Jealous of women who find husbands in their early twenties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people I know who married that young are divorced now.

Same here. They never got to live the wild life in their 20's, so they deifnitely made up for it in their 30's/40's after getting divorced.

My friend's ex-wife was known about town as the village bicycle. More than once someone in our circle of friends would see her walking out of a hotel room in the morning after meeting some tourist at a nightclub.

Another I was out with a few months ago. He uses Tinder obsessively. We were on a trip together and rented a house with some other friends and had a party at our place. He was with 2 different women within 2 hours during that party.

I got all that out of my system in my 20's. No desire to go back to those days whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people I know who married that young are divorced now.

I feel like if you got married in you early twenties and are in your late 30s/early 40s now, you've gone the distance and are very unlikely to get divorced at this point.

[Anonymous]

There’s a difference between “met” in their early 20s and “married” in their early 20s. To marry in your early 20s you either got married real quick or met as teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Got married young. Had kids young. Never got my fun single 20s. Regret it. I’ll be 42 when my youngest goes to college. So I guess I’ll have my fun adventures in my 40s.

[Anonymous]

OP, it’s total luck when and if you find someone. My college besties and I were all similar levels of nice/pretty/smart (all in the same sorority at the same highly selective university). Half ended up married to their college boyfriends in early 20s. Half of us (me included) ended up breaking up with the college bf and getting married a decade later after many years of disappointing dating. And a few are still single. As someone who is devotedly in love with my husband, I’m so glad things worked out the way they did (bc otherwise I wouldn’t be with him), even if it means having kids in my mid-30s when I would have preferred earlier. You gotta focus on the good things in the life you have NOW. You only get older from here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people I know who married that young are divorced now.

I feel like if you got married in you early twenties and are in your late 30s/early 40s now, you've gone the distance and are very unlikely to get divorced at this point.

I agree. I'm tired of everyone assuming young people get divorced. I married at 23, my husband was 25. We are very happily married. Many of our friends have similar stories.

I don't post about it on FB, but sometimes people really are happy.

Go make your own happiness. Don't rationalize your unhappiness by assuming that other people are hiding their struggles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people I know who married that young are divorced now.

I feel like if you got married in you early twenties and are in your late 30s/early 40s now, you've gone the distance and are very unlikely to get divorced at this point.

I agree. I'm tired of everyone assuming young people get divorced. I married at 23, my husband was 25. We are very happily married. Many of our friends have similar stories.

I don't post about it on FB, but sometimes people really are happy.

Go make your own happiness. Don't rationalize your unhappiness by assuming that other people are hiding their struggles.

It's all a gamble. Met STBXH when 24 and married at 27. Three kids in my 30s. Separating now after 17 years of marriage. We're both excited to be free of each other. We grew apart over the years and want different things for our future. I wonder if we were in our 30s when we met if we'd have a better idea of how each wanted to live in their working years and retirement.

[Anonymous]

I was a moron in my early 20s when it came to romantic decisions. No way in hell would I want to be stuck with the man I was "so in love with" back then for the rest of my life.

[Anonymous]

It's always a mistake to compare yourself to others. First, live your life and make it the best you can, even if others are doing well and are happy. Doesn't detract from what you can do. Second, you NEVER now whether someone really is better of even if they appear to be.

I married at 24 and it seemed to be a good choice at the time. We were both relatively mature, went to excellent schools, both continued on to grad school. We seemed like decent partners, shares similar goals at the time, traveled and had some amazing adventures. However, fast forward 20 years and we're bitterly divorced and have to coparent 2 kids. We were not well-matched in relationship and parenting values. Small things became big once we had kids. I'm remarried now and in a much, much happier place after some very difficult years in my 30s.

Some friends I knew who had not partnered until later did go through lonely or tough times in 20s and 30s. But when they did partner it seems to be for good, and happily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Got married young. Had kids young. Never got my fun single 20s. Regret it. I’ll be 42 when my youngest goes to college. So I guess I’ll have my fun adventures in my 40s.

