What do you want your kid’s NT classmates told?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My non sn daughter is also in k - my son is older - and I’m frankly surprised your daughter has picked up on this. There are several kids with iep in my kids class - I volunteer often - and they just aren’t aware yet.

Kids pick up on everything. My 4yr old knows who in his preschool class has allergies and to what, who doesn’t like loud noises and bright lights, who flaps their hands when upset. He doesn’t know if it’s a disability or really have language to discuss it - but he does include these details when he describes peers and things that are part of his day. He also knows who gets pulled out in the afternoon and why - some kids have ballet or piano and others have speech therapy. Kids talk among themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My non sn daughter is also in k - my son is older - and I’m frankly surprised your daughter has picked up on this. There are several kids with iep in my kids class - I volunteer often - and they just aren’t aware yet.

Kids pick up on everything. My 4yr old knows who in his preschool class has allergies and to what, who doesn’t like loud noises and bright lights, who flaps their hands when upset. He doesn’t know if it’s a disability or really have language to discuss it - but he does include these details when he describes peers and things that are part of his day. He also knows who gets pulled out in the afternoon and why - some kids have ballet or piano and others have speech therapy. Kids talk among themselves.

No they really don't... you are being overly dramatic. They may start to notice differences but usually it is from what they hear from adults. OP is looking for a reaction- read the posts and even the subject line to include her NT child. She has no idea how offensive she is, especially on a SN board where some of us have to deal with real issues. If she wants to help, invite the kids to the birthday parties, invite them over to play, be nice to the parents, etc. You don't teach your kid to diagnosis other kids and email their parents demanding their medical and personal information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a different parent of kids with invisible special needs, I wouldn’t take it as faux empathy. I would assume the best intentions about a difficult topic and I would explain a bit about my child’s strengths and struggles and hope that you could help your child understand and be kind to mine.

In our experience, some parents are just gossips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a person with Tourettes Syndrome, I was very pro-disclosure. I was lucky enough to grow up in a supportive community and I found that even now giving the facts helps take the air out of anyone's snottiness, particularly if my tics are disrupting a situation. I would echo those who have suggested reaching out to the teacher/parents if possible to figure out what language they've been using with their child. I also think that thinking about strengths and weakness is helpful (though I'm not afraid of the word disability) as it helps NT kids as well as non NT kids to put themselves in context and think about how they can best learn and grow.

As the parent of a child with an "invisible" special need I would be put out by someone "reaching out" in in faux empathy. Seriously would you really ask a parent that? What kind of "language" do you use to describe your child's challenges? You seem to be lacking basic social skills.

OP again: I certainly wouldn’t do this re Larlo, since I wouldn’t recognize him to look at him and have never met his parents, but I definitely did it for her dyslexic friend whose mom is my friend. Just a simple “hey, Kid was saying she wanted to help Friend learn to read, I told her that’s not really her job and that Friend’s mom and dad are on top of helping Friend in the ways that work well for Friend, is there anything you’d like me to say differently or add to that?” Or if she had a friend with Tourettes I’d definitely ask the parents if there was a particular way they wanted me to explain it to her on the theory that whatever I say is likely to be parroted to the friend. But this is for kids who are her friends and whose parents I know. When she asks me about other people, I usually explain that everyone is different, including every body and every brain, and it’s not polite to speculate or to discuss strangers’ bodies.

If a parent is a friend and discloses their child's needs to you it's perfectly acceptable and kind to ask them questions. I have no objections to anything you've said, OP, and think you sound like a thoughtful and considerate person. I was shocked by the person with Tourettes advising you to reach out to the teacher/parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a different parent of kids with invisible special needs, I wouldn’t take it as faux empathy. I would assume the best intentions about a difficult topic and I would explain a bit about my child’s strengths and struggles and hope that you could help your child understand and be kind to mine.

In our experience, some parents are just gossips.

Yes, it's true. When my child was having some challenges, a few parents asked me a lot of questions. I thought they were being nice, but they were just going around the school telling everyone what I told them. Never again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My non sn daughter is also in k - my son is older - and I’m frankly surprised your daughter has picked up on this. There are several kids with iep in my kids class - I volunteer often - and they just aren’t aware yet.

Kids pick up on everything. My 4yr old knows who in his preschool class has allergies and to what, who doesn’t like loud noises and bright lights, who flaps their hands when upset. He doesn’t know if it’s a disability or really have language to discuss it - but he does include these details when he describes peers and things that are part of his day. He also knows who gets pulled out in the afternoon and why - some kids have ballet or piano and others have speech therapy. Kids talk among themselves.

No they really don't... you are being overly dramatic. They may start to notice differences but usually it is from what they hear from adults. OP is looking for a reaction- read the posts and even the subject line to include her NT child. She has no idea how offensive she is, especially on a SN board where some of us have to deal with real issues. If she wants to help, invite the kids to the birthday parties, invite them over to play, be nice to the parents, etc. You don't teach your kid to diagnosis other kids and email their parents demanding their medical and personal information.

