How much to give for “wedding bbq”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter if you weren’t invited to the small family/close friends ceremony. You were invited to post bbq...skip registry give $100 if you are able. If not, gift card to the joke registry and let them pick.

This is OP sand I should correct. They had the wedding last month, and they had a corosponding reception afterwards for that wedding. With just those invited. This is a wholly separate bbq celebration.

[Anonymous]

So this is just a BBQ. No gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter if you weren’t invited to the small family/close friends ceremony. You were invited to post bbq...skip registry give $100 if you are able. If not, gift card to the joke registry and let them pick.

This is OP sand I should correct. They had the wedding last month, and they had a corosponding reception afterwards for that wedding. With just those invited. This is a wholly separate bbq celebration.

So was the wedding "family only" like parents and siblings so maybe a dozen total? Or extended family so like 50-100 people? In general I'd treat this like a casual reception and if I went I'd gift accordingly.

[Anonymous]

they are so tacky!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:they are so tacky!

Asking for gifts is tacky, having a celebration afterward is not. OP got a gift for them so another isn't necessary. Otherwise something modest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter if you weren’t invited to the small family/close friends ceremony. You were invited to post bbq...skip registry give $100 if you are able. If not, gift card to the joke registry and let them pick.

Uh it absolutely does matter, if you create a second tier event for a “wedding” you are rude

So you’d base your gift or no gift on how a couple chooses to legally marry ? What if they decided to do a civil ceremony or elope? You wouldn’t give a gift for a post celebration because you weren’t invited to the legal portion of their marriage? That is rude. A gift is given at shower and at whatever wedding celebration they have. It’s called proper etiquette.

Holy crap, yes

You elope you have forgone my gift, you didn’t want to have the whole big wedding thing, that’s the end of that

We eloped, sent 120 vintage maps with a big red x on the spot in Italy, (Outside) “We are here”, (inside) “We were married”, with save the date for post celebration. Included with details was, “The Only Gift is a Portion of Thyself”. Received gifts anyway...monetary gifts, sentimental/personal gifts, beautiful books of Italy, Italian recipe books, spiritual gifts, donations in our name and some just a simple card with handwritten note wishing us well and that they respected our wishes of no gifts and let’s have dinner soon. The best gift was a full Cutco flatware set in a gorgeous wood box with plaque, “Just because we weren’t there, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen”. This says it all! They were not there, but they celebrated our choice with acknowledgement and a very personal and unique gift. It’s on display in our kitchen and 17 years later, remains a conversation piece when we have company. How we chose to be married was an event for everyone post celebration, we had a short video viewing of bits of ceremony, getting into a dingy in my wedding dress to reach private island, our witnesses Francesco, Francesca, Roberto (prime ministers secretary lol), Roberto (priest who left church to marry Francesca). Was absolutely hilarious! Our guests had such a carefree and fun time in a NYC loft overlooking Twin Towers, 2 months before 9-11 Still so bittersweet for all of us and we talk about it often.

Just ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter if you weren’t invited to the small family/close friends ceremony. You were invited to post bbq...skip registry give $100 if you are able. If not, gift card to the joke registry and let them pick.

Uh it absolutely does matter, if you create a second tier event for a “wedding” you are rude

So you’d base your gift or no gift on how a couple chooses to legally marry ? What if they decided to do a civil ceremony or elope? You wouldn’t give a gift for a post celebration because you weren’t invited to the legal portion of their marriage? That is rude. A gift is given at shower and at whatever wedding celebration they have. It’s called proper etiquette.

Holy crap, yes

You elope you have forgone my gift, you didn’t want to have the whole big wedding thing, that’s the end of that

We eloped, sent 120 vintage maps with a big red x on the spot in Italy, (Outside) “We are here”, (inside) “We were married”, with save the date for post celebration. Included with details was, “The Only Gift is a Portion of Thyself”. Received gifts anyway...monetary gifts, sentimental/personal gifts, beautiful books of Italy, Italian recipe books, spiritual gifts, donations in our name and some just a simple card with handwritten note wishing us well and that they respected our wishes of no gifts and let’s have dinner soon. The best gift was a full Cutco flatware set in a gorgeous wood box with plaque, “Just because we weren’t there, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen”. This says it all! They were not there, but they celebrated our choice with acknowledgement and a very personal and unique gift. It’s on display in our kitchen and 17 years later, remains a conversation piece when we have company. How we chose to be married was an event for everyone post celebration, we had a short video viewing of bits of ceremony, getting into a dingy in my wedding dress to reach private island, our witnesses Francesco, Francesca, Roberto (prime ministers secretary lol), Roberto (priest who left church to marry Francesca). Was absolutely hilarious! Our guests had such a carefree and fun time in a NYC loft overlooking Twin Towers, 2 months before 9-11 Still so bittersweet for all of us and we talk about it often.

