International families

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised by all the hate on the DH. I see his point of view. I wouldn't want my kids gone for a good part of the summer especially if I couldn't go with them or this impacted how much we could travel as a family at other times. Compromise on every other summer or shorten your trip to 7-10 days. Can your relatives come stay with you for part of the summer? Maybe that would get him to change his mind. You both have to be in agreement on something like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP we do this. I (or the nanny) take the kids to my parents in Europe. They spend 3 months there having the best time of their lives. My parents rent a house near a beach where the kids do “camp” in the morning (they swim, sail, kayak, play, etc) and spend time at the beach with their friends in the afternoon. It’s very safe place geared towards the kids. My parents are amazing, the kids and DH love them and trust them 100%. I am usually away from them for 3-4 weeks and DH 6-8 weeks. We miss them, but we also enjoy the time alone recognizing that this is what is best FOR OUR KIDS. The other option would be to be in camps in the crappy weather. I grew up spending 3 months at the beach with grandparents/ parents/ nanny. My parents always made a point in having us being outside and in the water as much as possible. DH is fromsouth America and we don’t do this with his side of the family. His parents are older and would not be able (nor do they want to) care for our kids. We have a different relationship. My parents are amazing and we are so blessed to have them. Maybe it’s a cultural thing. My grandparents took all their grandkids to France for 3 weeks every summer to learn French. It was never an issue in my family. Perhaps American parents are different. I still believe that you should do what’s best for the kids and not for you or DH.

Included in that is that the parents not be at odds, resentful, or locked in some kind of power struggle. She and her DH need to work out something that they are both happy with -- the rest of it doesn't matter for the kids if the parents are not feeling good about their own family situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP we do this. I (or the nanny) take the kids to my parents in Europe. They spend 3 months there having the best time of their lives. My parents rent a house near a beach where the kids do “camp” in the morning (they swim, sail, kayak, play, etc) and spend time at the beach with their friends in the afternoon. It’s very safe place geared towards the kids. My parents are amazing, the kids and DH love them and trust them 100%. I am usually away from them for 3-4 weeks and DH 6-8 weeks. We miss them, but we also enjoy the time alone recognizing that this is what is best FOR OUR KIDS. The other option would be to be in camps in the crappy weather. I grew up spending 3 months at the beach with grandparents/ parents/ nanny. My parents always made a point in having us being outside and in the water as much as possible. DH is fromsouth America and we don’t do this with his side of the family. His parents are older and would not be able (nor do they want to) care for our kids. We have a different relationship. My parents are amazing and we are so blessed to have them. Maybe it’s a cultural thing. My grandparents took all their grandkids to France for 3 weeks every summer to learn French. It was never an issue in my family. Perhaps American parents are different. I still believe that you should do what’s best for the kids and not for you or DH.

She is not in charge of deciding what's best for the kids. Her DH gets a vote too.

And you have no idea what the setup is on the other end.

Yes of course! My “You” meant both DW and DH should not be selfish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by all the hate on the DH. I see his point of view. I wouldn't want my kids gone for a good part of the summer especially if I couldn't go with them or this impacted how much we could travel as a family at other times. Compromise on every other summer or shorten your trip to 7-10 days. Can your relatives come stay with you for part of the summer? Maybe that would get him to change his mind. You both have to be in agreement on something like this.

+1. I don't understand why DH is being told he's being selfish when he wants to spend time with his kids. If this were a dad sending the kids away, no one would call the mom selfish for not wanting her children gone all summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by all the hate on the DH. I see his point of view. I wouldn't want my kids gone for a good part of the summer especially if I couldn't go with them or this impacted how much we could travel as a family at other times. Compromise on every other summer or shorten your trip to 7-10 days. Can your relatives come stay with you for part of the summer? Maybe that would get him to change his mind. You both have to be in agreement on something like this.

+1. I don't understand why DH is being told he's being selfish when he wants to spend time with his kids. If this were a dad sending the kids away, no one would call the mom selfish for not wanting her children gone all summer.

I don’t know if your husbands work from home, don’t work at all or work part time, etc. Mine works a lot Mon-Fri. He leaves the house at 8:30 am (does not spend any time with kids because he needs to ge ready before then) and comes home between 7/7:30. Literally he spends 30 minutes per day with our kids during the week. He is around them the whole weekend, but is it worth for the kids to give up on such amazing experiences so that DH (or DW) can spend 2 days a week with them? It seems very unfair to me and selfish (it does not matter if it’s the mom or the dad doing this).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by all the hate on the DH. I see his point of view. I wouldn't want my kids gone for a good part of the summer especially if I couldn't go with them or this impacted how much we could travel as a family at other times. Compromise on every other summer or shorten your trip to 7-10 days. Can your relatives come stay with you for part of the summer? Maybe that would get him to change his mind. You both have to be in agreement on something like this.

