Husband and I butting heads about grandparents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did leave out that the only inconvenience for us is driving them there one evening. It’s 30 miles, but time depends on traffic. Usually an hour.

Are you generally a people pleaser? Do you have trouble saying no? I ask because if you’ve gotten to the point where driving an hour and disregarding prior plans to say yes to silly whims, your personal boundaries are really “off.”

The kids are going to spend a week with the grandparents. It’ll be okay. I promise they won’t forget who they are in the days leading up to the vacation.

[Anonymous]

I guess my answer depends on a few things.

When the kids AREN’T in camp, how often do you encourage them to stay with the “Grands”?

When you want date night or date weekend, do you ask the “Grands” to take the kids?

When it’s Holiday party season and you want to go away for a weekend, do you rely on the “Grands”?

[Anonymous]

Can’t the grandparents come over for dinner one night if it’s that big a deal?

[Anonymous]

Do your children exist to be their own independent people or are they only there to be on-demand companions to their grandparents?

Even if it has been the latter, things do change as kids get older.

[Anonymous]

Hell to the no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely do this unless kids didn’t wNt to. Time with grandparents way more important than time at camp.

Did you miss the part where the "grands" saw them 2 weeks ago, and will be on vacation with them in another two weeks?

But, but, FAMILY!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can’t the grandparents come over for dinner one night if it’s that big a deal?

This is the most logical solution.

My guess as to why it’s off the table is because grandparents want alone time with the kids. OP, am I right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess my answer depends on a few things.

When the kids AREN’T in camp, how often do you encourage them to stay with the “Grands”?

When you want date night or date weekend, do you ask the “Grands” to take the kids?

When it’s Holiday party season and you want to go away for a weekend, do you rely on the “Grands”?

Even if the answer to all of the above is YES, did you miss the part where they are going on vacation WITH the grandparents???

At what point is it okay to say, we have other plans this week, so we’ll next week when we vacation together?!?

[Anonymous]

IF DH and/or grands are willing to take ALL responsibility for making this happen, I would not care. As long as my schedule is not disrupted. And obviously, the children's needs have to be met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely do this unless kids didn’t wNt to. Time with grandparents way more important than time at camp.

Did you miss the part where the "grands" saw them 2 weeks ago, and will be on vacation with them in another two weeks?

But, but, FAMILY!!!

I didn’t miss that there will be other visits. What difference does that make? I don’t understand the hostility to the idea. Someone wrote “but but Family” like that’s ridiculous, but family IS important. Certainly there is no obligation but if grandparents want to see the kids and the kids are good with it, why not? Camp is not a big deal. The hour drive may or may not be a big deal, OP makes it sound like a minor inconvenience. I drive over an hour to work every day so I don’t think that’s a big deal. If the preexisting plan were actually important, if the kids didn’t want to go, if the grandparents aren’t good caregivers, then sure, skip it. But for camp? Camp is nothing. But who am I to talk? My parents got cancer and died (not the same year) unexpectedly. Here one day and gone the next is what it felt like. You guys, so selfish, mocking the idea of family like it’s nothing, I feel like you don’t even deserve to have parents that love your kids so much they actually want to see them. It makes me so angry! You have no idea how good you have it, for these people to be in the world who love your kids and you act like it’s more of a hassle than anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess my answer depends on a few things.

When the kids AREN’T in camp, how often do you encourage them to stay with the “Grands”?

When you want date night or date weekend, do you ask the “Grands” to take the kids?

When it’s Holiday party season and you want to go away for a weekend, do you rely on the “Grands”?

Ah, I thought grands would be ok for shorthand, I am sorry if it’s grating! Grandparents!
We always try to accommodate, but we never ask them to babysit, if that’s what you’re trying to ask. We have hired help for those instances. But they do have a great relationship and see them often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can’t the grandparents come over for dinner one night if it’s that big a deal?

This is the most logical solution.

My guess as to why it’s off the table is because grandparents want alone time with the kids. OP, am I right?

You are correct!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely do this unless kids didn’t wNt to. Time with grandparents way more important than time at camp.

Did you miss the part where the "grands" saw them 2 weeks ago, and will be on vacation with them in another two weeks?

But, but, FAMILY!!!

I didn’t miss that there will be other visits. What difference does that make? I don’t understand the hostility to the idea. Someone wrote “but but Family” like that’s ridiculous, but family IS important. Certainly there is no obligation but if grandparents want to see the kids and the kids are good with it, why not? Camp is not a big deal. The hour drive may or may not be a big deal, OP makes it sound like a minor inconvenience. I drive over an hour to work every day so I don’t think that’s a big deal. If the preexisting plan were actually important, if the kids didn’t want to go, if the grandparents aren’t good caregivers, then sure, skip it. But for camp? Camp is nothing. But who am I to talk? My parents got cancer and died (not the same year) unexpectedly. Here one day and gone the next is what it felt like. You guys, so selfish, mocking the idea of family like it’s nothing, I feel like you don’t even deserve to have parents that love your kids so much they actually want to see them. It makes me so angry! You have no idea how good you have it, for these people to be in the world who love your kids and you act like it’s more of a hassle than anything else.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my grandfather at an early age and I feel I really missed out on knowing him. That said, I think family IS important, but we will have a lot of time together in two short weeks.

[Anonymous]

No, if they wanted them, they should have said so before you paid for camp.

[Anonymous]

I would not have them miss camp. You already paid for it. They do realize camp costs money, right?