Leave apouse for affair partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:once a cheater always a cheater

I know this tired line is comforting to the bitter divorcees on this board but it’s simply not always true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The stigma will follow you FOREVER, and it's is a million times worse for the female. Everyone in his family will always, always think if you as the honewrecking whore, even if they didn't like his ex. If there are kids involved, you are pretty much guaranteeing they will hate you and make your life miserable. You might be happy for a hot minute, but the stigma takes a toll. Trust me, I've been there.

Certainly true when it comes to my brother and his mistress-turned-wife. My parents tolerate her because they want a relationship with their son, and now there are grandchildren. My other brother and I want nothing to do with either of them--they both showed they're selfish, spiteful people beyond the affair. The children from my brother's first marriage, who were only 3 when he walked out, are now old enough that they've started putting the pieces together and it has done a number on their relationship with their father and last I heard they barely speak to their stepmother. Nearly every friend my brother had during that first marriage has nothing to do with him any more.

Sure hope the cost of destroying all those relationships was worth it.

Cheating affects the entire family and dynamics. When you cheat you cheat on your family as well.
In some states if there's proof it can reduce the others spouses portion of assets. Especially if they spent money on the AP it will be consider marital waste. Those funds will be reimbursed to the other spouse. If they gave their spouse a STD they have the grounds to file a personal injury case.

Too easy to wait, get divorced and get your kids adjusted. If you date don't start bringing them around unless it's very serious. Some of the people on here bragging about their AP don't care about themselves or their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:once a cheater always a cheater

I know this tired line is comforting to the bitter divorcees on this board but it’s simply not always true.

I agree, some are almost separated and happen to meet someone. And it's not been a pattern in their life.

However, for most history does repeat itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The stigma will follow you FOREVER, and it's is a million times worse for the female. Everyone in his family will always, always think if you as the honewrecking whore, even if they didn't like his ex. If there are kids involved, you are pretty much guaranteeing they will hate you and make your life miserable. You might be happy for a hot minute, but the stigma takes a toll. Trust me, I've been there.

Certainly true when it comes to my brother and his mistress-turned-wife. My parents tolerate her because they want a relationship with their son, and now there are grandchildren. My other brother and I want nothing to do with either of them--they both showed they're selfish, spiteful people beyond the affair. The children from my brother's first marriage, who were only 3 when he walked out, are now old enough that they've started putting the pieces together and it has done a number on their relationship with their father and last I heard they barely speak to their stepmother. Nearly every friend my brother had during that first marriage has nothing to do with him any more.

Sure hope the cost of destroying all those relationships was worth it.

The poor guy. I feel sorry he has such a horrible family.

[Anonymous]

Look... if you are from a family where this is common and no one bats an eye at divorce and adultery, you probably will be fine. If you are from a family that values marriage, commitment, and judges adulterers harshly, then it’s not going to be easy for you to come out as a couple. The thing with adultery is there is literally never, ever an excuse for it that can’t be countered with “end your marriage first.” Any excuse other than that is selfish, even if you try to use your kids as an excuse.... which by the way, is actually heinously selfish, trying to make them shoulder the responsibility for your decision to cheat.

Just end your marriage before opening your legs to another man. It might be expensive. People will be sad. Your kids will be upset. If those reasons are good enough to keep you from getting divorced, they are good enough to keep you from opening your legs.

[Anonymous]

FIL still happy with AP - married 25 years. First marriage was 22 years. But tore family apart and is still pretty rough. But married couple is happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look... if you are from a family where this is common and no one bats an eye at divorce and adultery, you probably will be fine. If you are from a family that values marriage, commitment, and judges adulterers harshly, then it’s not going to be easy for you to come out as a couple. The thing with adultery is there is literally never, ever an excuse for it that can’t be countered with “end your marriage first.” Any excuse other than that is selfish, even if you try to use your kids as an excuse.... which by the way, is actually heinously selfish, trying to make them shoulder the responsibility for your decision to cheat.

Just end your marriage before opening your legs to another man. It might be expensive. People will be sad. Your kids will be upset. If those reasons are good enough to keep you from getting divorced, they are good enough to keep you from opening your legs.

