How much to give for “wedding bbq”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird I either give at the shower or the wedding, never both, is that just me?

That's weird.

Thanks for telling me. It hasn’t come up a ton of times because I usually just don’t go to showers but next time I will split the gift up differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird I either give at the shower or the wedding, never both, is that just me?

I’ve always given at shower off registry and cash for wedding.

[Anonymous]

I’d probably do $100 but it depends how close you are to the couple. We recently went to a wedding celebration for a couple who only had their parents at the wedding itself. We gave $500 but we have known the bride since she was a baby (and there was no shower if that makes a difference).

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't judge what's on their registry, I'd just get it since it's what they want. Maybe they really want a Yeti-- those are great.

[Anonymous]

So they had a shower and you have a gift? Then weren’t invited to the wedding. Now they’re having a party to celebrate their wedding and have a separate registry? Or is this like their reception since it was such a small wedding? I think the whole thing is a bit tacky but I’d find the cheapest board game from the registry and buy that. $20-25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird I either give at the shower or the wedding, never both, is that just me?

If you’re invited to both, you give at both.

Correction: if you go to both, you give at both. I am not sending any gift to people who I barely know or don't know at all just because they sent me a courtesy invite. I had to ask parents about some as I was totally puzzled (I haven't talked to those relatives in 20 plus years and they misspelled both names and our address on the invite). My parents said not to worry, so i threw away the invite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird I either give at the shower or the wedding, never both, is that just me?

yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird I either give at the shower or the wedding, never both, is that just me?

Yes, that is just you.

Stop being rude.

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t matter if you weren’t invited to the small family/close friends ceremony. You were invited to post bbq...skip registry give $100 if you are able. If not, gift card to the joke registry and let them pick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter if you weren’t invited to the small family/close friends ceremony. You were invited to post bbq...skip registry give $100 if you are able. If not, gift card to the joke registry and let them pick.

Uh it absolutely does matter, if you create a second tier event for a “wedding” you are rude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter if you weren’t invited to the small family/close friends ceremony. You were invited to post bbq...skip registry give $100 if you are able. If not, gift card to the joke registry and let them pick.

Uh it absolutely does matter, if you create a second tier event for a “wedding” you are rude

So you’d base your gift or no gift on how a couple chooses to legally marry ? What if they decided to do a civil ceremony or elope? You wouldn’t give a gift for a post celebration because you weren’t invited to the legal portion of their marriage? That is rude. A gift is given at shower and at whatever wedding celebration they have. It’s called proper etiquette.

[Anonymous]

Give what you will not resent giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter if you weren’t invited to the small family/close friends ceremony. You were invited to post bbq...skip registry give $100 if you are able. If not, gift card to the joke registry and let them pick.

Uh it absolutely does matter, if you create a second tier event for a “wedding” you are rude

So you’d base your gift or no gift on how a couple chooses to legally marry ? What if they decided to do a civil ceremony or elope? You wouldn’t give a gift for a post celebration because you weren’t invited to the legal portion of their marriage? That is rude. A gift is given at shower and at whatever wedding celebration they have. It’s called proper etiquette.

Holy crap, yes

You elope you have forgone my gift, you didn’t want to have the whole big wedding thing, that’s the end of that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter if you weren’t invited to the small family/close friends ceremony. You were invited to post bbq...skip registry give $100 if you are able. If not, gift card to the joke registry and let them pick.

Uh it absolutely does matter, if you create a second tier event for a “wedding” you are rude

So you’d base your gift or no gift on how a couple chooses to legally marry ? What if they decided to do a civil ceremony or elope? You wouldn’t give a gift for a post celebration because you weren’t invited to the legal portion of their marriage? That is rude. A gift is given at shower and at whatever wedding celebration they have. It’s called proper etiquette.

Holy crap, yes

You elope you have forgone my gift, you didn’t want to have the whole big wedding thing, that’s the end of that

Wow...you're a real peach. The gift is in celebration of their new union amd to help set them up for their new life. It isn't quid pro quo in exchange for getting to witness the actual wedding. Either you care about the couple or you don't. Give a gift or don't. But don't withhold a gift because you feel slighted they didn't spend enough money entertaining you. Geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter if you weren’t invited to the small family/close friends ceremony. You were invited to post bbq...skip registry give $100 if you are able. If not, gift card to the joke registry and let them pick.

Uh it absolutely does matter, if you create a second tier event for a “wedding” you are rude

So you’d base your gift or no gift on how a couple chooses to legally marry ? What if they decided to do a civil ceremony or elope? You wouldn’t give a gift for a post celebration because you weren’t invited to the legal portion of their marriage? That is rude. A gift is given at shower and at whatever wedding celebration they have. It’s called proper etiquette.

Holy crap, yes

You elope you have forgone my gift, you didn’t want to have the whole big wedding thing, that’s the end of that

We eloped, sent 120 vintage maps with a big red x on the spot in Italy, (Outside) “We are here”, (inside) “We were married”, with save the date for post celebration. Included with details was, “The Only Gift is a Portion of Thyself”. Received gifts anyway...monetary gifts, sentimental/personal gifts, beautiful books of Italy, Italian recipe books, spiritual gifts, donations in our name and some just a simple card with handwritten note wishing us well and that they respected our wishes of no gifts and let’s have dinner soon. The best gift was a full Cutco flatware set in a gorgeous wood box with plaque, “Just because we weren’t there, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen”. This says it all! They were not there, but they celebrated our choice with acknowledgement and a very personal and unique gift. It’s on display in our kitchen and 17 years later, remains a conversation piece when we have company. How we chose to be married was an event for everyone post celebration, we had a short video viewing of bits of ceremony, getting into a dingy in my wedding dress to reach private island, our witnesses Francesco, Francesca, Roberto (prime ministers secretary lol), Roberto (priest who left church to marry Francesca). Was absolutely hilarious! Our guests had such a carefree and fun time in a NYC loft overlooking Twin Towers, 2 months before 9-11 Still so bittersweet for all of us and we talk about it often.