She's not doing this. Others are advocating, stupidly, that she do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so hesitant to say that he has a disability? It’s not shameful. Please use the word and talk to her about all kinds of disabilities. Parents who avoid this are really annoying — like parents who pretend we are all the same race.

X1000

[Anonymous]

She doesn't know if the child has a disability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an NT kid in 1st and a classmate of his has ASD. The parents came in and did a presentation about it so all the kids were aware of why there were (obvious) differences. It was fantastic. It stopped any speculating between the kids themselves, as well as the parents. The kids learned a lot specifically about ASD and they also learned a bit more about flexibility and tolerance to differences generally. So, yes, in this case, the parents of the ASD child did an awesome job.

I have a 4th grader who has dyslexia with many of the bells and whistles. As he gets older, those bells and whistles are becoming more noticeable. It's all relatively benign stuff but he can't tie his shoe laces or sign his name legibly, he doesn't know left/right, has a hard time following directions in a sequence, has a hard time with days of week/months of year, etc. He's fairly upfront about telling his classmates why its harder for him to do x, y, or z. I do tell his coaches because when they're shouting directions like "turn left" or "reach with your right hand,"it would be easier and faster for everyone if they yelled "Larlo, turn toward the trees" or "use the hand that's closer to me."

Your description of your dyslexic child is identical to mine. Add that I had to put a rubber band on the bathtub faucet because he could not get that the hot water is on the left faucet, but kiddos to him for saying can I put a rubber band on it!!! His way of making it work for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't know if the child has a disability.

She hasn't met the child and wants to diagnose and tell her child what the other child has so that child can share it and embarrass the child with SN. That is the issue.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think she is doing it to embarass the other child although that might happen. I think she is having a hard time looking at this from other parent’s or the other child’s POV. Benefit of the doubt: she may be trying. Not to say that the experiences of other posters are not valid. Mine with other parents are along similar lines. I do not discuss my kid’s SN with other parents because my kid and I have been burned one too many times as a result. I am very careful and have found a few good folks along the way.

OP, what I would want your kid to know: People are different and we should all try to see what we have in common and even appreciate the diversity when we are different. My kid sees the differences and doesn’t mind too much when another kid is different. But if your kid can’t handle that, esp when he hits MS and the rubber meets the road socially, then I would tell him to just stay away from my kid. If you can’t be friends, fine. Just don’t be a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Very tricky line. We have been the recipient of other children treating my son differently after the parents helped explain the issue to their kids. It did not truly help and all it did was socially isolate. I tested it on my toddler and when i tell him his brother gets upset at loud noises, when mad, will do it more. I agree with others it could lead to social bullying.

[Anonymous]

I work with SPED kids of all kinds who are in regular classrooms with NT kids. It is considered a breach of confidentiality to go into any detail with another child or parent about the specifics of a students challenges. I do, however, have discussions with kids, usually started by them, about why a student might be behaving a certain way. I typically say something like "Larlo sometimes has trouble controlling his body when he is very angry (or upset, or frustrated, or tired, etc.) but don't worry, he is learning ways to manage that better" or something along those lines. I might say that as a friend you can help by being patient and kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don’t think she is doing it to embarass the other child although that might happen. I think she is having a hard time looking at this from other parent’s or the other child’s POV. Benefit of the doubt: she may be trying. Not to say that the experiences of other posters are not valid. Mine with other parents are along similar lines. I do not discuss my kid’s SN with other parents because my kid and I have been burned one too many times as a result. I am very careful and have found a few good folks along the way.

OP, what I would want your kid to know: People are different and we should all try to see what we have in common and even appreciate the diversity when we are different. My kid sees the differences and doesn’t mind too much when another kid is different. But if your kid can’t handle that, esp when he hits MS and the rubber meets the road socially, then I would tell him to just stay away from my kid. If you can’t be friends, fine. Just don’t be a jerk.

No, trying would be inviting the kid/parent out to do something special together or inviting them to their house or even birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don’t think she is doing it to embarass the other child although that might happen. I think she is having a hard time looking at this from other parent’s or the other child’s POV. Benefit of the doubt: she may be trying. Not to say that the experiences of other posters are not valid. Mine with other parents are along similar lines. I do not discuss my kid’s SN with other parents because my kid and I have been burned one too many times as a result. I am very careful and have found a few good folks along the way.

OP, what I would want your kid to know: People are different and we should all try to see what we have in common and even appreciate the diversity when we are different. My kid sees the differences and doesn’t mind too much when another kid is different. But if your kid can’t handle that, esp when he hits MS and the rubber meets the road socially, then I would tell him to just stay away from my kid. If you can’t be friends, fine. Just don’t be a jerk.

No, trying would be inviting the kid/parent out to do something special together or inviting them to their house or even birthday party.

No, trying starts with trying to understand where the other person is coming from and that is what I see OP doing. An all-class birthday party would be great but I expect my child to be invited to playdates because the kids are friends, not because he has SN. Doesn’t sound like the are particular friends at the moment in this situation.