What to do about DH’s late nights out

[Anonymous]

How's the sex life?

[Anonymous]

You're 30. My guess is almost none of his friends are married and none have kids. My opinion is the average 30 year old guy wants to go out and have drinks with his friends on a regular basis. That's what I was doing at that age. (I'm a woman.)

Where are your friends? Why are you sitting home waiting for him to call or text or come home?

[Anonymous]

Since you said it is only2-4 nights per month I don't see the concern with him going on boys night out at all. However, coming home drunk every time is a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t sound like he loves you. Even when my dh and I were dink’s we spent a ton of time together. And yes we still got out and saw our friends separately from each other. Your dh sounds immature and like he doesn’t actually care about you. Don’t have a kid with him.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t sound like he loves you. Even when my dh and I were dink’s we spent a ton of time together. And yes we still got out and saw our friends separately from each other. Your dh sounds immature and like he doesn’t actually care about you. Don’t have a kid with him.

I agree.

I don't think that's necessarily true. OP, try the date night suggestion. Also, think about why you are home alone. . .. do you need to recharge after being at work, or would you like to go out as well? Is your DH an extrovert and are you an introvert?

[Anonymous]

This sounds like an extravert/introvert thing, to me. He likes to be out socializing and you want to be home nesting with your mate.

I think a relationship can withstand some difference as far as that goes - it's good if the extraverted partner can get the introvert to socialize sometimes, for example. But it sounds like you two are at an extreme. I think you both need to figure out if you can come to some middle ground that works for you both. If he refuses even to acknowledge how this is making you feel, that's not a great sign.

Sorry, OP - hope you can make this work.

[Anonymous]

I’m in the same boat! Ha that’s why I’m trolling this forum. Except we have two kids now and while I will check him hard enough where he’ll stop for a while he needs zero convincing to stay out till 2 with his friends. It’s really shady and for all those posters who say lighten up, I really wonder if you’ve had to sort through the exaggerations, the lies, the hangovers, and the excuses? Part of me says he makes the bed, he has to lie in it, part of me says after midnight I will be dialing your a$$ until you answer and really come home.
It sucks and will never change, because of kids or even if his friends settle down then you have the ones who pop back up because they’re divorcing.

[Anonymous]

So let me see if I can summarize.

DH works from 2PM - 1030PM and comes home every night with the exception of 2/4 times a month when he comes home later (2AM) after being with co-workers/friends.

You don't suspect an affair.

You don't have children.

You have a problem with this because you're "waiting up for him" and "want to spend time with him".

HE WORKS AND SPENDS ALL HIS TIME WITH YOU WITH THE EXCEPTION OF A FEW HOURS A MONTH WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS!!!!!!

And there are posters saying he doesn't love you.

You people really have no give when it comes to relationships and what you feel is "right". I'm a woman and see absolutely nothing wrong in this scenario except for OPs neediness and need to control her DHs actions simply for no other reason than she doesn't have a life of her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What time does he go into work? He works until 10:30?!? Is this a busy season for him? Has he always worked this late? I don’t understand when a spouse is asking for a little more attention, the other spouse gets mad. That’s a huge red flag to me.

NP and I agree with this. If something is wrong you should be able to express your feelings to your spouse - without being reprimanded. The fact that op’s DH gets angry bothers me because this does nothing to solve the problem. I think he is being a dick for responding this way. And coming home drunk at 2 a.m. on the regular? Kids or no kids this sounds like young single guy behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t sound like he loves you. Even when my dh and I were dink’s we spent a ton of time together. And yes we still got out and saw our friends separately from each other. Your dh sounds immature and like he doesn’t actually care about you. Don’t have a kid with him.

I agree.

Oh please. Someone can love you without having to be attached to your hip. You all sound like a bunch of codependent losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So let me see if I can summarize.

DH works from 2PM - 1030PM and comes home every night with the exception of 2/4 times a month when he comes home later (2AM) after being with co-workers/friends.

You don't suspect an affair.

You don't have children.

