Girlfriend Said She Doesn’t..

[Anonymous]

If she's worth it the timeline won't matter to you. Be patient and give her space.

Don't ruin a current good thing trying to shape the future. You will miss out on the great while searching for the perfect.

[Anonymous]

The advice I give to every young man is: DO NOT MARRY. The only exception is if you are a loser and/or unemployable. Then by all means marry and sponge off someone else as long as you can.

[Anonymous]

I think you have posted about this girlfriend before. Op she’s not the one. End it now or face greater heartache in the future when she ends it.

[Anonymous]

Wanting to move in together at 6 months doesn't seem desperate on its own (a little reckless, but not necessarily desperate), but jumping straight to "I don't want to wait five years to get engaged/I want kids/ why aren't you desperate for a commitment like I thought you'd be" when she says she's not ready yet does. Back off OP.

[Anonymous]

My DH told me he knew I was the one after like 3 months. He said he didn't say anything because he didn't want to scare me away. We were about OP's age. Though we didn't move in together, we did stay at each other's places for several days at a time, but we did keep our own apartments. After dating for about 1.5 years, we bought a house together and got engaged. Married 17 years now, two kids.

OP - have you talked to her about having kids? If she does want them, when does she think she'll have them because unfortunately, there's a biological clock ticking. I had mine at 34/37, so it's not like she must have kids in the next year, but time is ticking by.

[Anonymous]

OP, women despise needy men. Take your foot off the gas.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m not desperate. I was the one afraid to settle down in past relationships, but I’m ready for marriage/kids. I know she’s the one for me...I don’t see a reason to wait. We both want marriage/kids. I’m a strong believer in living together before marriage. I’m not going to propose now, but I want to do it before her timeline. She wants to wait at least a year, have a year engagement, and then another 2-3 years before kids. I just want a wife and kids before that. I can wait on the marriage, but waiting 4-5 years for kids is not something I want. I’m not sure what to do, but breaking up might happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem desperate.

+1. You look hungry, you go hungry.

And don't pull this "let's move in together" bullshit. If you're convinced she's the one, do it right. Propose at St Valentine's Day with a proper ring, get married in September, then move in together as husband and wife.

Horrible advice. What problem are you trying to solve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not desperate. I was the one afraid to settle down in past relationships, but I’m ready for marriage/kids. I know she’s the one for me...I don’t see a reason to wait. We both want marriage/kids. I’m a strong believer in living together before marriage.I’m not going to propose now, but I want to do it before her timeline. She wants to wait at least a year, have a year engagement, and then another 2-3 years before kids. I just want a wife and kids before that. I can wait on the marriage, but waiting 4-5 years for kids is not something I want. I’m not sure what to do, but breaking up might happen.

Do you know why she wants to wait 2-3 years of marriage before having kids? I thought that way at first,but it was more of it being an ideal than feeling strongly we needed 2-3 years of marriage before kids or not feeling ready for kids. I ended up moving up that timeline to trying after we were married a year and going on a big overseas vacation before we started trying.

As for potentially breaking up, I’m not sure most women at 31 would be on a much faster timeline than your girlfriend other than shaving a year or two off how long married before trying to have kids. It could take a year to find someone else so you would still be 39 or 40 before having kids. That said, if this points to a deeper issue that she isn’t sure about kids or isn’t flexible about things in general, she may not be the one for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The advice I give to every young man is: DO NOT MARRY. The only exception is if you are a loser and/or unemployable. Then by all means marry and sponge off someone else as long as you can.

Hahaha. Same goes for any woman worth her salt: do not marry.
Marriage seems like a handoff from a mommy to wifey. No matter how many years he did the simpleton Bachelor life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The advice I give to every young man is: DO NOT MARRY. The only exception is if you are a loser and/or unemployable. Then by all means marry and sponge off someone else as long as you can.

This sounds like sound advice from a totally well balanced & rational person.

Don't be bitter & resentful like this person, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not desperate. I was the one afraid to settle down in past relationships, but I’m ready for marriage/kids. I know she’s the one for me...I don’t see a reason to wait. We both want marriage/kids. I’m a strong believer in living together before marriage. I’m not going to propose now, but I want to do it before her timeline. She wants to wait at least a year, have a year engagement, and then another 2-3 years before kids. I just want a wife and kids before that. I can wait on the marriage, but waiting 4-5 years for kids is not something I want. I’m not sure what to do, but breaking up might happen.

So your desire to get married isn’t so much about her as about you wanting marriage/kids for yourself and her being the person in front of you at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you should break up then. You aren't willing to wait.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't want to marry you, OP. She doesn't have the nerve to break up with you and this is her way of doing it.

If she were in love with you, she would want all the things you discuss, or the two of you would be making a plan together.

[Anonymous]

Six months? Are you insane? Believe me, you don't even know her yet and you won't for a few years. She is the smart one in this relationship.