Honestly that's a fine time to have some fun adventures. Yes, you're not as vigorous or good-looking as in your 20s, but you have more money, more savoir-faire, and most of all you are free of the big existential questions hanging over your head in your 20s. For a lot of people their 20s are not actually a care-free time because there are so many concerns about what your future will look like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got married young. Had kids young. Never got my fun single 20s. Regret it. I’ll be 42 when my youngest goes to college. So I guess I’ll have my fun adventures in my 40s.

Honestly that's a fine time to have some fun adventures. Yes, you're not as vigorous or good-looking as in your 20s, but you have more money, more savoir-faire, and most of all you are free of the big existential questions hanging over your head in your 20s. For a lot of people their 20s are not actually a care-free time because there are so many concerns about what your future will look like.

Not really. Those big questions are still hanging over your head because they were answered automatically (by marriage and kids) during your 20s. Back then, you were defined by your spouse and kids so you still might know who you really are as a person and what you could have been if you traveled your own path un-tethered by family obligations. You might have more money but not as much disposable income (college expenses, mortgage, saving for retirement, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Some of my friends got married at 22 and 23, most got married mid-20s, and only one of us is divorced (that was a trainwreck waiting to happen- would've happened at any age, to be honest). We're now early 40s.

My son's coach got married right out of college and he and his wife had kids very young too. They're 30 (I think she's younger) and they have 4 kids, the oldest who is 8 or 9. I am envious of people who started their families early, but realize that for most people, there's a tradeoff with finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just noticed a friend of my younger sisters is pregnant on my Facebook feed. She is 26.married at 24. Her husband is also 26. I notice he is a stem major and probably makes bank. They look like they have their life figured out.

Meanwhile husband and I are early thirties. Still can’t afgord a child. Or a house.

Lol. Feel like a loser.

I know a lot of people who got married and had children very young. Here's what I've noticed:

-The ones who don't divorce are very religious. Which is fine, but it's not my thing. Or they met very young (14-15) and got married years later after college.

-They don't make bank, even with STEM degrees. Usually only the man works once kids come along. Often they aren't very good at their job- usually men who want to settle down and start a family that early on aren't really Type A/career-focused enough to truly excel and make big $.

-They don't worry about "affording kids". They just have them. I know couples who have 5-6 kids, usually only 1-2 years apart (one couple I know has 9!). I know what the husband does for work, and know that there is no way they can afford to pay for all their kids' college tuition. Kids share rooms, they have only one vehicle (usually a crazy big, crappy van), live in less desirable areas, have smaller houses, and use a lot of hand-me-downs. They get handouts from church. They don't do things like sports or music classes because they can't afford them.

-They just have different priorities. Kids/family are really the only priority, and they don't prioritize saving or needing to "afford" certain things before having kids. They mostly live paycheck to paycheck and don't have much set aside for retirement. Which is fine, but I would be extremely stressed out living that way. They also don't place much value on material possessions- big house, nice clothes, vacations, etc.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't make you a loser. Not everyone who found a husband young keeps them (married at 23, kid at 27, divorced at 28). Plus you are assuming they make bank, you don't know; and no one posts on Facebook when their life sucks, just when it's great, so it's an unrealistic image of a whole life. You have a husband and are (I assume) happy, a house and a kid maybe will come if you want it, no rush

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people I know who married that young are divorced now.

I feel like if you got married in you early twenties and are in your late 30s/early 40s now, you've gone the distance and are very unlikely to get divorced at this point.

I agree. I'm tired of everyone assuming young people get divorced. I married at 23, my husband was 25. We are very happily married. Many of our friends have similar stories.

I don't post about it on FB, but sometimes people really are happy.

Go make your own happiness. Don't rationalize your unhappiness by assuming that other people are hiding their struggles.

It's all a gamble. Met STBXH when 24 and married at 27. Three kids in my 30s. Separating now after 17 years of marriage. We're both excited to be free of each other. We grew apart over the years and want different things for our future. I wonder if we were in our 30s when we met if we'd have a better idea of how each wanted to live in their working years and retirement.

Yeah but I'm ASSuming that your marriage was troubled during your 30s and that you knew that. Whereas people love to post on here about couples who married early, "just you wait, you're totally getting divorced when the kids move out in your early fifties" even when you explain that you've been in a happy marriage all through your twenties and thirties.