Unexpected sahm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think this thread is likely to go well, op. Dcum can’t be rational on this subject.

+1.


In DCUM-land, the only winners are the moms who work part-time or flexibly from home but manage to make 500k annually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think this thread is likely to go well, op. Dcum can’t be rational on this subject.

+1.


In DCUM-land, the only winners are the moms who work part-time or flexibly from home but manage to make 500k annually.

And, of course, said job must be socially beneficial and intellectually deeply rewarding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I SAHMed leaving a well-paying but a soul sucking job. There are some things that I negotiated with DH since he was the one who was begging me to SAHM because of his career and travelling.

- I was never going back to work. I put this condition because I knew leaving my job meant that it would be very difficult to get back at the same position. I would have had to start at entry level. Having said that, I will go back to work when I want, but without any pressure to do so.

- DH was responsible entirely for retirement and college. I wanted to know how much my puny by comparison pay mattered to our finances. Evidently, not much!

- I would retain all domestic help that I had in place when I was a WOHM. This was so that I was actually spending time with the kids instead of doing chores that I never liked to do and which I knew would make me very resentful.

- I wanted financial protection - insurance, joint everything etc.

Once all of that was in place. I quit. I filled my kids days with the kind of enrichment that I wanted them to have - museums. trips, parks, arts and crafts, hobbies, sports etc. And I gave my whole family and myself a break by making sure that the outsourcing of chores was enabling all of us to have quality time with each other.

Regarding how others viewed me - I did not care. It was not as if I was unaware of the challenges of being a WOHM and being an office worker. I was not going to fall in that trap.

As far as socializing was concerned - I have my pet projects, causes, hobbies and friend circle. I also started to take a bunch of community college courses for the sheer fun of learning and of course there is volunteering in my kids schools.

This is truly a personal decision. If you hate being at home or with kids or will become anxious/depressed/isolated, please don't stay at home. Working or staying at home - neither will make or break your kids. Children from homes with both WOH or SAH parent(s) are equally successful.

Working mom here. See THIS sounds like a nice and fulfilling life to me. Enriching activities for the kids, projects and hobbies and an actual friend circle for mom. Romance novel SAHM, did you see this one??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I SAHMed leaving a well-paying but a soul sucking job. There are some things that I negotiated with DH since he was the one who was begging me to SAHM because of his career and travelling.

- I was never going back to work. I put this condition because I knew leaving my job meant that it would be very difficult to get back at the same position. I would have had to start at entry level. Having said that, I will go back to work when I want, but without any pressure to do so.

- DH was responsible entirely for retirement and college. I wanted to know how much my puny by comparison pay mattered to our finances. Evidently, not much!

- I would retain all domestic help that I had in place when I was a WOHM. This was so that I was actually spending time with the kids instead of doing chores that I never liked to do and which I knew would make me very resentful.

- I wanted financial protection - insurance, joint everything etc.

Once all of that was in place. I quit. I filled my kids days with the kind of enrichment that I wanted them to have - museums. trips, parks, arts and crafts, hobbies, sports etc. And I gave my whole family and myself a break by making sure that the outsourcing of chores was enabling all of us to have quality time with each other.

Regarding how others viewed me - I did not care. It was not as if I was unaware of the challenges of being a WOHM and being an office worker. I was not going to fall in that trap.

As far as socializing was concerned - I have my pet projects, causes, hobbies and friend circle. I also started to take a bunch of community college courses for the sheer fun of learning and of course there is volunteering in my kids schools.

This is truly a personal decision. If you hate being at home or with kids or will become anxious/depressed/isolated, please don't stay at home. Working or staying at home - neither will make or break your kids. Children from homes with both WOH or SAH parent(s) are equally successful.

This post reeks of so. Much. Privilege. Most people in the world do not have the luxury of these choices.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me. Eighteen year old me would be shocked and horrified that 38 year old me is a SAHM. Lol

But, that being said, it’s actually a really nice fit for for me. I am a tightly wound, highly anxious person. Super type A in school and later at work. I was very unhappy but didn’t realize why. I was also really bad at juggling my baby and work and I felt I wasn’t doing a good enough job with the baby, who was, after all, my top priority. Anyway, when I stopped working, that alleviated a LOT of stress. In retrospect, I was mentally unwell and obsessed with work. Not working allows me to be a much more laid back, go with the flow, happier person. For me with my particular circumstances (high anxiety, DH makes a lot of money) not working is the best thing I can do for my own sanity and the happiness of our family.

YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAHMed leaving a well-paying but a soul sucking job. There are some things that I negotiated with DH since he was the one who was begging me to SAHM because of his career and travelling.

...

This is truly a personal decision. If you hate being at home or with kids or will become anxious/depressed/isolated, please don't stay at home. Working or staying at home - neither will make or break your kids. Children from homes with both WOH or SAH parent(s) are equally successful.

This post reeks of so. Much. Privilege. Most people in the world do not have the luxury of these choices.

Many people in DC, the US, and the world do not have the luxury of deciding IF they should work at all so the entire subject is for the privileged, if you're looking for something to get worked up about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAHMed leaving a well-paying but a soul sucking job. There are some things that I negotiated with DH since he was the one who was begging me to SAHM because of his career and travelling.

- I was never going back to work. I put this condition because I knew leaving my job meant that it would be very difficult to get back at the same position. I would have had to start at entry level. Having said that, I will go back to work when I want, but without any pressure to do so.

- DH was responsible entirely for retirement and college. I wanted to know how much my puny by comparison pay mattered to our finances. Evidently, not much!

- I would retain all domestic help that I had in place when I was a WOHM. This was so that I was actually spending time with the kids instead of doing chores that I never liked to do and which I knew would make me very resentful.

- I wanted financial protection - insurance, joint everything etc.

Once all of that was in place. I quit. I filled my kids days with the kind of enrichment that I wanted them to have - museums. trips, parks, arts and crafts, hobbies, sports etc. And I gave my whole family and myself a break by making sure that the outsourcing of chores was enabling all of us to have quality time with each other.

Regarding how others viewed me - I did not care. It was not as if I was unaware of the challenges of being a WOHM and being an office worker. I was not going to fall in that trap.

As far as socializing was concerned - I have my pet projects, causes, hobbies and friend circle. I also started to take a bunch of community college courses for the sheer fun of learning and of course there is volunteering in my kids schools.

This is truly a personal decision. If you hate being at home or with kids or will become anxious/depressed/isolated, please don't stay at home. Working or staying at home - neither will make or break your kids. Children from homes with both WOH or SAH parent(s) are equally successful.

This post reeks of so. Much. Privilege. Most people in the world do not have the luxury of these choices.

13:00 here

Not that much privilege. I have the same life and so do all the other SAHMs I know.

It’s normal for high earners to have SAHM wives. It alleviates a lot of pressure on the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAHMed leaving a well-paying but a soul sucking job. There are some things that I negotiated with DH since he was the one who was begging me to SAHM because of his career and travelling.

- I was never going back to work. I put this condition because I knew leaving my job meant that it would be very difficult to get back at the same position. I would have had to start at entry level. Having said that, I will go back to work when I want, but without any pressure to do so.

- DH was responsible entirely for retirement and college. I wanted to know how much my puny by comparison pay mattered to our finances. Evidently, not much!

- I would retain all domestic help that I had in place when I was a WOHM. This was so that I was actually spending time with the kids instead of doing chores that I never liked to do and which I knew would make me very resentful.

- I wanted financial protection - insurance, joint everything etc.

Once all of that was in place. I quit. I filled my kids days with the kind of enrichment that I wanted them to have - museums. trips, parks, arts and crafts, hobbies, sports etc. And I gave my whole family and myself a break by making sure that the outsourcing of chores was enabling all of us to have quality time with each other.

Regarding how others viewed me - I did not care. It was not as if I was unaware of the challenges of being a WOHM and being an office worker. I was not going to fall in that trap.

As far as socializing was concerned - I have my pet projects, causes, hobbies and friend circle. I also started to take a bunch of community college courses for the sheer fun of learning and of course there is volunteering in my kids schools.

This is truly a personal decision. If you hate being at home or with kids or will become anxious/depressed/isolated, please don't stay at home. Working or staying at home - neither will make or break your kids. Children from homes with both WOH or SAH parent(s) are equally successful.

This post reeks of so. Much. Privilege. Most people in the world do not have the luxury of these choices.

She ain't pontificating that everyone should live like this. OP has the same privilege. Almost everyone on this board has the same privilege. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We both stepped back when we realized the balance wasn't working for us: one to a less time demanding position and one to SAH. We cut our already high HHI in half. But, we had lived frugally and saved a ton before then, already bought a forever home in a top school district, since we were somewhat older first time parents. So with very secure finances, we have had zero regrets. Kids can be full pay at any college they choose. We revisited our options every few years to make sure we are both still happy and on board, and 16 years into it, we are still happy. And, of course, the SAH parent is not a couch potato, so there has been no boredom/depression/unfulfilled life issues from letting go of the brass ring -- quite the opposite actually.