+1. I don't understand why DH is being told he's being selfish when he wants to spend time with his kids. If this were a dad sending the kids away, no one would call the mom selfish for not wanting her children gone all summer.

So mom should not see her family, just so dad can avoid “missing” his children for a half hour a day?

He could totally balance this out by taking the week off after mom and the kids come home, and be the primary caregiver for a week, but I’m guessing he won’t do that either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by all the hate on the DH. I see his point of view. I wouldn't want my kids gone for a good part of the summer especially if I couldn't go with them or this impacted how much we could travel as a family at other times. Compromise on every other summer or shorten your trip to 7-10 days. Can your relatives come stay with you for part of the summer? Maybe that would get him to change his mind. You both have to be in agreement on something like this.

+1. I don't understand why DH is being told he's being selfish when he wants to spend time with his kids. If this were a dad sending the kids away, no one would call the mom selfish for not wanting her children gone all summer.

So mom should not see her family, just so dad can avoid “missing” his children for a half hour a day?

He could totally balance this out by taking the week off after mom and the kids come home, and be the primary caregiver for a week, but I’m guessing he won’t do that either.

I think the general consensus of this thread is that 2 weeks is totally reasonable and "the summer" is not. OP has used both terms so its unclear what it is. But 2 weeks is plenty of time for mom to catch up with her family and that still leaves plenty of summer for dad to enjoy with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by all the hate on the DH. I see his point of view. I wouldn't want my kids gone for a good part of the summer especially if I couldn't go with them or this impacted how much we could travel as a family at other times. Compromise on every other summer or shorten your trip to 7-10 days. Can your relatives come stay with you for part of the summer? Maybe that would get him to change his mind. You both have to be in agreement on something like this.

+1. I don't understand why DH is being told he's being selfish when he wants to spend time with his kids. If this were a dad sending the kids away, no one would call the mom selfish for not wanting her children gone all summer.

I don’t know if your husbands work from home, don’t work at all or work part time, etc. Mine works a lot Mon-Fri. He leaves the house at 8:30 am (does not spend any time with kids because he needs to ge ready before then) and comes home between 7/7:30. Literally he spends 30 minutes per day with our kids during the week. He is around them the whole weekend, but is it worth for the kids to give up on such amazing experiences so that DH (or DW) can spend 2 days a week with them? It seems very unfair to me and selfish (it does not matter if it’s the mom or the dad doing this).

Some of us live closer in and so get home before 7:30. And even if one parent puts in longer hours, it really doesn't matter--bottom line, it needs to be a joint decision between OP and her husband. Doesn't matter if OP is a SAHP and primary caregiver--OP can't just decide to take *their* children out of the country for the entire summer if her husband is not on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by all the hate on the DH. I see his point of view. I wouldn't want my kids gone for a good part of the summer especially if I couldn't go with them or this impacted how much we could travel as a family at other times. Compromise on every other summer or shorten your trip to 7-10 days. Can your relatives come stay with you for part of the summer? Maybe that would get him to change his mind. You both have to be in agreement on something like this.

+1. I don't understand why DH is being told he's being selfish when he wants to spend time with his kids. If this were a dad sending the kids away, no one would call the mom selfish for not wanting her children gone all summer.

I don’t know if your husbands work from home, don’t work at all or work part time, etc. Mine works a lot Mon-Fri. He leaves the house at 8:30 am (does not spend any time with kids because he needs to ge ready before then) and comes home between 7/7:30. Literally he spends 30 minutes per day with our kids during the week. He is around them the whole weekend, but is it worth for the kids to give up on such amazing experiences so that DH (or DW) can spend 2 days a week with them? It seems very unfair to me and selfish (it does not matter if it’s the mom or the dad doing this).

Some of us live closer in and so get home before 7:30. And even if one parent puts in longer hours, it really doesn't matter--bottom line, it needs to be a joint decision between OP and her husband. Doesn't matter if OP is a SAHP and primary caregiver--OP can't just decide to take *their* children out of the country for the entire summer if her husband is not on board.

P.S. Even if one parent doesn't see the children much at the end of the day, that could actually be an argument in favor of keeping them home some of the summer--s/he has such precious little time with them, that they wants to make the most of it during summer weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by all the hate on the DH. I see his point of view. I wouldn't want my kids gone for a good part of the summer especially if I couldn't go with them or this impacted how much we could travel as a family at other times. Compromise on every other summer or shorten your trip to 7-10 days. Can your relatives come stay with you for part of the summer? Maybe that would get him to change his mind. You both have to be in agreement on something like this.

+1. I don't understand why DH is being told he's being selfish when he wants to spend time with his kids. If this were a dad sending the kids away, no one would call the mom selfish for not wanting her children gone all summer.