Well, other than that it would have been harder on the kids to leave them, even half the time, with the non-cheating spouse. I’ve ne Er cheated, but my husband yells at the kids daiily and is a narcissist. I would leave but am just exhausted managing g him and I feel it’s unfair to leave the kids with him 50/50. So, I am not really a marital partner, but don’t now what I’d do if tempted by someone I could actually see spending my life with. No plans on staying after kids go to college but do t know what’s best in the interim. Keeping legs and fingers crossed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The stigma will follow you FOREVER, and it's is a million times worse for the female. Everyone in his family will always, always think if you as the honewrecking whore, even if they didn't like his ex. If there are kids involved, you are pretty much guaranteeing they will hate you and make your life miserable. You might be happy for a hot minute, but the stigma takes a toll. Trust me, I've been there.

Certainly true when it comes to my brother and his mistress-turned-wife. My parents tolerate her because they want a relationship with their son, and now there are grandchildren. My other brother and I want nothing to do with either of them--they both showed they're selfish, spiteful people beyond the affair. The children from my brother's first marriage, who were only 3 when he walked out, are now old enough that they've started putting the pieces together and it has done a number on their relationship with their father and last I heard they barely speak to their stepmother. Nearly every friend my brother had during that first marriage has nothing to do with him any more.

Sure hope the cost of destroying all those relationships was worth it.

The poor guy. I feel sorry he has such a horrible family.

Nope he's getting what he deserved.

I only feel sorry for the kids he walked out on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look... if you are from a family where this is common and no one bats an eye at divorce and adultery, you probably will be fine. If you are from a family that values marriage, commitment, and judges adulterers harshly, then it’s not going to be easy for you to come out as a couple. The thing with adultery is there is literally never, ever an excuse for it that can’t be countered with “end your marriage first.” Any excuse other than that is selfish, even if you try to use your kids as an excuse.... which by the way, is actually heinously selfish, trying to make them shoulder the responsibility for your decision to cheat.

Just end your marriage before opening your legs to another man. It might be expensive. People will be sad. Your kids will be upset. If those reasons are good enough to keep you from getting divorced, they are good enough to keep you from opening your legs.

ITA. Just own it!
My mom left dad for her AP. They stayed married but marriage was miserable. A marriage that begins with dishonesty has little chance of being a happy one. Especially in situations where there were children that are collateral damage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My AP and I have been seeing each other off and on for alost 5 years. Even though we get slong so well and love spending time with each other we both agree we could never have a real relationship together.

Part of why we get along so well is that we don't have all the baggage that being married has. At the start of our affair I could have seen myself leaving my DH for him but realized things would never be the same with him.

We make the most of our time together and thats where it ends.

sounds ideal!

[Anonymous]

My AP of 5 years would very much like it if we were to leave our spouses for each other.

Bad idea, not going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My AP of 5 years would very much like it if we were to leave our spouses for each other.

Bad idea, not going to happen.

How did you meet your AP of 5 years? And how often to you manage to see him?

[Anonymous]

I have a close friend who is happily married to her AP but he tracks her every move on his phone, so I think he has extreme jealousy issues. She is his third wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look... if you are from a family where this is common and no one bats an eye at divorce and adultery, you probably will be fine. If you are from a family that values marriage, commitment, and judges adulterers harshly, then it’s not going to be easy for you to come out as a couple. The thing with adultery is there is literally never, ever an excuse for it that can’t be countered with “end your marriage first.” Any excuse other than that is selfish, even if you try to use your kids as an excuse.... which by the way, is actually heinously selfish, trying to make them shoulder the responsibility for your decision to cheat.

Just end your marriage before opening your legs to another man. It might be expensive. People will be sad. Your kids will be upset. If those reasons are good enough to keep you from getting divorced, they are good enough to keep you from opening your legs.

ITA. Just own it!
My mom left dad for her AP. They stayed married but marriage was miserable. A marriage that begins with dishonesty has little chance of being a happy one. Especially in situations where there were children that are collateral damage.

+1

[Anonymous]

My former sister in law left her husband for AP. He also turned out to be insanely jealous. It was not a happy marriage but neither was the first marriage.