Leave apouse for affair partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Once the kids went to College. No one knows I left for AP. They all think we began dating after the divorce.

I bet someone knows or suspects and you just don’t hear the whispering behind your back.

I am not the PP, but who cares?

I know of two people this happened with. Both of those scenarios had young kids. One remarriage is going on 15 years, the other 8. It seems that everyone is fine.

[Anonymous]

My cousin did this... we were raised together so he’s like a brother to me. He stayed with his AP for almost 5 years after leaving his wife. His AP ended up cheating on him and leaving.... after finding out my cousin had been cheating on her for years.

For what it’s worth, she never really lived down the reputation as far as his family was concerned. We all liked her and welcomed her, but no one trusted her and always questioned her honesty and integrity. Same for him, but he’s always been slutty cousin Larlo.

His ex wife continues to come to family events, is loved and welcomed, and has long since remarried to a great guy who treats her far better than my cousin ever did. Their kids have issues, but there’s no way to know what caused them, they have 3 girls. The oldest is easily 250 lbs, and the younger two are right on her heels. Their dad is obese, so it’s possible they would have picked up those habits anyway.

[Anonymous]

To the previous poster who left spouse and has been happily remarried for 14 years, why do you say not to do it?

[Anonymous]

Look at what happened to the Jolie-Pitt marriage.

Lest this be a true warning of what NOT to do.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who did this (I only found out recently that's how they got together) and she is very unhappy in her marriage.

[Anonymous]

My ex bil left his wife for a AP, it was very ugly. Two out of three kids never spoke to him again, he wasn't invited to his older son's wedding. They had just gotten their house paid off and would have had a great future. This OW got divorced and was broke and needed a new guy to scam. He took the bait.

The wife got the home, and a good portion of his retirement. He had to start over at age 50, but about 5 years later she died from some heart valve thing. He died 2 years later, wasn't taking care of himself etc. His ex meanwhile is doing well, and is enjoying her kids and grand-kids. Probably one of the worse cheating stories I've seen, but sometimes bad things do happen to bad people...

[Anonymous]

MIL is still happily married to hers 30+ years later (she never admitted he was her AP but they announced their engagement 2 months after the divorce). Of course kids, including my DH, have major issues so her happiness came at a big cost to the family.

[Anonymous]

My Dad is still happily married to his AP some 35 years later

[Anonymous]

If you’re looking for karma there won’t be any. My ex left for her AP and what they make of it is up them

[Anonymous]

Every situation I know of ended poorly. A few of the men left their wives to marry the AP and all of them ended up cheating on the AP turned wife.

[Anonymous]

Divorce rate for couples who marry as a result of infidelity have an almost 80% divorce rate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce rate for couples who marry as a result of infidelity have an almost 80% divorce rate.

Wow so that means probably the ones that stay married are probably unhappy.

One of my relatives broke up a long term marriage. They are still married, but he is miserable. As a result his kids don't see him much and moved out of state. Doubt he'll see his grand kids either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The stigma will follow you FOREVER, and it's is a million times worse for the female. Everyone in his family will always, always think if you as the honewrecking whore, even if they didn't like his ex. If there are kids involved, you are pretty much guaranteeing they will hate you and make your life miserable. You might be happy for a hot minute, but the stigma takes a toll. Trust me, I've been there.

This. Married 26 years, love my dh and he loves me but the eventual estrangement from family due to the stigma of an affair is a very real consequence. Just too much emotional damage, over and over, it will never stop.

[Anonymous]

Don’t leave “for” the AP. Leave because the marriage is broken. Take time for yourself and not for anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce rate for couples who marry as a result of infidelity have an almost 80% divorce rate.

Do you have a link for this statistic? I have heard these type statistics over the years, but IRL, most of the people I know who married their APs are still married (for now?)...

Maybe it is a socioeconomic thing? I'd be curious to see the breakout by economic demographic. I live in an upper-class area and these second marriages are prenuped to the hilt, but do seem to stick.

Maybe this stat includes trailer parks and lower middle class situations?