family vacation is the reason he doesn’t want you to attend.

It sounds like he is in a field where networking is important. Networking likely takes place on the golf course or in a bar, and he wants to be able to do these things without your clinginess or criticism.

Use his points, and take your child on a vacation while he is on this trip. Over the next year, make fewer snarky comments about happy hours, work dinners, and work travel. Show that you and your child can be self-sufficient.

Then ask to go next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact you are conflating his work conference and your family vacation is the reason he doesn’t want you to attend.

It sounds like he is in a field where networking is important. Networking likely takes place on the golf course or in a bar, and he wants to be able to do these things without your clinginess or criticism.

Use his points, and take your child on a vacation while he is on this trip. Over the next year, make fewer snarky comments about happy hours, work dinners, and work travel. Show that you and your child can be self-sufficient.

Then ask to go next year.

It is not a conference? He is not networking? Me and DC would be off on our own, DH would join us at night. Hotel and one plane ticket would be covered. We don't know anyone who does not do this - so it is funny to me that so many PP's are "put out" by this concept.