Pregnant with non-boyfriend - he wants me to keep it

[Anonymous]

"Been dating a guy for about a year - were friends for a long time before that."

It's not like this is a one night stand with someone you don't know. You had sex without a condom and without being on bc and now you're pregnant and he would like to have the child. You mentioned that having 3 children with 2 fathers isn't a "look you aspire to" Really? This is your concern? I think it would be horrible for you to abort and I think you would regret it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marry him, idiot.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Get an abortion and tell him you miscarried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marry him?

I’ve thought about this. I worry, though, because he hasn’t even met my children, and it would be a huge change for everyone involved in a very short amount of time. Seems like a recipe for disaster.

Well, you're friends, you love him and he's suggested marriage. At 5 weeks, you both need to have the fast hard talk. Get an overnight sitter and hole up for 24 hours to figure it out. He has the means and from what he says, the desire to be with you and baby. He knows you have kids and still offered this commitment which means he is committed to your family. It's the best possible scenario.

Lot of details to work out but it can work. As long as your kids are loved and included in the process, they will be ok! You're not blending family, this will be their baby too! 9 months is a long time in kid time, they'll be ok!

[Anonymous]

Do you want to marry him OP? You’re divorced and should have a good idea whether he is marriage material or not. Money alone isn’t a good enough reason.

How old are your two kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marry him?

I’ve thought about this. I worry, though, because he hasn’t even met my children, and it would be a huge change for everyone involved in a very short amount of time. Seems like a recipe for disaster.

Well, you're friends, you love him and he's suggested marriage. At 5 weeks, you both need to have the fast hard talk. Get an overnight sitter and hole up for 24 hours to figure it out. He has the means and from what he says, the desire to be with you and baby. He knows you have kids and still offered this commitment which means he is committed to your family. It's the best possible scenario.

Lot of details to work out but it can work. As long as your kids are loved and included in the process, they will be ok! You're not blending family, this will be their baby too! 9 months is a long time in kid time, they'll be ok!

Or he's a single man-child with no actual idea about what it means to commit or be a father and so irresponsible he can't be trusted to use birth control when he's not ready for a baby. And getting married and bringing a baby and step parent into the home is not "including children in the process". It's forcing them into a situation I'm sure they wouldn't choose.

OP, it comes down to the kids you have already. Don't force them into a step parent situation because the irresponsible grown up you were having sex with doesn't want HIS child aborted. If he wants a baby so much, he can have one with a surrogate.

[Anonymous]

Considering you call him your non-boyfriend, I wouldn’t let him pressure you into having a baby. He’s clueless and you have two kids already. Going for two to three kids isn’t easy, even when married.

Yes, your relationship will end but you can find another FWB to hang out with when your kids are at their dad’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marry him?

I’ve thought about this. I worry, though, because he hasn’t even met my children, and it would be a huge change for everyone involved in a very short amount of time. Seems like a recipe for disaster.

Well, you're friends, you love him and he's suggested marriage. At 5 weeks, you both need to have the fast hard talk. Get an overnight sitter and hole up for 24 hours to figure it out. He has the means and from what he says, the desire to be with you and baby. He knows you have kids and still offered this commitment which means he is committed to your family. It's the best possible scenario.

Lot of details to work out but it can work. As long as your kids are loved and included in the process, they will be ok! You're not blending family, this will be their baby too! 9 months is a long time in kid time, they'll be ok!

Or he's a single man-child with no actual idea about what it means to commit or be a father and so irresponsible he can't be trusted to use birth control when he's not ready for a baby. And getting married and bringing a baby and step parent into the home is not "including children in the process". It's forcing them into a situation I'm sure they wouldn't choose.

OP, it comes down to the kids you have already. Don't force them into a step parent situation because the irresponsible grown up you were having sex with doesn't want HIS child aborted. If he wants a baby so much, he can have one with a surrogate.

No man or woman has an "actual idea about what it means to commit or be a father"/mother until they commit!

"He can't be trusted to use birth control when he's not ready for a baby" Um it takes two to tango...OP isn't on bc and didn't bring a condom to the party!

