Resent DH that I can't be a SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM is a joint decision.

If both parties do not agree on it, then it would only create resentment from the other party. This can kill your marriage.

It's not a joint decision if her health is at risk. If she can get leave from work and can get approval from her employer she should take it. His financial goals do not trump her health or their family. What do you think couples do when one of them has cancer or gets laid off. They cope.

She went through a lot, I'd be resentful if he didn't support me during that time. You can bet I'd take a year off or work p/t. Glad OP withdrew the building contract because their kids come first, not her husband selfish needs.

[Anonymous]

hire help. whatever help you need to get a break. I am sure some part of him was thinking "we wanted these kids so badly and now she thinks they are too much? WTF?" but....reality. pay people to assist you to get yourself in a good mental position again. your DH isn't helping you and to me, that is not acceptable. He needs to be taking over some of the responsibilities.

I would not divorce as this will not improve single.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, I feel bad that your husband does not seem concerned about your mental health. You are reaching out and communicating with him, that is good. He seems like a complete jerk. I have a friend like you was in a similar situation and she ended up on a psychiatric inpatient unit.

What are his suggestions to help you manage everything?
Do you have a cleaning service, can you have them come more often?

Don't cook if you do, pick up food....every day.

Hire a nanny or two.

Outsource EVERYTHING you can, it seems you can afford it.

Good luck. As the kids get older it will get better but you are still recovering and adjusting to being a parent. This is HARD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Work part time and don't tell him. Supplement the money you need for bills with your $4M. Reassess at 9 months.

You don't have to do what you husband tells you to do.

Sure. And he doesn't have to do do what she wants - support her while she stays at home.

Look, the default in this country is that adults work, in order to pay the bills. You may not like it, but that's the way it is. I agree with a PP that in a relationship, if one person wants to stop working, it needs two yes votes. Without consensus, the default - everyone works - continues.

She is paying the bills with $4M that is her money .. she makes more than him.

In 9 months the kids will be much older and she can go back full time.

Btw working part time is not NOT working, especially when you make more.

No she’s not. She said the 4M is in retirement accounts and the house. That isn’t cash in hand. She also said in her OP that they make the same money.

[Anonymous]

I refuse to believe that anybody with that net worth and such high earning potential is dumb enough that you can't figure out your own solution to this problem without crowdsourcing on DCUM, especially knowing how so many here feel about SAHM vs WOHM. Just don't believe it.

[Anonymous]

So you finally had the children you wanted for a long time and you're still not happy? how about you take some short term disability to properly recover and treat your depression and then reevaluate what you want when you feel better?

[Anonymous]

Wow, some of these posts have to be from men who have no clue.

[Anonymous]

Get a third party to review your finances and lay out the economic effect of your being a SAHM. Make sure your husband is part of the process. You need to determine the affordability of your being at home and the affordability of a new home. Get all of the numbers down and then have a fact based discussion. This will help temper the emotions on both sides.

[Anonymous]

Since when is a million dollar home a dream home? That's cheap. I live in Toronto. My networth is 2.5 million and my home is worth 2.4 million.
Its not even extravagant.

[Anonymous]

If you both make around the same and he doesn't want you to be a SAHM, I'm confused why you would ask him if he would stay home. He wants two incomes. If you can afford not to work but just maybe not the same lifestyle and savings accumulation and he isn't willing to budge that is hard to get past. How old are the kids? Perhaps you can take a several month- year leave of absence? Or is working from home an option? There is a ton of benefit to kids having a parent home with them in those early years and I would make that case as strong as I could. If he still didn't agree and you still feel strongly about it, don't work. If you can afford not to be can't force you to. There will be resentment if you work or don't work from one of you. Him resenting you for staying home and nurturing your kids is pretty low- but at least your kids benefit

[Anonymous]

Wow, some of these posts have to be from men who have no clue.

Yes and the remainder are from women who have no clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wow, some of these posts have to be from men who have no clue.

Yes and the remainder are from women who have no clue.

Please get back to us when you've carried and birthed twins and then almost died in the process. You have no clue.

[Anonymous]

It just seems like you are both digging in your heels on all or nothing - there are a million options or scenarios that would be between here and there - I would start with individual counseling for you - you need support and life has been really tough. I would also try to talk to your husband in a heart to heart problem solving mode of how to make things more manageable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you both make around the same and he doesn't want you to be a SAHM, I'm confused why you would ask him if he would stay home. He wants two incomes. If you can afford not to work but just maybe not the same lifestyle and savings accumulation and he isn't willing to budge that is hard to get past. How old are the kids? Perhaps you can take a several month- year leave of absence? Or is working from home an option? There is a ton of benefit to kids having a parent home with them in those early years and I would make that case as strong as I could. If he still didn't agree and you still feel strongly about it, don't work. If you can afford not to be can't force you to. There will be resentment if you work or don't work from one of you. Him resenting you for staying home and nurturing your kids is pretty low- but at least your kids benefit

Really? So when he views her quitting work unilaterally as a betrayal and initiates divorce proceedings, she won't be forced to go back to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you both make around the same and he doesn't want you to be a SAHM, I'm confused why you would ask him if he would stay home. He wants two incomes. If you can afford not to work but just maybe not the same lifestyle and savings accumulation and he isn't willing to budge that is hard to get past. How old are the kids? Perhaps you can take a several month- year leave of absence? Or is working from home an option? There is a ton of benefit to kids having a parent home with them in those early years and I would make that case as strong as I could. If he still didn't agree and you still feel strongly about it, don't work. If you can afford not to be can't force you to. There will be resentment if you work or don't work from one of you. Him resenting you for staying home and nurturing your kids is pretty low- but at least your kids benefit

Really? So when he views her quitting work unilaterally as a betrayal and initiates divorce proceedings, she won't be forced to go back to work?

Depends how much alimony and child support he would be paying she may not have to go anytime soon. He would be an idiot to divorce and would lose way more money than if he would come to terms for her being a SAHM at least temporarily