Husband and I butting heads about grandparents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely do this unless kids didn’t wNt to. Time with grandparents way more important than time at camp.

Did you miss the part where the "grands" saw them 2 weeks ago, and will be on vacation with them in another two weeks?

But, but, FAMILY!!!

I didn’t miss that there will be other visits. What difference does that make? I don’t understand the hostility to the idea. Someone wrote “but but Family” like that’s ridiculous, but family IS important. Certainly there is no obligation but if grandparents want to see the kids and the kids are good with it, why not? Camp is not a big deal. The hour drive may or may not be a big deal, OP makes it sound like a minor inconvenience. I drive over an hour to work every day so I don’t think that’s a big deal. If the preexisting plan were actually important, if the kids didn’t want to go, if the grandparents aren’t good caregivers, then sure, skip it. But for camp? Camp is nothing. But who am I to talk? My parents got cancer and died (not the same year) unexpectedly. Here one day and gone the next is what it felt like. You guys, so selfish, mocking the idea of family like it’s nothing, I feel like you don’t even deserve to have parents that love your kids so much they actually want to see them. It makes me so angry! You have no idea how good you have it, for these people to be in the world who love your kids and you act like it’s more of a hassle than anything else.

DP: Both my parents have died, and my kids were toddlers when they died, so unfortunately they’ll miss that relationship.

But I think it’s absurd for you to be angry at and critical of other people just because they have grandparents *and* active lives.

And I happen to think camp can be pretty important for kids.

[Anonymous]

- how old are kids?
- how far away do grands live?

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

OP—did you post in early June about grandparents wanting to visit when the week was filled with school events? They had just spent Memorial Day weekend with you.

[Anonymous]

Don’t do it. It’s ridiculous

[Anonymous]

Teach the grandparents now to respect schedules and the personhood of the kids. They could have planned “Camp Grandma” in Jan when you were booking, but they didn’t.

My kid loved camp and would not have been happy with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely do this unless kids didn’t wNt to. Time with grandparents way more important than time at camp.

Did you miss the part where the "grands" saw them 2 weeks ago, and will be on vacation with them in another two weeks?

But, but, FAMILY!!!

I didn’t miss that there will be other visits. What difference does that make? I don’t understand the hostility to the idea. Someone wrote “but but Family” like that’s ridiculous, but family IS important. Certainly there is no obligation but if grandparents want to see the kids and the kids are good with it, why not? Camp is not a big deal. The hour drive may or may not be a big deal, OP makes it sound like a minor inconvenience. I drive over an hour to work every day so I don’t think that’s a big deal. If the preexisting plan were actually important, if the kids didn’t want to go, if the grandparents aren’t good caregivers, then sure, skip it. But for camp? Camp is nothing. But who am I to talk? My parents got cancer and died (not the same year) unexpectedly. Here one day and gone the next is what it felt like. You guys, so selfish, mocking the idea of family like it’s nothing, I feel like you don’t even deserve to have parents that love your kids so much they actually want to see them. It makes me so angry! You have no idea how good you have it, for these people to be in the world who love your kids and you act like it’s more of a hassle than anything else.

You're ridiculous. Therapy is called for.

[Anonymous]

Why can't the grandparents drive over for dinner once or twice in the next 3 weeks. If they want alone time then you and dh can go out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't the grandparents drive over for dinner once or twice in the next 3 weeks. If they want alone time then you and dh can go out.

Why can’t the grandparents just chill?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely do this unless kids didn’t wNt to. Time with grandparents way more important than time at camp.

Did you miss the part where the "grands" saw them 2 weeks ago, and will be on vacation with them in another two weeks?

But, but, FAMILY!!!

I didn’t miss that there will be other visits. What difference does that make? I don’t understand the hostility to the idea. Someone wrote “but but Family” like that’s ridiculous, but family IS important. Certainly there is no obligation but if grandparents want to see the kids and the kids are good with it, why not? Camp is not a big deal. The hour drive may or may not be a big deal, OP makes it sound like a minor inconvenience. I drive over an hour to work every day so I don’t think that’s a big deal. If the preexisting plan were actually important, if the kids didn’t want to go, if the grandparents aren’t good caregivers, then sure, skip it. But for camp? Camp is nothing. But who am I to talk? My parents got cancer and died (not the same year) unexpectedly. Here one day and gone the next is what it felt like. You guys, so selfish, mocking the idea of family like it’s nothing, I feel like you don’t even deserve to have parents that love your kids so much they actually want to see them. It makes me so angry! You have no idea how good you have it, for these people to be in the world who love your kids and you act like it’s more of a hassle than anything else.

You don't waste paid-for camp fees because grown adults "can't wait" just a few lousy weeks.

The idea of family is not nothing, that's true. But family is PART of a healthy life, family isn't ALL of a healthy life. It is healthy to have friend, new experiences that foster independence, outside interests, etc. It's all about balance.

If family wants to remain truly close, and not just become obligation, they need to take a breath and take a step back when needed. Let the camp experience happen, don't put paid-for camp money to waste, take a breath and realize you will see your grandchildren in a few short weeks.

If you play the But Family card too often, you won't have it for when it is truly needed and truly matters.

[Anonymous]

Facetime in the evenings

[Anonymous]

Let me guess. . . these are your in laws and not your parents.

[Anonymous]

2-3 nights child free! I am packing their bags as we speak. Doesn’t sound like the cost of summer camp meant anything to your family and it doesn’t sound enriching. If the Grandparents want to take them....great. I’d love a break and to spend time with my spouse alone. I suggest meeting halfway to cut the travel time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any decision is reasonable. Since you are posting here, obviously you feel strongly.

+1 I would pull the kids from the summer day camp because it is only daycare. Let them go have fun with their grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Grandparent here. It is unreasonable for your kids to miss camp. Verify that you heard what the grandparents are saying. That they want to spend time alone with their grandchildren and another time would work better.