Moving While Your DC is in College

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did this and it was fine. I survived. She’ll make new friends at college and keep in touch with the old ones through social media.

But will she be as inclined to want to visit as she would if she were going "home"?

Is this a serious question? Why would I not want to visit my parents and other siblings? This is just stupid. How long into adulthood are you going to cater to your child's every whim?

I don’t think it’s catering to their every whim. But no matter when as an adult your parents move away from your hometown, the new place they live isn’t going to be your home and depending on where that new place is, it can be expensive and time-consuming to now visit some place where your only connection is that your parents now live there. My ILs moved from the home/area they had lived in for nearly 40 years a couple years ago and cannot grasp this concept, that it is a lot more difficult to visit their new location and a lot less compelling because of where it is and that my H has no connection to the location. Whereas before, he was happy to visit and bring the kids to see the places that were important to him growing up, he could still see his friends who settled there, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did this and it was fine. I survived. She’ll make new friends at college and keep in touch with the old ones through social media.

But will she be as inclined to want to visit as she would if she were going "home"?

Is this a serious question? Why would I not want to visit my parents and other siblings? This is just stupid. How long into adulthood are you going to cater to your child's every whim?

I don’t think it’s catering to their every whim. But no matter when as an adult your parents move away from your hometown, the new place they live isn’t going to be your home and depending on where that new place is, it can be expensive and time-consuming to now visit some place where your only connection is that your parents now live there. My ILs moved from the home/area they had lived in for nearly 40 years a couple years ago and cannot grasp this concept, that it is a lot more difficult to visit their new location and a lot less compelling because of where it is and that my H has no connection to the location. Whereas before, he was happy to visit and bring the kids to see the places that were important to him growing up, he could still see his friends who settled there, etc.

Wow, how old is your husband and doesn't he have a home and a life of his own?

[Anonymous]

My parents moved twice while I was in college. It was NBD. My point in going "home" was and always has been going to see my parents and siblings. Even in the 80s I was able to keep in contact with my friends from high school via phone and, gasp, letters. Frankly, if you're going home over the holidays then usually you don't have that much time anyway, even for Christmas Break. From someone who has BTDT it is a little ridiculous to think that a kid won't come "home" as often because the "home" changed cities or locales.

[Anonymous]

Once a kid goes off to college home never really remains home. You discover that friends don’t come back as often as you do, or move away as soon as they graduate. Life goes on. Life will go on for your daughter. It’s time for you to live your own life now. Stop coddling your children.

[Anonymous]

I don't cater to my kids' every whim but I wouldn't consider moving until my kids are out of college. We live in a county where we've had to change schools far too many times. I think the transition to college is stressful enough that I wouldn't throw in another life change so quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are divorcing and we will keep the family home until the youngest is a rising junior in college.

We expect our kids to have internships that summer.

I spent a lifetime building the community around us. I’m not going to just move away from that as soon as my kids go to college.

I think your daughter has a right to her feelings and it does not make ger immature to be connected to a community of friends.

I don’t think a lot of people on DCUM will understand that.

We moved while our kids were in high school and it was horrible even though they stayed at the same school. Our kids had a hard time with it. I agree with pp, respect your daughter's feelings - some kids just get more attached.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't cater to my kids' every whim but I wouldn't consider moving until my kids are out of college. We live in a county where we've had to change schools far too many times. I think the transition to college is stressful enough that I wouldn't throw in another life change so quickly.

This is the ideal, even if it's not always possible.

[Anonymous]

Get an airbnb to spend in your hometown for a week over the summer or for the holidays. that way she can visit some friends but definitely agree with other posters that she will adjust to the new home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Since you could telework, why not just move to her college town? Is it a nice town?

It's Williamsburg. HA! We wouldn't be the first to consider retirement there! We need more vibrancy I'm afraid and our DC would have none of it. Maybe that's a good sign.

Sounds like your kid is at W&M. I imagine she will make plenty of friends from Richmond and find that she has lots of new college friends to hang out with in Richmond on breaks. I'm sure it will be fine as it becomes the new normal!