Girlfriend Said She Doesn’t..
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Anonymous
| My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 6 months. I’m confident she is the one. I’ve asked her to move in with me, which she replied she doesn’t want to move in until engaged, but also doesn’t want to get engaged yet. She wants those things, but doesn’t see a reason to rush. She’s fine dating for 2-3 years before getting engaged, but I’m ready to make a more serious commitment. She’s 31 and I’m 35. I’m not asking to be married tomorrow, but given her age, I thought she would be jumping to get engaged like most women her age. I’m not going to leave, but I also don’t want to wait another 5 years before I get married. We both love kids and want at least 2. I was hoping that would be happening within the next 2-3 years. |
Anonymous
| She doesn’t want anything more from you than you’re currently doing. Try again in a couple months. |
Anonymous
| Have you told her those things? |
Anonymous
| It might be helpful to separate out the moving in together issue and the engagement issue. Is it important to you to live together before getting engaged and this is going to be a sticking point for you if she doesn’t want to live together first? And leaving aide the issue of whether to move in together or get engaged first, what timeline had you envisioning for getting engaged and then married? |
Anonymous
|
She may have been hurt in the past and may be proceeding w/extra caution here.
If she is worth the wait, then please be patient. |
Anonymous
| This is kinda solvable; wait until you’re together for 1.5 years, get engaged, she moves in, have the wedding 6-9 months later. This is a compromise timetable that in theory works for both of you. |
Anonymous
| I think you’re operating under a bit of a misconception that all 31 yo women are desperate to get married. Even with an awareness of fertility considerations, a smart 31 yo isn’t going to rush into marriage just for the sake of babies. And wouldn’t you rather marry a smart person than a desperate one? |
Anonymous
| Six months is very fast to be moving in and proposing. Seems to me you’re an older guy trying to lock her down, but she sees through your game. If marriage and kids were so important to you, you should have been seriously looking 5 years ago. |
Anonymous
There is somewhere between 6 months and 5 years. At that age, fast track but not super quick is waiting about a year or so to get engaged and having an an engagement between a few months and a year. So at 25, I would say most of us were 3.5-4 years from dating to marriage and my friends that are older it is more like 2 to 2.5 years. People are different but I know I would not feel confident I was ready to marry someone after 6 months and I also would not want to live together unless we were engaged. I would just need more time to date to see if we were really compatible. |
Anonymous
| You seem desperate. |
Anonymous
| 6 months in is early for her to commit for life. Have this conversation again in 6 months and she may feel differently about the timeline. |
Anonymous
+1. You look hungry, you go hungry. And don't pull this "let's move in together" bullshit. If you're convinced she's the one, do it right. Propose at St Valentine's Day with a proper ring, get married in September, then move in together as husband and wife. |
Anonymous
This is terrible advice. If she tells you she’s not ready to get engaged yet and would be fine waiting 2-3 years to get engaged, springing a proposal on her in three months is a terrible idea unless she tells you in the meantime that she’s changed her mind. |
Anonymous
Yes. I’m the “you seem desperate” PP, and I wasn’t suggesting that you propose! Quite the contrary—back way, way off. Slow your roll. |
Anonymous
| Six months is SO early. My DH wanted to get engaged and married at 6 months. I compromise on getting married at 18 months. At around 24-30 months, once the hormones wore off, we realized we aren’t compatible at all |