Moving While Your DC is in College

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you expecting it to be her home? She’s an adult. Her home will be college and then wherever she lives afterwards. Sounds like you have unrealistic expectations.

College isn't home. [b] Most kids from good homes move back after college to save money.

Actually when I was in college, I remember feeling that college was home when I was there, but then home was home once I came back during breaks.

[Anonymous]

Most kids from good homes move back after college to save money

This is so obnoxious. It can be a strategy, but plenty of students are capable and are out on their own.

[Anonymous]

Did you keep her room in your new house? That’s what my mom did and while I still felt sad for the old house, the fact that I still had my room with my furniture and things helped me feel connected to the new place. Remember that she considered that place her home for all her conscious life and suddenly it is gone.

You are completely right to move and there is no need to delay your life. But do acknowledge the loss she feels from never being able to visit the home she grew up in again, and the feelings of loss and sadness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you expecting it to be her home? She’s an adult. Her home will be college and then wherever she lives afterwards. Sounds like you have unrealistic expectations.

College isn't home. Most kids from good homes move back after college to save money.

Please explain what a “good home” is. I’m dying to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you keep her room in your new house? That’s what my mom did and while I still felt sad for the old house, the fact that I still had my room with my furniture and things helped me feel connected to the new place. Remember that she considered that place her home for all her conscious life and suddenly it is gone.

You are completely right to move and there is no need to delay your life. But do acknowledge the loss she feels from never being able to visit the home she grew up in again, and the feelings of loss and sadness.

I agree 100% with the above. My mom and step-father moved my sophomore year - half way across the country. We were living in Pennsylvania, I was going to college in Ohio and they moved to Kansas. My mom put all my furniture and decorations in my new "room." It helped having my stuff in "my room."

Since I had been in college two years, I was not as connected with my high school friends anymore and I had a summer job already lined up near my college so I went back east after a few weeks at my parent's new home. I remember being a little upset that I wouldn't be able to see my friends from high school. I think because of their move, I did lose the connections I had with almost all of them. It wasn't like I could drive from Kansas to Pennsylvania for a weekend visit. It took a couple of years to feel comfortable in the house. Had they moved after my freshman year, I probably would have been more upset.

But I eventually came to view their house as my home. My mom passed away a couple of years ago and my step-father moved back east about six months later. When we were packing up the house, I was a mess - partly because my mom was gone. But all the memories I had made in the new house came flooding back. Even as an adult, with my own husband and children, that house was my home.

[Anonymous]

How much advanced warning did she get? This may have played a role. Have you talked a lot about wanting to leave the are over th east few years? Or was this something that developed since she went back to school for spring semester?

[Anonymous]

We lived in close in NOVA for 25 years and moved to Logan when our youngest was still in college. The kids were initially upset and laid a huge guilt trip about it on their mother. I pulled them aside and told them in no uncertain terms that if they didn’t suck it up and knock that off that they’d regret it. They listened to me and knocked it off. Now a decade later it’s as if we never lived anywhere but here.

Your daughter owes you this. It’s your turn. Plus Richmond is a great town.

[Anonymous]

My parents did this and it was fine. I survived. She’ll make new friends at college and keep in touch with the old ones through social media.

[Anonymous]

My parents also did this. I grew up in a very small town in NJ and my parents moved to the middle of nowhere in New England when I was a sophomore in college. Their house is not my “home” - I don’t have my “own” room and they just basically boxed up or threw out all of my belongings. They weren’t being mean (they dropped off 10 boxes of my HS stuff to my house like 5 years ago and I turned around and took it all to the dump...), but it did sting a little like they were kicking me out! It was hard when I graduated college because I didn’t want to move in with them (no real job prospects and, again, middle of nowhere) but I also couldn’t move “home” like my HS friends did. So I got stuck in my college town for another 1.5 years waiting tables. I finally moved to DC with some friends from college and am doing just fine except my mom still resents I didn’t move up there for some weird reason. I also will say I’m not close with anyone from high school since I never had any reason to go back. This was also before social media, though, so I’m sure it’s different now! Your daughter will be fine! DC to Richmond is nothing!

[Anonymous]

Our kids are both in HS now, and we would not do this. We would wait until a year or two after the youngest is out of college to move of we had a choice about it.

[Anonymous]

Richmonder here. What neighborhood are you in? I can make suggestions on places she can mmeet people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents did this and it was fine. I survived. She’ll make new friends at college and keep in touch with the old ones through social media.

But will she be as inclined to want to visit as she would if she were going "home"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Richmonder here. What neighborhood are you in? I can make suggestions on places she can mmeet people

She's most likely not going to ever live there, she's just going to visit for at most maybe a few weeks at a time, so how realistic is it that she's going to make deep friendships there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you keep her room in your new house? That’s what my mom did and while I still felt sad for the old house, the fact that I still had my room with my furniture and things helped me feel connected to the new place. Remember that she considered that place her home for all her conscious life and suddenly it is gone.

You are completely right to move and there is no need to delay your life. But do acknowledge the loss she feels from never being able to visit the home she grew up in again, and the feelings of loss and sadness.

I agree with all of this. My parents moved twice while I was in college and the first move was overseas; the second was to a city other than the one I'd grown up in. They always had a room for me in their home. At the time I think I just expected this and didn't appreciate it. Now I do! Unlike a PP I don't think they had expectations that I would adopt their new home as mine. However, both were interesting cities and I enjoyed spending time there. I also spent 1-2 weeks each summer staying with the family of my best friend from high school, so I could still enjoy time in my hometown with old friends and a sense of connection with where I'd grown up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did this and it was fine. I survived. She’ll make new friends at college and keep in touch with the old ones through social media.

But will she be as inclined to want to visit as she would if she were going "home"?

Is this a serious question? Why would I not want to visit my parents and other siblings? This is just stupid. How long into adulthood are you going to cater to your child's every whim?