17:56 here, and wow. Way to be a total bitch assuming that my unhappiness being a SAHM was because I couldn't be bothered to get off the couch.

Everything is not about you.

PP shared her experience of staying home. Stop projecting your insecurities on other people.

Right? Not about you, PP. Obviously just pre-empting the constant stream of SAHM-haters who accuse all SAHMs of being lazy, sitting around all day losing brain cells and going stir crazy (a thing that I have never seen among any of the SAHMs I know, btw).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I'd want to stay home with my kids either, op. I don't quite understand the first response to you, it seemed nasty. First, you have control over how it goes emotionally. First, you need things you can do and want to do with your kids. For us that required moving to a different house to a neighborhood with lots of kids and a neighborhood pool. The moms are great to socialize with, and it is incredibly relaxing going to the pool and seeing the same crowd. They don't know my innermost thoughts, and I don't know theirs, but I do like the consistency. The libraries are active with kids events, story times and the like, as are the local parks and nature centers. My goal is to spend as little money as possible on kids activities. We bought a house that has a central floor plan, I can hear everything that's going on without being in the same room. When I need/want quiet, I can shut my bedroom door, it is surprisingly sound-proof in there.
Join a religious group of your choosing, it is surprising how quickly your kids will like some of what they learn and the people they meet. Realize that with both groups, (and they) may not like everybody every time you and they see them, but they are a core group you can get to know. That is incredible valuable. Join a moms group, the good ones will keep you informed of events you can do during the day. Incorporate your kids into your interests, we are waiting for the Falcon Heavy to launch. Two of my kids are excited about it, and if the youngest gets up, he's joining us. Find books that you like that may be appropriate for your kids, the books get better the older they get. Tell them what you're reading and why you like it. Even my preschooler understands that romance books make me happy because people get married at the end. In other words, treat your kids like you value them. Listen to them and let them know what matters to you. Don't be afraid to tell your husband what you need. View staying at home as a career and act accordingly. Men aren't shy about asking for and getting what they need in order to do their jobs, so don't hesitate to learn from. My husband was thrilled about a new computer he got for his job. Finally, make sure your husband knows you and the kids need and want him around as much as possible. Nobody wants to be viewed as a walking wallet. Talk with him about why he travels so much and what he gets out of it. If it works for the family that's fine, just don't except it as what "has to be" if/when it becomes untennable to you or the kids. My husband seems surprised at how much he enjoys our kids. Make sure you and your kids aren't getting the butt end of your husband when he is home. All of you deserve better then that including him.

This sounds so suffocating. I would pay money to NOT join a religious group, hang out with moms at the pool, and read romance novels.

The contrast between "My husband was thrilled about a new computer he got for his job" and then "My husband seems surprised at how much he enjoys our kids" was a little jarring for me to read.

We all have different expectations of our spouses, but I get really tired of reading how women selflessly accommodate and support their husband's big important careers, and then celebrate when he does the most basic of fatherly duties, like enjoy the company of his kids.

When are we going to start calling men out for their selfish behavior? Story after story on this website emphasize that the husband cannot leave his high paying job that requires a lot of travel. Actually, if all of these moms can change their lives around to meet the needs of their children, then dads can do it too.

Yes. I agree with both of the responses here. Ugh, the original OP sounds so intolerable.

I think she sounds like a nice person who smiles a lot and enjoys spending time with her husband and children.
I imagine her as the lady at the pool in a modest swimsuit that a toddler is trying to pull down, watching and talking to her older kids, but not aggressively playing with them, and talking to the other moms and lifeguards.
When her husband shows up, he is one of those guys with a big job who thinks his wife is the most amazing person in the world for running their family and home life the way she does.
I am not saying that you have to want to be that person, but who hates that person?

Wow you are reading some dull romance novels. Look for a few stories with sexy swimsuits and lifeguard liaisons.

Seriously though--I am not here to bash SAHMs, I think that ground has been covered on DCUM. I'm just wondering why families orbit around the father's star at the expense of the other parent? Why does he not have to make any hard choices, while mothers have to agonize over their current and future job prospects, and also creating a supportive community in lieu of their husband's absence?

