Leave apouse for affair partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Once the kids went to College. No one knows I left for AP. They all think we began dating after the divorce.

We know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce rate for couples who marry as a result of infidelity have an almost 80% divorce rate.

Do you have a link for this statistic? I have heard these type statistics over the years, but IRL, most of the people I know who married their APs are still married (for now?)...

Maybe it is a socioeconomic thing? I'd be curious to see the breakout by economic demographic. I live in an upper-class area and these second marriages are prenuped to the hilt, but do seem to stick.

Maybe this stat includes trailer parks and lower middle class situations?

You're an ass. Look it up yourself, or ask your butler.

[Anonymous]

I'll bet the "happiness meter" reflects the human population whatever the marital status .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did. We’ve been together 14 years and married. However, while the marriage is great, it causes family issues. Don’t do it.

I’m very confused about this post. You have a great marriage, but you still have an affair?

Not pp, but I think they’re saying they had an affair, left their spouse to marry the AP, and the current marriage to the AP is great but has caused other problems.

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did. We’ve been together 14 years and married. However, while the marriage is great, it causes family issues. Don’t do it.

I’m very confused about this post. You have a great marriage, but you still have an affair?

Not pp, but I think they’re saying they had an affair, left their spouse to marry the AP, and the current marriage to the AP is great but has caused other problems.

Yes.

Yes, we all got it as it was very clearly written. Don't mind the PP with comprehension issues.

[Anonymous]

I think in general anyone who leaves their spouse for the affair partner is probably doing their spouse a big favor. They probably won't realize it at first, but eventually they will. They may even thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin did this... we were raised together so he’s like a brother to me. He stayed with his AP for almost 5 years after leaving his wife. His AP ended up cheating on him and leaving.... after finding out my cousin had been cheating on her for years.

For what it’s worth, she never really lived down the reputation as far as his family was concerned. We all liked her and welcomed her, but no one trusted her and always questioned her honesty and integrity. Same for him, but he’s always been slutty cousin Larlo.

His ex wife continues to come to family events, is loved and welcomed, and has long since remarried to a great guy who treats her far better than my cousin ever did. Their kids have issues, but there’s no way to know what caused them, they have 3 girls. The oldest is easily 250 lbs, and the younger two are right on her heels. Their dad is obese, so it’s possible they would have picked up those habits anyway.

Or genetics

But wow - I didn't see that fat shaming twist coming to that story

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin did this... we were raised together so he’s like a brother to me. He stayed with his AP for almost 5 years after leaving his wife. His AP ended up cheating on him and leaving.... after finding out my cousin had been cheating on her for years.

For what it’s worth, she never really lived down the reputation as far as his family was concerned. We all liked her and welcomed her, but no one trusted her and always questioned her honesty and integrity. Same for him, but he’s always been slutty cousin Larlo.

His ex wife continues to come to family events, is loved and welcomed, and has long since remarried to a great guy who treats her far better than my cousin ever did. Their kids have issues, but there’s no way to know what caused them, they have 3 girls. The oldest is easily 250 lbs, and the younger two are right on her heels. Their dad is obese, so it’s possible they would have picked up those habits anyway.

Or genetics

But wow - I didn't see that fat shaming twist coming to that story

And, yet, I'm sure you'd be fine with it if OP pointed out that the three girls turned out seriously anorexic.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who did. She and AP never plan to marry, but they are very happily dating a few years after the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think in general anyone who leaves their spouse for the affair partner is probably doing their spouse a big favor. They probably won't realize it at first, but eventually they will. They may even thank you!

This times one million. I'm so glad that woman took my ex off my hands. Now I'm with someone who makes more money, is amazing in bed, super sweet and worships me for some reason.

I didnt have kids with my ex but we both did with our second spouses. I won in the adorable kid category as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in general anyone who leaves their spouse for the affair partner is probably doing their spouse a big favor. They probably won't realize it at first, but eventually they will. They may even thank you!

This times one million. I'm so glad that woman took my ex off my hands. Now I'm with someone who makes more money, is amazing in bed, super sweet and worships me for some reason.

I didnt have kids with my ex but we both did with our second spouses. I won in the adorable kid category as well.

The fact that you are so competitive probably had a factor in the situation.

[Anonymous]

My AP and I have been seeing each other off and on for alost 5 years. Even though we get slong so well and love spending time with each other we both agree we could never have a real relationship together.

Part of why we get along so well is that we don't have all the baggage that being married has. At the start of our affair I could have seen myself leaving my DH for him but realized things would never be the same with him.

We make the most of our time together and thats where it ends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The stigma will follow you FOREVER, and it's is a million times worse for the female. Everyone in his family will always, always think if you as the honewrecking whore, even if they didn't like his ex. If there are kids involved, you are pretty much guaranteeing they will hate you and make your life miserable. You might be happy for a hot minute, but the stigma takes a toll. Trust me, I've been there.

Yep. I made damn sure everyone in our town knew he was messing with her way before I left him. She'll never get that off her back as long as her kid is going to school with my kid and my friends' kids.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a link for this statistic? I have heard these type statistics over the years, but IRL, most of the people I know who married their APs are still married (for now?)...

Maybe it is a socioeconomic thing? I'd be curious to see the breakout by economic demographic. I live in an upper-class area and these second marriages are prenuped to the hilt, but do seem to stick.

Maybe this stat includes trailer parks and lower middle class situations?

Lol.... clearly rich people are better at love, right? Google is your friend.

The reason marriages to affairs don’t work out has nothing to do with money and everything to do with the foundation of their relationship... which is based in a very selfish endorphin-driven obsession. Both people know the other is capable of lying to their spouse... not just little lies, but complex manipulation that takes serious both know that they sacrificed a lot, so the pressure for it to be worth it is high. Affairs thrive in secrecy, but once they are out in th expensive they are less exciting. Also, once they no longer have any “obstacles” to being together, it looses the lure of feeling forbidden, and they have to find something to talk about other than how awful their existing marriages were (to justify the behavior they both know is heinous).

Then... if there are kids, imagine how your type A dominant male affair partner might appear when he’s trying to parent your teenagers. Your teenagers who HATE him for what he did. Or when the older kids in the blended family tell the younger ones that their mommy is a whore who fu@ks married men. Suddenly it’s not as exciting anymore when your affair partner doesn’t correct his kids when they are messing with yours. Because he feels guilty and he knows they are right... you are a whore.

The glue that held an affair together doesn’t last in real life when you have to deal with real shit... and they fail because NEITHER OF THEM KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH ACTUAL STRESS IN MARRIAGE because they both deal with it by finding someone else to vent to about their shitty spouse. They both choose to turn away from their spouse and into the arms of another when the going gets tough.

That’s why marriages to affair partners fail. Not money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in general anyone who leaves their spouse for the affair partner is probably doing their spouse a big favor. They probably won't realize it at first, but eventually they will. They may even thank you!

This times one million. I'm so glad that woman took my ex off my hands. Now I'm with someone who makes more money, is amazing in bed, super sweet and worships me for some reason.

I didnt have kids with my ex but we both did with our second spouses. I won in the adorable kid category as well.

The fact that you are so competitive probably had a factor in the situation.

That's a no. My ex is a Narcissist- confirmed by a diagnosis. And when I married my current H he didn't have a very good job.

I wasnt perfect but I was a good wife. But thanks for being sexist and assuming that it was my fault and I deserved to be cheated on. Oh and we had sex 2-3 times a week.