You have a problem with this because you're "waiting up for him" and "want to spend time with him".

HE WORKS AND SPENDS ALL HIS TIME WITH YOU WITH THE EXCEPTION OF A FEW HOURS A MONTH WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS!!!!!!

And there are posters saying he doesn't love you.

You people really have no give when it comes to relationships and what you feel is "right". I'm a woman and see absolutely nothing wrong in this scenario except for OPs neediness and need to control her DHs actions simply for no other reason than she doesn't have a life of her own.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in the same boat! Ha that’s why I’m trolling this forum. Except we have two kids now and while I will check him hard enough where he’ll stop for a while he needs zero convincing to stay out till 2 with his friends. It’s really shady and for all those posters who say lighten up, I really wonder if you’ve had to sort through the exaggerations, the lies, the hangovers, and the excuses? Part of me says he makes the bed, he has to lie in it, part of me says after midnight I will be dialing your a$$ until you answer and really come home.
It sucks and will never change, because of kids or even if his friends settle down then you have the ones who pop back up because they’re divorcing.

Umm... This makes your situation NOTHING like OPs. Going out with friends and staying out late drinking is fine when you don’t have children. Each spouse should go out and spend time with friends, work out, have hobbies, etc. That’s why people are defending OPs husband.

After you have kids it’s an asshole move to stay out late hanging out with friends. Family responsibilities come first and you need to devote time to take care of the kids. Next comes taking care of each other. Each spouse should get a similar amount of leisure time. There is no way that you can keep going to happy hours multiple times a week. Most weeks your leisure time will barely be enough to get in some workouts.

OPs husband’s behavior is reasonable. Your husband’s behavior is NOT.

[Anonymous]

Your DH is still young. He will get tired of going out drinking probably in his 40’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So let me see if I can summarize.

DH works from 2PM - 1030PM and comes home every night with the exception of 2/4 times a month when he comes home later (2AM) after being with co-workers/friends.

You don't suspect an affair.

You don't have children.

You have a problem with this because you're "waiting up for him" and "want to spend time with him".

HE WORKS AND SPENDS ALL HIS TIME WITH YOU WITH THE EXCEPTION OF A FEW HOURS A MONTH WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS!!!!!!

And there are posters saying he doesn't love you.

You people really have no give when it comes to relationships and what you feel is "right". I'm a woman and see absolutely nothing wrong in this scenario except for OPs neediness and need to control her DHs actions simply for no other reason than she doesn't have a life of her own.

+10000

Another +1000 from another woman. I don't see the problem. OP seems needy and codependent and like she doesn't have enough going on in her own life. Waiting up? That's ridiculous, why would you do that? I also don't have kids and you had better believe I am out and about with friends when I'm not working. We are not codependent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in the same boat! Ha that’s why I’m trolling this forum. Except we have two kids now and while I will check him hard enough where he’ll stop for a while he needs zero convincing to stay out till 2 with his friends. It’s really shady and for all those posters who say lighten up, I really wonder if you’ve had to sort through the exaggerations, the lies, the hangovers, and the excuses? Part of me says he makes the bed, he has to lie in it, part of me says after midnight I will be dialing your a$$ until you answer and really come home.
It sucks and will never change, because of kids or even if his friends settle down then you have the ones who pop back up because they’re divorcing.

Umm... This makes your situation NOTHING like OPs. Going out with friends and staying out late drinking is fine when you don’t have children. Each spouse should go out and spend time with friends, work out, have hobbies, etc. That’s why people are defending OPs husband.

After you have kids it’s an asshole move to stay out late hanging out with friends. Family responsibilities come first and you need to devote time to take care of the kids. Next comes taking care of each other. Each spouse should get a similar amount of leisure time. There is no way that you can keep going to happy hours multiple times a week. Most weeks your leisure time will barely be enough to get in some workouts.

OPs husband’s behavior is reasonable. Your husband’s behavior is NOT.

My point is no amount of kids or “responsibilities” are going to change OP’s husband much.