Why do people do this? $$$$

For a lot of men, having a sah wife frees them up to throw all their energy at work and can mean the difference between middle management and C-suite.

In other words, jobs that top out at 250-300k vs. 7 figures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I'd want to stay home with my kids either, op. I don't quite understand the first response to you, it seemed nasty. First, you have control over how it goes emotionally. First, you need things you can do and want to do with your kids. For us that required moving to a different house to a neighborhood with lots of kids and a neighborhood pool. The moms are great to socialize with, and it is incredibly relaxing going to the pool and seeing the same crowd. They don't know my innermost thoughts, and I don't know theirs, but I do like the consistency. The libraries are active with kids events, story times and the like, as are the local parks and nature centers. My goal is to spend as little money as possible on kids activities. We bought a house that has a central floor plan, I can hear everything that's going on without being in the same room. When I need/want quiet, I can shut my bedroom door, it is surprisingly sound-proof in there.
Join a religious group of your choosing, it is surprising how quickly your kids will like some of what they learn and the people they meet. Realize that with both groups, (and they) may not like everybody every time you and they see them, but they are a core group you can get to know. That is incredible valuable. Join a moms group, the good ones will keep you informed of events you can do during the day. Incorporate your kids into your interests, we are waiting for the Falcon Heavy to launch. Two of my kids are excited about it, and if the youngest gets up, he's joining us. Find books that you like that may be appropriate for your kids, the books get better the older they get. Tell them what you're reading and why you like it. Even my preschooler understands that romance books make me happy because people get married at the end. In other words, treat your kids like you value them. Listen to them and let them know what matters to you. Don't be afraid to tell your husband what you need. View staying at home as a career and act accordingly. Men aren't shy about asking for and getting what they need in order to do their jobs, so don't hesitate to learn from. My husband was thrilled about a new computer he got for his job. Finally, make sure your husband knows you and the kids need and want him around as much as possible. Nobody wants to be viewed as a walking wallet. Talk with him about why he travels so much and what he gets out of it. If it works for the family that's fine, just don't except it as what "has to be" if/when it becomes untennable to you or the kids. My husband seems surprised at how much he enjoys our kids. Make sure you and your kids aren't getting the butt end of your husband when he is home. All of you deserve better then that including him.

Love your post where is this neighborhood and how did you find it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I SAHMed leaving a well-paying but a soul sucking job. There are some things that I negotiated with DH since he was the one who was begging me to SAHM because of his career and travelling.

- I was never going back to work. I put this condition because I knew leaving my job meant that it would be very difficult to get back at the same position. I would have had to start at entry level. Having said that, I will go back to work when I want, but without any pressure to do so.

- DH was responsible entirely for retirement and college. I wanted to know how much my puny by comparison pay mattered to our finances. Evidently, not much!

- I would retain all domestic help that I had in place when I was a WOHM. This was so that I was actually spending time with the kids instead of doing chores that I never liked to do and which I knew would make me very resentful.

- I wanted financial protection - insurance, joint everything etc.

Once all of that was in place. I quit. I filled my kids days with the kind of enrichment that I wanted them to have - museums. trips, parks, arts and crafts, hobbies, sports etc. And I gave my whole family and myself a break by making sure that the outsourcing of chores was enabling all of us to have quality time with each other.

Regarding how others viewed me - I did not care. It was not as if I was unaware of the challenges of being a WOHM and being an office worker. I was not going to fall in that trap.

As far as socializing was concerned - I have my pet projects, causes, hobbies and friend circle. I also started to take a bunch of community college courses for the sheer fun of learning and of course there is volunteering in my kids schools.

This is truly a personal decision. If you hate being at home or with kids or will become anxious/depressed/isolated, please don't stay at home. Working or staying at home - neither will make or break your kids. Children from homes with both WOH or SAH parent(s) are equally successful.

