sigh...falling in love with non-Christian

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does this man have another religion or is he simply not religious?

I dated a few guys who were not religious (agnostic would be the best term for them) and they eventually did become Christian as far as I can tell.

If the guy actively practices another religion that would be different. I guess the question is can you be together with a person who has different religious beliefs than you do. Only you can answer that.

I think he is non-religious, at best culturally Christian (Easter/Christmas church attendance only, for example), not submissive to the Lordship of Christ

If he has dissimilar moral values then that would be a difficult thing to overcome. Can you give some examples of how he is not submissive to the Lordship of Christ?

Very moral, very "good" in the eyes of the world person, very kind, responsible. Truth is, even if the world loves you, we have all fallen short in the eyes of God, have committed sins, ones secret, one known to others. We need to rely on saving power of Christ to save us and fellowship with God. There isn't evidence that he belives this, and, he doesn't go to church, has not made a profession of faith or been baptized.

If he attended church with you and got formally baptized would that improve your impression of him?

yep!

Then maybe suggest that he attend a Christmas performance at your church, introduce him to a few people and if that goes well maybe he might find that attending church with you is worthwhile?

If not, then you could continue to enjoy his friendship.

good thoughts and ideas, thank you!! proactive, but realistic and uncompromising

and also merciful, I don't need to treat him like a pariah if things don't work like as I would hope (and I am not going to have false hope that they would, God decides who to save), of course we still can remain friends!

He is your friend and you love him. That is a gift from God .

[Anonymous]

This site is probably the wrong one to ask about this on. No- I don't think this relationship is going to work.
I was in your shoes 15 or so years ago- often attracted to guys who were not believers, and kept on thinking 'is this really a deal breaker.'
Yes- it is. Now that I am married (to a believing husband) with kids- I can't imagine what my marriage would be if we didn't share a faith. It informs the life choices that we make as a couple. It informs how we spend our time and money.
I have friends who have married non-believers with agreements about taking kids to church etc. It is a constant struggle because they are fundamentally not on the same page about their life choices, even though they have 'agreements' about raising kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This site is probably the wrong one to ask about this on. No- I don't think this relationship is going to work.
I was in your shoes 15 or so years ago- often attracted to guys who were not believers, and kept on thinking 'is this really a deal breaker.'
Yes- it is. Now that I am married (to a believing husband) with kids- I can't imagine what my marriage would be if we didn't share a faith. It informs the life choices that we make as a couple. It informs how we spend our time and money.
I have friends who have married non-believers with agreements about taking kids to church etc. It is a constant struggle because they are fundamentally not on the same page about their life choices, even though they have 'agreements' about raising kids.

+1 it’s not going to work. Coming from the other side as a non believer your discussion and attempts on how to get him to church and see whether it takes are highly annoying to me. Children definitely complicates things, immensely happy that my DH is on the same page as me. You are better off dating someone that believes the same as you.

[Anonymous]

It may not work out, Op, but this guy sounds like it worth the risk to find out if it does work out.

[Anonymous]

I am super catholic...or was. Married a nice catholic guy. And it turned out he didn't even believe in God. He totally lied and was just catholic because that is how he was raised. We got a divorce and I am now married to a good man who is agnostic. He majored in Religion and we are raising our kids catholic and they even go to catholic school. Honestly, I rather have an honest non Christian than a Christian who is lying to himself and you. So stop the hand wringing and go walk a pilgrimage or something to figure yourself out.

[Anonymous]

Actually, I believe that I Corinthians 7:14 says "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy."

In most churches nationwide, women outnumber men 2 to 1. This works out well for the churches: neverending supply of single women to teach Sunday School, pour coffee, and handle the altar flowers. For women who wish to marry, however, you may have to make a choice. If you decide to stick with the (decidedly non-Biblical) advice to only marry a Christian, you are statistically less likely to marry. If you go for the non-believer. you may run into some of the problems cited above, especially with raising kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I believe that I Corinthians 7:14 says "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy."

In most churches nationwide, women outnumber men 2 to 1. This works out well for the churches: neverending supply of single women to teach Sunday School, pour coffee, and handle the altar flowers. For women who wish to marry, however, you may have to make a choice. If you decide to stick with the (decidedly non-Biblical) advice to only marry a Christian, you are statistically less likely to marry. If you go for the non-believer. you may run into some of the problems cited above, especially with raising kids.

The passage you quote is from the letter Paul sent to the Corinthians correcting errors in their belief, and what he was addressing here is whether a new believer who is already married should divorce his or her spouse if that spouse did not become a believer also. This is different from OP's situation, deciding whether to embark on a relationship with a non-believer.

