Tips for first meeting
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Anonymous
| OP, you are delusional. It doesn’t matter if your new GF is Mary Poppins or Maria Von Trapping or the girlfriend equivalent of Mother Theresa. Your priority needs to be your DD, and introducing her to your GF this soon after the separation will do IRREPERABLE HARM to her. She needs a dad to be 100% focused on her as a priority right now. She is reeling from her family splitting up. Meeting your new gf will only make things much harder for her. Do not do this. |
Anonymous
| As I said, I will take all the points on board. |
Anonymous
|
OP, you sound like a nice man and a good father. You remind me a lot of my own father, who was deeply hurt by his divorce from my mother and introduced me to his new "friend" at Christmas less than a year after their separation/divorce. He did this with the best of intentions, because he wanted to feel that I was okay and that we could move on as a different family unit. Although he meant well, it was too much change too soon and it damaged our relationship in ways I don't think he realized, because I wanted to protect him and I was afraid to say that this situation was upsetting to me.
I really think you should wait a bit longer to introduce your daughter to your girlfriend and definitely not do it at Christmas; part of what made it hard for me was trying to figure out a dynamic with a new person at a time of year when dealing with a changing family structure is already hard. The first Christmas after your separation is basically the worst time I could think of to introduce your daughter to your new girlfriend. Have a nice Christmas with your daughter, establish some new traditions on your own, and have a get together with your girlfriend in a few months. I guarantee you it is worth the wait. I think it is nice that you send your girlfriend text updates and photos of your daughter, don't listen to the crazies commenting on that! |
Anonymous
|
As a child of multiple divorces, maybe it will help to give you my memories of meeting my mom's new boyfriend when I was a tween. Looking back, no one said anything wrong and the guy was very nice. But that's not the issue.
I knew she had been seeing a friend. It was super uncomfortable because regardless of what I thought of the guy, seeing my mom trying to please both of us, and seeing her be all flirty was really unsettling. She was acting differently (as we all do when we are dating someone) than she had when she was with me or with my dad. WORSE, as he spoke it was clear to me that she had been telling him all sorts of information about me. Today, as an adult, I understand why, but at the time if felt incredibly invasive. During that meeting I felt like my world shifted again and the person I knew was unstable because they were acting like I had never seen them act before. It would have been much much better if she had waited another year, if there had just been a small encounter first and not a whole dinner and event planned. It would have been better if they had waited until their relationship was much more solidified so there wasn't all that eager-to-please attitude which made me feel second class and insecure. |
Anonymous
|
Thanks all.
Thank you as well for the comments about the photos. I trust my partner and she will soon be a big part of my daughters life so this is a way for her to get to know my DD. I know people struggle to believe it but I am over my ex an ready for the next chapter. Christmas will be a happy time and next years will be even better. |
Anonymous
It is not about what YOU are ready for! It is about what your DAUGHTER is ready for. And this is too soon for a child to meet ANYONE. Period. Does not matter how much you love and trust your new girlfriend. It is still too soon. And how good a judge of character are you really? |
Anonymous
| What do you mean about me not being a good judge of character? |
Anonymous
| OP: I think it’s too soon unless you have a way she can meet her where it’s really not obvious who she is (big holiday party or get together with group of friends). That said, I met my dad’s affair partner (and her kids) like a month after my parents separated... and I wasn’t traumatized. I was also 7. My dad married her a few years later; they’re still together 25+ years later. All is fine. |
Anonymous
You picked your ex wife, right? |
Anonymous
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OP, you asked for advice but it is clear you don't want any. You are going to do whatever you want to do, even when literally dozens of people who have more experience with this are unanimously telling you to slow your roll.
It's clear this is actually all about you and what you want and that you don't care what anyone thinks or how it will impact your daughter. You actually sound like an insufferable selfish mansplainer. If your girlfriend is ok with meeting your daughter at this point, she's not right for your daughter. Fact. |
Anonymous
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Let’s see we have someone accusing the new GF of selling a girls pictures online and that somehow OP’s ex’s affair was somehow his fault.
the poster that accused the new GF of selling pictures shouldn’t have ANY social media presence. And the daughter is at more risk from the ex’s new boyfriend than OP’s new girlfriend. |
Anonymous
| I agree that longer time before meeting is better but I think it will probably be fine. Could be harder on a preteen than a younger kid, too. Good luck, op. |
Anonymous
| Decided they will meet on Thursday. I know they will get on great and she already loves my dd from what she has seen. My dd is sociable and friendly and I know her best. I am confident this will work out well |
Anonymous
You have not mentioned how your daughter is handling the separation. You also might as well be honest and say she's your girlfriend. A seven year old will see right through the whole "friend" thing. |
Anonymous
| My daughter is handling it very well. She has a lot of support from family and I have an amazing nanny who adores dd and has been so supportive of me and dd |