Tips for first meeting
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Anonymous
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I separated in April and met an amazing woman in August and we have fallen in love.
I am taking my 7 year old DD to meet her over Christmas. (I am calling her a friend at the moment). Any tips for how to let this run smoothly or any other advice? She already feels like she knows my CD as I am always sending photos and updates on her but really want it to go well. |
Anonymous
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Don't. You haven't even been separated for a year. It is going to be too much too soon for your child. She may pretend to be okay with it, but you are placing her in a difficult and stressful situation. Seven is old enough to know this is more than a "friend". Be a good parent and wait.
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Anonymous
| Finalize your divorce first. |
Anonymous
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Spare your daughter the burden of meeting your rebound fling. She's going through enough already.
And don't engage in wishful thinking that she likes your girlfriend and wants you to be happy. She'll say what you want to hear because she's afraid. But no child wants to meet a new girlfriend when the ink isn't dry on the divorce. Give it a year from the separation, minimum. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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As someone who divorced and then got married a second time and blended two families together, I say don't take your daughter to meet your girlfriend of FOUR MONTHS.
It's been FOUR MONTHS. But you are an idiot, so you will ignore that everyone here is giving you the same advice. So when you take your daughter to meet the woman you've been dating for a THIRD OF A YEAR, do not engage in ANY PDA with the girlfriend. Do not kiss her, don't hold her hand, don't touch her leg or back, don't touch at all. And btw, you are totally wrong to always be sending your girlfriend pictures of your daughter. It's a shame you can't put your daughter before your girlfriend. |
Anonymous
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Waaaaay to early.
Finalize your divorce. Wait another six months minimum. Then introduce. |
Anonymous
| Agree with all the above. |
Anonymous
| You realize you are still married and are cheating. |
Anonymous
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My wife cheated on me so I don't appreciate these comments.
When we do meet, there will certainly be no PDAS. I just want them to meet and get to know each other as she will be a big part of my daughters life soon. Can I ask why I am wrong to be sending my girlfriend photos of my daughter? Genuine question, I don't understand why this is wrong. The idea is for her to get to know my DD from a distance. |
Anonymous
Because it will really give your daughter the creeps when she finds out that a "friend" knows all about her without her knowing anything about the "friend". You can't have it both ways. |
Anonymous
Oh dear god. No, no, no. You do not bring in a new adult that you have only known for a few months. You aren't even divorced yet! She should not be a big part of your daughter's life anytime soon. You are doing this all wrong. Try focusing on what is best for the child, rather than what is best for you and your rebound chick. |
Anonymous
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Don't. You are telling yourself it's for her but it's not. It's for your love story with the new gf. You aren't bad. You are blinded by hormones. Just don't. And since you will probably ignore everyone, just don't do it in any way related to Christmas. Don't allow that association. Choose a non-descript day in February.
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Anonymous
Hilarious, but also deeply sad that you think a rebound will be a “big part” of your daughter’s life in any healthy way. All three adults are really screwing over your poor DD. She needs a therapist now. |
Anonymous
This. It's bad and inappropriate for a child to experience so much change in the space of 8 months. Meeting a new partner is a BIG deal to a child. It's an extremely stressful thing to put them through, even if the adults try to downplay it, and at 7 years old she will see right through your "friend" fakery. She may try to tell you what you want to hear, because she's afraid for her relationship with you. And you'll probably be tempted to believe her because it's what you want to hear. But this isn't a good thing to put her through. You need to find your footing as a single parent and settle into a new normal before you up-end her little life again. She doesn't love this person and it does not benefit her in any way to be forced to play Instant Family. God only knows what kind of stress she's being forced to undergo on her mother's side. Be the stable parent and don't be selfish. This meeting would benefit the adults but not the child and that is wrong. Why don't you at least give it a few more months to make sure this relationship is going to last. |