It looks from here that OP is looking for people to tell her it's OK, and DCUM is certainly the right place for that, although I'm not sure why OP would say it's wrong for her to do so but think it's OK if still more non-believers say it's OK. Of course they would.

The more relevant passage here is not 1 Corinthians 7 but 2 Corinthians 6: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"

I really hope OP understands that her faith is being tested and that the LORD has something much better in mind for her than a relationship with someone who doesn't share her love of her Savior with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I believe that I Corinthians 7:14 says "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy."

In most churches nationwide, women outnumber men 2 to 1. This works out well for the churches: neverending supply of single women to teach Sunday School, pour coffee, and handle the altar flowers. For women who wish to marry, however, you may have to make a choice. If you decide to stick with the (decidedly non-Biblical) advice to only marry a Christian, you are statistically less likely to marry. If you go for the non-believer. you may run into some of the problems cited above, especially with raising kids.

The passage you quote is from the letter Paul sent to the Corinthians correcting errors in their belief, and what he was addressing here is whether a new believer who is already married should divorce his or her spouse if that spouse did not become a believer also. This is different from OP's situation, deciding whether to embark on a relationship with a non-believer.

It looks from here that OP is looking for people to tell her it's OK, and DCUM is certainly the right place for that, although I'm not sure why OP would say it's wrong for her to do so but think it's OK if still more non-believers say it's OK. Of course they would.

The more relevant passage here is not 1 Corinthians 7 but 2 Corinthians 6: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"

I really hope OP understands that her faith is being tested and that the LORD has something much better in mind for her than a relationship with someone who doesn't share her love of her Savior with her.

As a Jew, I'm looking at this from the other end.

I would hate to be in a relationship with someone who is convinced I need to believe in Jesus to be "saved." It's an unacceptable judgment of MY religion and MY teligiois beliefs, which of course should be just as valid as those with different beliefs. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. I was very close friends with someone who became an Evangelical Christian, and from that point forward, every interaction consisted of her trying to convince me that G-d wants me to believe in Jesus, or else I will be punished in hell. I told her repeatedly to stop, but she couldn't. Eventually, I severed the friendship.

Please do the guy a favor and allow him to find someone who does not think he is damned for eternity unless he follows your religious beliefs. It will be an unequal relationship from the start, with the implied message that he is "less than" you in G-d's eyes.

[Anonymous]

How old are you OP?

I'm in my late 40s. I was pretty "religious" when I was younger. Sang in the choir; taught Sunday school, etc.. Religion was very important to me. I held out for a religious guy. I dated a guy who went to church (though not regularly), and was generally a good person, but in a lot of other ways, wasn't a good "Christian".

Then years later, I realized that my faith was not based on the understanding of God's grace, but a set of dogmatic beliefs. I met a guy who is an agnostic, but in every other way, is more "Christian" than the previous Christian guy I dated.

We have now been married 17 years. I take my kids to church, and DH is supportive of that. Sometimes at the dinner table, I talk to the kids about the stories in the Bible and about the true message of Christ. DH is right there with me. He may not believe that Jesus is the Son of God, but he absolutely believes and tries to follow most of His teachings. I go to know DH while we were dating and realized what a good person he is, and while he may not profess the same faith, he professes the same beliefs of being a good Christian. Faith, IMO, is between him and God. I guess it also helps that my faith is no longer rooted in such dogma but more now based on God's grace and love.

It works for us.

[Anonymous]

My sister married a nonbeliever, and now the guy is an avid church goer, though it's taken something like 15 years for this to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am super catholic...or was. Married a nice catholic guy. And it turned out he didn't even believe in God. He totally lied and was just catholic because that is how he was raised. We got a divorce and I am now married to a good man who is agnostic. He majored in Religion and we are raising our kids catholic and they even go to catholic school. Honestly, I rather have an honest non Christian than a Christian who is lying to himself and you. So stop the hand wringing and go walk a pilgrimage or something to figure yourself out.

How did you not know he wasn’t really Catholic before marriage? This seems like one of those things couples should really dig into before committing their lives to each other in front of god.

[Anonymous]

What am I reading? Are we in 2018?

[Anonymous]

Why do women fall in love before they even start dating someone? You have no way of knowing if this man is perfect for you - you’re not dating him!! Dating is a process, and an important one, to figure out if you’re compatible.

[Anonymous]

You need to think of the afterlife. How will you enjoy everlasting bliss if your most loved person is in hell for eternity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to think of the afterlife. How will you enjoy everlasting bliss if your most loved person is in hell for eternity?

Based on what I have been taught, you relationships in the afterlife aren't the same. You won't be "married" to your spouse.