Girlfriend Said She Doesn’t..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Six months? Are you insane? Believe me, you don't even know her yet and you won't for a few years. She is the smart one in this relationship.

And you get to know the other person while living together. That’s the point, if you’re being exclusive but not ready to pull the trigger on engagement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re operating under a bit of a misconception that all 31 yo women are desperate to get married. Even with an awareness of fertility considerations, a smart 31 yo isn’t going to rush into marriage just for the sake of babies. And wouldn’t you rather marry a smart person than a desperate one?

Smart people don’t get married. You can have all it all and not get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not desperate. I was the one afraid to settle down in past relationships, but I’m ready for marriage/kids. I know she’s the one for me...I don’t see a reason to wait. We both want marriage/kids. I’m a strong believer in living together before marriage. I’m not going to propose now, but I want to do it before her timeline. She wants to wait at least a year, have a year engagement, and then another 2-3 years before kids. I just want a wife and kids before that. I can wait on the marriage, but waiting 4-5 years for kids is not something I want. I’m not sure what to do, but breaking up might happen.

It's normal to want to spend time with your spouse before having kids. Once the kids come, you won't be able to enjoy your spouse or relationship in the same way. Raising children is hard and it's even harder if your relationship doesn't have a solid foundation. Generally speaking, a 5 year timeline from dating to marriage to kids is very reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Didn't you post this same question a month or so ago?

[Anonymous]

She's shopping for a better deal, dummy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not desperate. I was the one afraid to settle down in past relationships, but I’m ready for marriage/kids. I know she’s the one for me...I don’t see a reason to wait. We both want marriage/kids. I’m a strong believer in living together before marriage. I’m not going to propose now, but I want to do it before her timeline. She wants to wait at least a year, have a year engagement, and then another 2-3 years before kids. I just want a wife and kids before that. I can wait on the marriage, but waiting 4-5 years for kids is not something I want. I’m not sure what to do, but breaking up might happen.

So your desire to get married isn’t so much about her as about you wanting marriage/kids for yourself and her being the person in front of you at the moment.

+1 She's trying to figure out if you're the right guy and you're looking at it like "this one works. Let's get started on my plan."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not desperate. I was the one afraid to settle down in past relationships, but I’m ready for marriage/kids. I know she’s the one for me...I don’t see a reason to wait. We both want marriage/kids. I’m a strong believer in living together before marriage.I’m not going to propose now, but I want to do it before her timeline. She wants to wait at least a year, have a year engagement, and then another 2-3 years before kids. I just want a wife and kids before that. I can wait on the marriage, but waiting 4-5 years for kids is not something I want. I’m not sure what to do, but breaking up might happen.

Do you know why she wants to wait 2-3 years of marriage before having kids? I thought that way at first,but it was more of it being an ideal than feeling strongly we needed 2-3 years of marriage before kids or not feeling ready for kids. I ended up moving up that timeline to trying after we were married a year and going on a big overseas vacation before we started trying.

As for potentially breaking up, I’m not sure most women at 31 would be on a much faster timeline than your girlfriend other than shaving a year or two off how long married before trying to have kids. It could take a year to find someone else so you would still be 39 or 40 before having kids. That said, if this points to a deeper issue that she isn’t sure about kids or isn’t flexible about things in general, she may not be the one for you.

Nothing mentioned about her career. That might account for her timeline.