How dare any anonymous poster tell a stranger to abort! That's some serious advice! I would never advise abortion or divorce or impart my beliefs onto someone. I also wouldn't judge someone's choices based on their personal circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Three options here:
Have the kid with him
Have the kid and give him full custody
Have an abortion

I don't judge - it's your right to do any of the three. I do feel like you could at least consider the first two, though, before going down the road of the 3rd. Do you think he'd be a good father? Would you marry him if you weren't pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How far along are you? If you weren’t pregnant would you have any ongoing friendship/relationship with him?

Five weeks. Yes, I love him and I like him - this just wasn’t in the plans.

Sounds like you guys are good together. Why not explore being a family?

[Anonymous]

Why is he a "non-boyfriend"?

[Anonymous]

I'm confused.

You've been dating him for a year, were friends before that, are having unprotected sex - so what makes him a 'non boyfriend?' You aren't exclusive?

I agree with others that he doesn't get to play the Catholic card - if he were THAT religious and not a member of the clergy he'd already be married and not having unprotected sex.

I can't believe people are suggesting you abort and don't tell him. No wonder people on her have such terrible relationships.

TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused.

You've been dating him for a year, were friends before that, are having unprotected sex - so what makes him a 'non boyfriend?' You aren't exclusive?

I agree with others that he doesn't get to play the Catholic card - if he were THAT religious and not a member of the clergy he'd already be married and not having unprotected sex.

I can't believe people are suggesting you abort and don't tell him. No wonder people on her have such terrible relationships.

TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT.

Sorry I see you did talk to him. What does HE suggest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marry him?

I’ve thought about this. I worry, though, because he hasn’t even met my children, and it would be a huge change for everyone involved in a very short amount of time. Seems like a recipe for disaster.

Well, you're friends, you love him and he's suggested marriage. At 5 weeks, you both need to have the fast hard talk. Get an overnight sitter and hole up for 24 hours to figure it out. He has the means and from what he says, the desire to be with you and baby. He knows you have kids and still offered this commitment which means he is committed to your family. It's the best possible scenario.

Lot of details to work out but it can work. As long as your kids are loved and included in the process, they will be ok! You're not blending family, this will be their baby too! 9 months is a long time in kid time, they'll be ok!

Or he's a single man-child with no actual idea about what it means to commit or be a father and so irresponsible he can't be trusted to use birth control when he's not ready for a baby. And getting married and bringing a baby and step parent into the home is not "including children in the process". It's forcing them into a situation I'm sure they wouldn't choose.

OP, it comes down to the kids you have already. Don't force them into a step parent situation because the irresponsible grown up you were having sex with doesn't want HIS child aborted. If he wants a baby so much, he can have one with a surrogate.

Has he ever expressed interest in meeting your children? Has he ever offered to help raise them too? What does he think fatherhood will be like? If all he's willing to throw at the problem is money (and not late night feedings, driving the big kids to activities, splitting drop off/pickup, etc) then don't have a kid with him.

[Anonymous]

In your shoes, my own, living, right-here-at-home now kids would be THE one and only key thing to consider here. This would rock their world twice over (new stepdad and new sibling) and would also possibly set up a huge divide in your home: Your kids with your ex, and "his" kid for whom the "has millions" dad could provide. There is no plan at all for his being a parent to your children and you have zero idea how he might treat them, or whether he is in any way equipped mentally or emotionally to be their stepfather. He has no children of his own, he hasn't even met your children (yet you have known each other as friends for years so... he's never even met them casually before you were sleeping together?). I would put my own existing children first and recognize that this is recipe for a divided household.

Also: He offered marriage only after he got you pregnant. I know that can work out; I've seen it work. But honestly I'd always wonder if he would have wanted to marry me without the "oops" pregnancy. Not a great basis for a solid life together.

The Catholic thing is just dumb. Does he actually attend church? Participate in a religious life? If his only "Catholicism" is that which emerged when he told you he doesn't like abortion, then he's not really religious; he just has qualms based on a knee-jerk response to the idea of abortion. Don't let the religious claim sway you at all here.

Your post indicates you are not thrilled and also not in some kind of gooey "We're having a baby and that will bring us closer together!" romantic phase about all this. Follow your instinct here. If you keep this baby I would consider doing it without marrying him until AFTER the baby is here and he has had a lot of time to get to know your own children well. And I'd get all the legal ducks in a row for child support and custody arrangements until you do marry him -- if you do. If you choose not to have this baby I would not lie and invent a miscarriage but would have the abortion and then tell him. He will likely break up over it so be ready for that.