I don’t know if your husbands work from home, don’t work at all or work part time, etc. Mine works a lot Mon-Fri. He leaves the house at 8:30 am (does not spend any time with kids because he needs to ge ready before then) and comes home between 7/7:30. Literally he spends 30 minutes per day with our kids during the week. He is around them the whole weekend, but is it worth for the kids to give up on such amazing experiences so that DH (or DW) can spend 2 days a week with them? It seems very unfair to me and selfish (it does not matter if it’s the mom or the dad doing this).

Some of us live closer in and so get home before 7:30. And even if one parent puts in longer hours, it really doesn't matter--bottom line, it needs to be a joint decision between OP and her husband. Doesn't matter if OP is a SAHP and primary caregiver--OP can't just decide to take *their* children out of the country for the entire summer if her husband is not on board.

But of course! Both parents need to agree. The one that does not (unless he/she has valid reasons) is selfish. Period

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by all the hate on the DH. I see his point of view. I wouldn't want my kids gone for a good part of the summer especially if I couldn't go with them or this impacted how much we could travel as a family at other times. Compromise on every other summer or shorten your trip to 7-10 days. Can your relatives come stay with you for part of the summer? Maybe that would get him to change his mind. You both have to be in agreement on something like this.

+1. I don't understand why DH is being told he's being selfish when he wants to spend time with his kids. If this were a dad sending the kids away, no one would call the mom selfish for not wanting her children gone all summer.

I don’t know if your husbands work from home, don’t work at all or work part time, etc. Mine works a lot Mon-Fri. He leaves the house at 8:30 am (does not spend any time with kids because he needs to ge ready before then) and comes home between 7/7:30. Literally he spends 30 minutes per day with our kids during the week. He is around them the whole weekend, but is it worth for the kids to give up on such amazing experiences so that DH (or DW) can spend 2 days a week with them? It seems very unfair to me and selfish (it does not matter if it’s the mom or the dad doing this).

Some of us live closer in and so get home before 7:30. And even if one parent puts in longer hours, it really doesn't matter--bottom line, it needs to be a joint decision between OP and her husband. Doesn't matter if OP is a SAHP and primary caregiver--OP can't just decide to take *their* children out of the country for the entire summer if her husband is not on board.

P.S. Even if one parent doesn't see the children much at the end of the day, that could actually be an argument in favor of keeping them home some of the summer--s/he has such precious little time with them, that they wants to make the most of it during summer weekends.

It must be cultural. Where we are from parents do what’s best for the kids always. We save money and buy them houses when we get married instead of spending money on ourselves, we put their needs first. I am glad I guess that my husband shares my views and is on biard with me.
Houses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by all the hate on the DH. I see his point of view. I wouldn't want my kids gone for a good part of the summer especially if I couldn't go with them or this impacted how much we could travel as a family at other times. Compromise on every other summer or shorten your trip to 7-10 days. Can your relatives come stay with you for part of the summer? Maybe that would get him to change his mind. You both have to be in agreement on something like this.

+1. I don't understand why DH is being told he's being selfish when he wants to spend time with his kids. If this were a dad sending the kids away, no one would call the mom selfish for not wanting her children gone all summer.

So mom should not see her family, just so dad can avoid “missing” his children for a half hour a day?

He could totally balance this out by taking the week off after mom and the kids come home, and be the primary caregiver for a week, but I’m guessing he won’t do that either.

+1. Or DH can take his vacation and join the family in the other country

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes it is pretty much this: summer abroad with grandparents and other family memebers versus camp in DC with random kids and DH seeing LOs morning and evening plus weekends.

I think it’s a no brainer OP... DH is selfish (unless he is worried for good reasons). anyone that argues against this (again, unless they do so for safety reasons). My guess is that there is something else that your husband worries about. Maybe he is jealous, maybe he did not have grandparents, his view of family is different (parents have to always be there), maybe he does not trust you/your parents, maybe he has control issues... otherwise he is simply a selfish a**

How is it selfish for a father to want to be an involved father??? Are you all from the cultures where it's typical for the father just to pay the bills, barely notice kids and defer all child rearing and housekeeping to the wife and her folks?

[Anonymous]

It's vital for children to spend time abroad learning the language, culture, and spending time with family! Only 1 week would not be worth it, especially with time difference. At least 3 weeks is better. As for DH, perhaps he could try and meet up with you and the kids abroad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's vital for children to spend time abroad learning the language, culture, and spending time with family! Only 1 week would not be worth it, especially with time difference. At least 3 weeks is better. As for DH, perhaps he could try and meet up with you and the kids abroad?

Best choice: kids are home 2 weeks after school gets out, dad goes with whole family to other country, dad comes back after a week and FaceTimes or Skyped every day. Then, dad goes back over for another week with the whole family three weeks before school starts, and everyone comes back for two weeks at home before school starts. That gives kids a month to a month and a half in the other country, dad has two weeks with kids and no work and everybody should be happy