Did you do a post-nup? It sounds like you’re protected in case he dies, but holding everything jointly doesn’t help you much if he divorces you. I know four people who just in the past six months had their husbands up and leave without notice after their wives had been home 10+ years. The spousal support agreements they’re negotiating are good for the next 8-10 years, but only for living on and not enough to save toward retirement or anything. Now they’re scrambling to find jobs and frustrated that they’re in such shitty financial positions long-term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I'd want to stay home with my kids either, op. I don't quite understand the first response to you, it seemed nasty. First, you have control over how it goes emotionally. First, you need things you can do and want to do with your kids. For us that required moving to a different house to a neighborhood with lots of kids and a neighborhood pool. The moms are great to socialize with, and it is incredibly relaxing going to the pool and seeing the same crowd. They don't know my innermost thoughts, and I don't know theirs, but I do like the consistency. The libraries are active with kids events, story times and the like, as are the local parks and nature centers. My goal is to spend as little money as possible on kids activities. We bought a house that has a central floor plan, I can hear everything that's going on without being in the same room. When I need/want quiet, I can shut my bedroom door, it is surprisingly sound-proof in there.
Join a religious group of your choosing, it is surprising how quickly your kids will like some of what they learn and the people they meet. Realize that with both groups, (and they) may not like everybody every time you and they see them, but they are a core group you can get to know. That is incredible valuable. Join a moms group, the good ones will keep you informed of events you can do during the day. Incorporate your kids into your interests, we are waiting for the Falcon Heavy to launch. Two of my kids are excited about it, and if the youngest gets up, he's joining us. Find books that you like that may be appropriate for your kids, the books get better the older they get. Tell them what you're reading and why you like it. Even my preschooler understands that romance books make me happy because people get married at the end. In other words, treat your kids like you value them. Listen to them and let them know what matters to you. Don't be afraid to tell your husband what you need. View staying at home as a career and act accordingly. Men aren't shy about asking for and getting what they need in order to do their jobs, so don't hesitate to learn from. My husband was thrilled about a new computer he got for his job. Finally, make sure your husband knows you and the kids need and want him around as much as possible. Nobody wants to be viewed as a walking wallet. Talk with him about why he travels so much and what he gets out of it. If it works for the family that's fine, just don't except it as what "has to be" if/when it becomes untennable to you or the kids. My husband seems surprised at how much he enjoys our kids. Make sure you and your kids aren't getting the butt end of your husband when he is home. All of you deserve better then that including him.

This sounds so suffocating. I would pay money to NOT join a religious group, hang out with moms at the pool, and read romance novels.

The contrast between "My husband was thrilled about a new computer he got for his job" and then "My husband seems surprised at how much he enjoys our kids" was a little jarring for me to read.

We all have different expectations of our spouses, but I get really tired of reading how women selflessly accommodate and support their husband's big important careers, and then celebrate when he does the most basic of fatherly duties, like enjoy the company of his kids.

When are we going to start calling men out for their selfish behavior? Story after story on this website emphasize that the husband cannot leave his high paying job that requires a lot of travel. Actually, if all of these moms can change their lives around to meet the needs of their children, then dads can do it too.

Yes. I agree with both of the responses here. Ugh, the original OP sounds so intolerable.

I think she sounds like a nice person who smiles a lot and enjoys spending time with her husband and children.
I imagine her as the lady at the pool in a modest swimsuit that a toddler is trying to pull down, watching and talking to her older kids, but not aggressively playing with them, and talking to the other moms and lifeguards.
When her husband shows up, he is one of those guys with a big job who thinks his wife is the most amazing person in the world for running their family and home life the way she does.
I am not saying that you have to want to be that person, but who hates that person?

Wow you are reading some dull romance novels. Look for a few stories with sexy swimsuits and lifeguard liaisons.

Seriously though--I am not here to bash SAHMs, I think that ground has been covered on DCUM. I'm just wondering why families orbit around the father's star at the expense of the other parent? Why does he not have to make any hard choices, while mothers have to agonize over their current and future job prospects, and also creating a supportive community in lieu of their husband's absence?

Why do people do this? $$$$

For a lot of men, having a sah wife frees them up to throw all their energy at work and can mean the difference between middle management and C-suite.

In other words, jobs that top out at 250-300k vs. 7 figures.

