A theory about having kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We planned on 3 but stopped at 2 for health reasons. Logistically, one might have been easier, but also might have been harder. However, I strongly believe that having siblings, whether they're friends as children or adults or not, teaches children invaluable and irreplicable lessons.

This is the reason I have 2.

Same.

[Anonymous]

I have one child and we cannot have anymore (been trying for the last 5 years with no success, we did IUIs and 7 IVFs and nothing worked, this is after getting pregnant on the first try with my son who is 5.5 years old).

Anyhow, to be honest, I feel that my family is incomplete with just one child. Having one child is wonderful, and I'm so thankful that I have one, but it's not the same as having 2+ kids. There's just not that family feeling there. My son often says he's lonely, and asks often for a sibling, which I feel terrible that I can't give him.

This may sound petty, but I've noticed on Facebook that no one ever has commented "beautiful family" to the family photos that I post of the 3 of us, not even once, and I see them commenting this to everyone else who has 2 + kids all the time. I've noticed the same with other families with onlies, they they don't get comments saying "beautiful family" either. It makes me feel really depressed because I feel that others don't see my family as a legitimate family or they judge me for only having one (they don't know our infertility situation).

[Anonymous]

I think multiple kids just feels like a different dynamic because the kids can interact without any parent involvement. So the family includes a relationship with no parents, which for some people adds a new element. The minimum number to get there is two. Hence two kids. Obviously one child is also a family. . . Or ten!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We planned on 3 but stopped at 2 for health reasons. Logistically, one might have been easier, but also might have been harder. However, I strongly believe that having siblings, whether they're friends as children or adults or not, teaches children invaluable and irreplicable lessons.

Lol, in my case DH has a younger sister whom I rather not know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nah, we wanted a second because we both value our siblings and want our kids to have a sibling as well. We recognize that 2 is our max emotionally and logistically, so now we’re done.

This is us too. We have two, it’s hard but I now feel done and happy.

[Anonymous]

I agree op. And I also think this is true if people who have one kid. It’s just what you do. And then you have the second. Because when are you having another.

[Anonymous]

My oldest was born with special needs and it took 4 years for me to badly want a second child.

So I pity you and your generalizations, OP. You don't know me and what I've been through, or what other parents have gone through on this planet.

Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one child and we cannot have anymore (been trying for the last 5 years with no success, we did IUIs and 7 IVFs and nothing worked, this is after getting pregnant on the first try with my son who is 5.5 years old).

Anyhow, to be honest, I feel that my family is incomplete with just one child. Having one child is wonderful, and I'm so thankful that I have one, but it's not the same as having 2+ kids. There's just not that family feeling there. My son often says he's lonely, and asks often for a sibling, which I feel terrible that I can't give him.

This may sound petty, but I've noticed on Facebook that no one ever has commented "beautiful family" to the family photos that I post of the 3 of us, not even once, and I see them commenting this to everyone else who has 2 + kids all the time. I've noticed the same with other families with onlies, they they don't get comments saying "beautiful family" either. It makes me feel really depressed because I feel that others don't see my family as a legitimate family or they judge me for only having one (they don't know our infertility situation).

Get off FB! Please, it's shallow how you think people don't comment on your family photos. It's so stupid what people base having more kids on. How the hell did people navigate life pre-social media?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We planned on 3 but stopped at 2 for health reasons. Logistically, one might have been easier, but also might have been harder. However, I strongly believe that having siblings, whether they're friends as children or adults or not, teaches children invaluable and irreplicable lessons.

This is the reason I have 2.

Same.

How about having a second because you truly want the second child just for him or herself? Not so that he or she can serve to teach your first child some "invaluable and irreplicable lessons"? I can't get behind that at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one child and we cannot have anymore (been trying for the last 5 years with no success, we did IUIs and 7 IVFs and nothing worked, this is after getting pregnant on the first try with my son who is 5.5 years old).

Anyhow, to be honest, I feel that my family is incomplete with just one child. Having one child is wonderful, and I'm so thankful that I have one, but it's not the same as having 2+ kids. There's just not that family feeling there. My son often says he's lonely, and asks often for a sibling, which I feel terrible that I can't give him.

This may sound petty, but I've noticed on Facebook that no one ever has commented "beautiful family" to the family photos that I post of the 3 of us, not even once, and I see them commenting this to everyone else who has 2 + kids all the time. I've noticed the same with other families with onlies, they they don't get comments saying "beautiful family" either. It makes me feel really depressed because I feel that others don't see my family as a legitimate family or they judge me for only having one (they don't know our infertility situation).

I think you're projecting and your son picks up on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one child and we cannot have anymore (been trying for the last 5 years with no success, we did IUIs and 7 IVFs and nothing worked, this is after getting pregnant on the first try with my son who is 5.5 years old).

Anyhow, to be honest, I feel that my family is incomplete with just one child. Having one child is wonderful, and I'm so thankful that I have one, but it's not the same as having 2+ kids. There's just not that family feeling there. My son often says he's lonely, and asks often for a sibling, which I feel terrible that I can't give him.

This may sound petty, but I've noticed on Facebook that no one ever has commented "beautiful family" to the family photos that I post of the 3 of us, not even once, and I see them commenting this to everyone else who has 2 + kids all the time. I've noticed the same with other families with onlies, they they don't get comments saying "beautiful family" either. It makes me feel really depressed because I feel that others don't see my family as a legitimate family or they judge me for only having one (they don't know our infertility situation).

You've posted this before, particularly the thing about "beautiful family." I'm truly sorry you don't have the family size you want. Fixating on what other people might think, because of what they don't say, is unhealthy and I also agree with PP that your kid is picking up what you're projecting. I think therapy would be helpful for you. Hope you find peace with this.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. We have two because after our older son, I still felt like I wanted another baby... but I'm an only child, and the only child stereotypes and generalizations drive me crazy. I didn't grow up in "barely" a family and I'm not sorry I don't have brothers or sisters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one child and we cannot have anymore (been trying for the last 5 years with no success, we did IUIs and 7 IVFs and nothing worked, this is after getting pregnant on the first try with my son who is 5.5 years old).

Anyhow, to be honest, I feel that my family is incomplete with just one child. Having one child is wonderful, and I'm so thankful that I have one, but it's not the same as having 2+ kids. There's just not that family feeling there. My son often says he's lonely, and asks often for a sibling, which I feel terrible that I can't give him.

This may sound petty, but I've noticed on Facebook that no one ever has commented "beautiful family" to the family photos that I post of the 3 of us, not even once, and I see them commenting this to everyone else who has 2 + kids all the time. I've noticed the same with other families with onlies, they they don't get comments saying "beautiful family" either. It makes me feel really depressed because I feel that others don't see my family as a legitimate family or they judge me for only having one (they don't know our infertility situation).

I think you're projecting and your son picks up on that.

DP. My two kids ask me for a new baby, a brother or sister, and I tell them it's not going to happen. Kids do have thoughts of their own, not only picking up on their parents feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We planned on 3 but stopped at 2 for health reasons. Logistically, one might have been easier, but also might have been harder. However, I strongly believe that having siblings, whether they're friends as children or adults or not, teaches children invaluable and irreplicable lessons.

This is the reason I have 2.

Same.

How about having a second because you truly want the second child just for him or herself? Not so that he or she can serve to teach your first child some "invaluable and irreplicable lessons"? I can't get behind that at all.

I didn't know my second before he was born. How could I have wanted him just for himself? After he was born, I love him for himself. I chose to have him for DH and myself and for DS.

[Anonymous]

That’s a nice theory about your own childbearing decisions, OP.