How much to give for “wedding bbq”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter if you weren’t invited to the small family/close friends ceremony. You were invited to post bbq...skip registry give $100 if you are able. If not, gift card to the joke registry and let them pick.

Uh it absolutely does matter, if you create a second tier event for a “wedding” you are rude

So you’d base your gift or no gift on how a couple chooses to legally marry ? What if they decided to do a civil ceremony or elope? You wouldn’t give a gift for a post celebration because you weren’t invited to the legal portion of their marriage? That is rude. A gift is given at shower and at whatever wedding celebration they have. It’s called proper etiquette.

Holy crap, yes

You elope you have forgone my gift, you didn’t want to have the whole big wedding thing, that’s the end of that

Wow...you're a real peach. The gift is in celebration of their new union amd to help set them up for their new life. It isn't quid pro quo in exchange for getting to witness the actual wedding. Either you care about the couple or you don't. Give a gift or don't. But don't withhold a gift because you feel slighted they didn't spend enough money entertaining you. Geez.

If the couple cares about friends and family acknowledging their happy union they will have a real wedding. If it’s all about their ultra romantic private elopement, they’ve decided it has nothing to do with me. So be it.

+1

I truly don't care if a couple chooses a big wedding or to elope, but if I'm not invited, I'm not sending a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend has a city hall ceremony and a simple brunch for family and close friends. I still gave her $500. She is one of my closest friends.

So...you were invited and sent a gift? No one is objecting to sending a gift for a small wedding. People are objecting to a couple considering a person "not close enough" to warrant an invite, but still expecting a gift from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend has a city hall ceremony and a simple brunch for family and close friends. I still gave her $500. She is one of my closest friends.

Can people really not see the difference? They HAD a wedding and reception! OP was not invited, though she was invited to a shower (first gift grab). This is a SECOND gift grab. You know that because they enclosed registry cards (also tacky).

[Anonymous]

Since you weren't invited to the wedding, the one gift is perfectly adequate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird I either give at the shower or the wedding, never both, is that just me?

Yes, that's just you.

They're two separate (though related) events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter if you weren’t invited to the small family/close friends ceremony. You were invited to post bbq...skip registry give $100 if you are able. If not, gift card to the joke registry and let them pick.

This is OP sand I should correct. They had the wedding last month, and they had a corosponding reception afterwards for that wedding. With just those invited. This is a wholly separate bbq celebration.

So then, no. No gift. I mean bring a hostess gift - a bottle of wine or cute little whatever, but I would not bring a wedding gift if you were not invited to the wedding or the reception and this is not the reception.