You care more about a bigger paycheck than your husband putting energy into his family. So be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I'd want to stay home with my kids either, op. I don't quite understand the first response to you, it seemed nasty. First, you have control over how it goes emotionally. First, you need things you can do and want to do with your kids. For us that required moving to a different house to a neighborhood with lots of kids and a neighborhood pool. The moms are great to socialize with, and it is incredibly relaxing going to the pool and seeing the same crowd. They don't know my innermost thoughts, and I don't know theirs, but I do like the consistency. The libraries are active with kids events, story times and the like, as are the local parks and nature centers. My goal is to spend as little money as possible on kids activities. We bought a house that has a central floor plan, I can hear everything that's going on without being in the same room. When I need/want quiet, I can shut my bedroom door, it is surprisingly sound-proof in there.
Join a religious group of your choosing, it is surprising how quickly your kids will like some of what they learn and the people they meet. Realize that with both groups, (and they) may not like everybody every time you and they see them, but they are a core group you can get to know. That is incredible valuable. Join a moms group, the good ones will keep you informed of events you can do during the day. Incorporate your kids into your interests, we are waiting for the Falcon Heavy to launch. Two of my kids are excited about it, and if the youngest gets up, he's joining us. Find books that you like that may be appropriate for your kids, the books get better the older they get. Tell them what you're reading and why you like it. Even my preschooler understands that romance books make me happy because people get married at the end. In other words, treat your kids like you value them. Listen to them and let them know what matters to you. Don't be afraid to tell your husband what you need. View staying at home as a career and act accordingly. Men aren't shy about asking for and getting what they need in order to do their jobs, so don't hesitate to learn from. My husband was thrilled about a new computer he got for his job. Finally, make sure your husband knows you and the kids need and want him around as much as possible. Nobody wants to be viewed as a walking wallet. Talk with him about why he travels so much and what he gets out of it. If it works for the family that's fine, just don't except it as what "has to be" if/when it becomes untennable to you or the kids. My husband seems surprised at how much he enjoys our kids. Make sure you and your kids aren't getting the butt end of your husband when he is home. All of you deserve better then that including him.

This sounds so suffocating. I would pay money to NOT join a religious group, hang out with moms at the pool, and read romance novels.

The contrast between "My husband was thrilled about a new computer he got for his job" and then "My husband seems surprised at how much he enjoys our kids" was a little jarring for me to read.

We all have different expectations of our spouses, but I get really tired of reading how women selflessly accommodate and support their husband's big important careers, and then celebrate when he does the most basic of fatherly duties, like enjoy the company of his kids.

When are we going to start calling men out for their selfish behavior? Story after story on this website emphasize that the husband cannot leave his high paying job that requires a lot of travel. Actually, if all of these moms can change their lives around to meet the needs of their children, then dads can do it too.

Yes. I agree with both of the responses here. Ugh, the original OP sounds so intolerable.

I think she sounds like a nice person who smiles a lot and enjoys spending time with her husband and children.
I imagine her as the lady at the pool in a modest swimsuit that a toddler is trying to pull down, watching and talking to her older kids, but not aggressively playing with them, and talking to the other moms and lifeguards.
When her husband shows up, he is one of those guys with a big job who thinks his wife is the most amazing person in the world for running their family and home life the way she does.
I am not saying that you have to want to be that person, but who hates that person?

Wow you are reading some dull romance novels. Look for a few stories with sexy swimsuits and lifeguard liaisons.

Seriously though--I am not here to bash SAHMs, I think that ground has been covered on DCUM. I'm just wondering why families orbit around the father's star at the expense of the other parent? Why does he not have to make any hard choices, while mothers have to agonize over their current and future job prospects, and also creating a supportive community in lieu of their husband's absence?

Why do people do this? $$$$

For a lot of men, having a sah wife frees them up to throw all their energy at work and can mean the difference between middle management and C-suite.

In other words, jobs that top out at 250-300k vs. 7 figures.

You care more about a bigger paycheck than your husband putting energy into his family. So be it.

Actually, for most people, it's caring about the quality time. When we both worked 50+ hours, he had to take on 1/2 the stuff around the house, leaving weekends for grocery shopping, cleaning, doc appts, errands, etc. Since I can take care of that stuff during the week, our weekends are 100% family time. We also meet him for lunch regularly during the summer. My youngest just started preschool so I have a light schedule consulting — I get to take on the work I actually want to do. I also am just so much less stressed. I know plenty of people who are good at it, but I was a terrible mother when work was stressful and my kids were less than angelic. Yes, I am incredibly lucky. But I'm not going to deny myself this opportunity since I have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAHMed leaving a well-paying but a soul sucking job. There are some things that I negotiated with DH since he was the one who was begging me to SAHM because of his career and travelling.

...

This is truly a personal decision. If you hate being at home or with kids or will become anxious/depressed/isolated, please don't stay at home. Working or staying at home - neither will make or break your kids. Children from homes with both WOH or SAH parent(s) are equally successful.

This post reeks of so. Much. Privilege. Most people in the world do not have the luxury of these choices.

Many people in DC, the US, and the world do not have the luxury of deciding [b]IF they should work at all so the entire subject is for the privileged, if you're looking for something to get worked up about.[/b]

+1. If this makes you upset, move along.