International families
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Anonymous
| Do you think it is unfair to the other parent to take your kid to your country of origin every summer for a few weeks? |
Anonymous
What? Unfair how? DH and I are from different countries and we spend every summer in my country. Kids spend a lot of time without us with my parents in the summer as well. We visit DH country as well, but not as often. What do you mean oP? |
Anonymous
| DH told me he misses out on too much time with kids if I take them every summer abroad and told me today he would like for me to limit their time there. he mentioned that it is unfair for me not to take his feelings into consideration when i told him i am not planning on changing that because these are the times that kids see my family overseas - once a year for a few weeks in summer. |
Anonymous
I am shocked.. unless your husband has a reason not to trust you, your family, your country, then he should be thinking about his KIDS and not what’s best for him. In my case my kids go away the whole summer with my parents back to my country. I join for about 1.5 months and DH joking for 20-25 days. DH misses them of course as do I, but being there it’s so much better for them than spending their summer in a camp in DC. Weather is better, near the beach, in a dark gerente culture surrounded by people that love them and are with them24/7. DH is great and loving, but works all day and spends literally 1 hour a day during the week with the kids. Your DH is super selfish |
Anonymous
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If it used up all of your vacation days or vacation money and you could never have a trip as a family I would understand his point but if not, then I don’t understand.
My husband is from another country and we haven’t been to visit in a long time but that’s due to cost and vacation days. However, we do pay for a ticket for his mother to visit. She’s coming later this month for 8 weeks. Maybe that’s another option for you to see your family more. |
Anonymous
| We are international family as well, however I think this decision should be made in agreement. If DH misses his kids because they are gone for too long he has a valid point. Maybe he could come with you guys or maybe you could reduce the time there? Or just make your argument while it the best thing for the family /kids? |
Anonymous
| My husband would miss the kids too. I wouldn't take them for longer than 2 weeks without him. He hates being away from them for longer than 3 days. He will be willing to do 1 week or 2 for them to have a wonderful experience. But it would be difficult to get him to agree to longer than that. |
Anonymous
| Wow! I am shocked by how selfish these husbands are... my DH spends 3-4 weeks sometimes twice a year away from his kids. I also am away for 3 weeks sometimes in the summer. It’s great for the kids to change everything every once in a while. They have grandparents that are almost second parents. They spend time at the beach in the water in amazing weather (not the awfully hot and humid DC summers). My DH misses them, but understands that keeping them here so he can see them for a few minutes in the morning and in the evening (and weekend) it’s really selfish. Sometimes he was able to make a long weekend trip in the middle of it, but that does not happen always... anyway... shouldn’t what the kids want (or it’s best for them) trump what DH (or DW) want? |
Anonymous
| THere are parents in this region who send their kids away to camp for the whole summer. |
Anonymous
| i'm on DH side. Kids are only young for so long. He wants to see them and hang out with them. |
Anonymous
| For me, spending summers in my mother’s home country was the only way for me to become fluent in the language. |
Anonymous
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No, it's greatly beneficial to the child and this supercedes all other factors. We are an international family and I have only done this once, but would do it more often if we could. My friends ALL try to do this, regardless of country of origin (Europe, Africa or Asia), but like us, sometimes they can't because of work/camp schedules and expense. I also have friends who send their children by themselves to be looked after by grandparents or relatives. My Japanese friends send their kids as soon as schools let out in the US so their children can catch the end of the Japanese school year. I'm a mother hen and my parents aren't great caregivers, so I don't do this, but if both parents work a lot and they have trustworthy family in their home country, it can be a good solution. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Yes it is pretty much this: summer abroad with grandparents and other family memebers versus camp in DC with random kids and DH seeing LOs morning and evening plus weekends. |
Anonymous
Our child attends an international school where many families go back to their home country for all or part of the summer. However, the whole summer seems long if one parent can’t go and is asking to see his/her kids during the summer. Could you compromise and shorten the summer abroad by 2-3 weeks? Also, there are some excellent day camps in the area—perhaps you could arrange with other families so that there are some familiar faces at camp. We sometimes do this, although other times our kid actually becomes friends with some of those “random kids” and has a good time. |
Anonymous
I think it’s a no brainer OP... DH is selfish (unless he is worried for good reasons). anyone that argues against this (again, unless they do so for safety reasons). My guess is that there is something else that your husband worries about. Maybe he is jealous, maybe he did not have grandparents, his view of family is different (parents have to always be there), maybe he does not trust you/your parents, maybe he has control issues... otherwise he is simply a selfish a** |