This is AMAZING and very similar to what I am planning! Won't be expecting gifts, but I am sure gifts will be sent. I've given generous gifts to all of our friends who have had more traditional weddings and they're happy for us whatever kind of making it official we choose to do. I don't have friends who base their gifting off of whether or not they get a rubbery piece of chicken at a sit down meal. Ha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter if you weren’t invited to the small family/close friends ceremony. You were invited to post bbq...skip registry give $100 if you are able. If not, gift card to the joke registry and let them pick.

This is OP sand I should correct. They had the wedding last month, and they had a corosponding reception afterwards for that wedding. With just those invited. This is a wholly separate bbq celebration.

So was the wedding "family only" like parents and siblings so maybe a dozen total? Or extended family so like 50-100 people? In general I'd treat this like a casual reception and if I went I'd gift accordingly.

About a dozen total. They had a typical reception afterwards, but on a smaller scale.

[Anonymous]

Under these circumstances, I’d decline the invitation to the bbq and not get a gift. If you haven’t yet congratulated them on their marriage, send a note of congratulations.

[Anonymous]

Do you like them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter if you weren’t invited to the small family/close friends ceremony. You were invited to post bbq...skip registry give $100 if you are able. If not, gift card to the joke registry and let them pick.

This is OP sand I should correct. They had the wedding last month, and they had a corosponding reception afterwards for that wedding. With just those invited. This is a wholly separate bbq celebration.

This. Is. A. Gift. Grab.

But one game from the registry and call it a day. This is not a wedding. This is not a wedding reception. This is a BBQ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter if you weren’t invited to the small family/close friends ceremony. You were invited to post bbq...skip registry give $100 if you are able. If not, gift card to the joke registry and let them pick.

Uh it absolutely does matter, if you create a second tier event for a “wedding” you are rude

So you’d base your gift or no gift on how a couple chooses to legally marry ? What if they decided to do a civil ceremony or elope? You wouldn’t give a gift for a post celebration because you weren’t invited to the legal portion of their marriage? That is rude. A gift is given at shower and at whatever wedding celebration they have. It’s called proper etiquette.

Holy crap, yes

You elope you have forgone my gift, you didn’t want to have the whole big wedding thing, that’s the end of that

Wow...you're a real peach. The gift is in celebration of their new union amd to help set them up for their new life. It isn't quid pro quo in exchange for getting to witness the actual wedding. Either you care about the couple or you don't. Give a gift or don't. But don't withhold a gift because you feel slighted they didn't spend enough money entertaining you. Geez.

If the couple cares about friends and family acknowledging their happy union they will have a real wedding. If it’s all about their ultra romantic private elopement, they’ve decided it has nothing to do with me. So be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter if you weren’t invited to the small family/close friends ceremony. You were invited to post bbq...skip registry give $100 if you are able. If not, gift card to the joke registry and let them pick.

Uh it absolutely does matter, if you create a second tier event for a “wedding” you are rude

So you’d base your gift or no gift on how a couple chooses to legally marry ? What if they decided to do a civil ceremony or elope? You wouldn’t give a gift for a post celebration because you weren’t invited to the legal portion of their marriage? That is rude. A gift is given at shower and at whatever wedding celebration they have. It’s called proper etiquette.

Holy crap, yes

You elope you have forgone my gift, you didn’t want to have the whole big wedding thing, that’s the end of that

We eloped, sent 120 vintage maps with a big red x on the spot in Italy, (Outside) “We are here”, (inside) “We were married”, with save the date for post celebration. Included with details was, “The Only Gift is a Portion of Thyself”. Received gifts anyway...monetary gifts, sentimental/personal gifts, beautiful books of Italy, Italian recipe books, spiritual gifts, donations in our name and some just a simple card with handwritten note wishing us well and that they respected our wishes of no gifts and let’s have dinner soon. The best gift was a full Cutco flatware set in a gorgeous wood box with plaque, “Just because we weren’t there, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen”. This says it all! They were not there, but they celebrated our choice with acknowledgement and a very personal and unique gift. It’s on display in our kitchen and 17 years later, remains a conversation piece when we have company. How we chose to be married was an event for everyone post celebration, we had a short video viewing of bits of ceremony, getting into a dingy in my wedding dress to reach private island, our witnesses Francesco, Francesca, Roberto (prime ministers secretary lol), Roberto (priest who left church to marry Francesca). Was absolutely hilarious! Our guests had such a carefree and fun time in a NYC loft overlooking Twin Towers, 2 months before 9-11 Still so bittersweet for all of us and we talk about it often.

barf. too much.

[Anonymous]

This is all a bit tacky. I, personally, don't think you should be invited to a wedding shower when you will NOT be invited to the wedding. Can Emily Post please comment? The couple chose to have a small wedding and reception and chose to not invite you. Now, some relative wants to throw a big party to celebrate. I wouldn't go empty handed, but I would downscale the gift if I attended.

[Anonymous]

My friend has a city hall ceremony and a simple brunch for family and close friends. I still gave her $500. She is one of my closest friends.