How much to give for “wedding bbq”?

[Anonymous]

We have a family friend who recently got married in a small, family-only ceremony. There was a shower beforehand in which the bride had registered a couple places. I sent a gift around $75. Now we have received an invite to a “BBQ to celebrate the couple”, hosted by her parents. Included in the invite is another registry card, different from the shower registries. I won’t be selecting anything from this registry as most of the items seem like jokes (poker tablecloth, board games, sports-themed beach towels, Yeti cooler), so I will be gifting cash. Not sure the dollar amount for something like this. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

You already sent a gift. No cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You already sent a gift. No cash.

So no monetary gift, like you’d give at an actual wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You already sent a gift. No cash.

So no monetary gift, like you’d give at an actual wedding?

No.

Don't be tacky OP like that poster.

What would you give this friend if she had her reception at the country club or a fancy hotel?

Give her that amount.

Only poorly mannered snobs give less money because someone is having a smaller or poorer wedding.

Give a gift that reflects your relationship to the person.

The simple celebration is irrelevant to the gift amount.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You already sent a gift. No cash.

So no monetary gift, like you’d give at an actual wedding?

No.

Don't be tacky OP like that poster.

What would you give this friend if she had her reception at the country club or a fancy hotel?

Give her that amount.

Only poorly mannered snobs give less money because someone is having a smaller or poorer wedding.

Give a gift that reflects your relationship to the person.

The simple celebration is irrelevant to the gift amount.

OP wasn't invited to the wedding. I would otherwise agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a family friend who recently got married in a small, family-only ceremony. There was a shower beforehand in which the bride had registered a couple places. I sent a gift around $75. Now we have received an invite to a “BBQ to celebrate the couple”, hosted by her parents. Included in the invite is another registry card, different from the shower registries. I won’t be selecting anything from this registry as most of the items seem like jokes (poker tablecloth, board games, sports-themed beach towels, Yeti cooler), so I will be gifting cash. Not sure the dollar amount for something like this. Thoughts?

Wait, you were invited to the shower and gave a gift, but were not invited to the ceremony? That is tacky.

They had the wedding they could afford and received gifts accordingly. Presumably, you were not the only person invited to the shower and not the wedding. This BBQ to "celebrate the couple" just seems like another way to get more gifts from the people that were not invited to the wedding. Double tacky.

[Anonymous]

Why not get something off the registry (a game)? Sounds like it would be cheaper than cash.

[Anonymous]

Give them a nice photo frame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a family friend who recently got married in a small, family-only ceremony. There was a shower beforehand in which the bride had registered a couple places. I sent a gift around $75. Now we have received an invite to a “BBQ to celebrate the couple”, hosted by her parents. Included in the invite is another registry card, different from the shower registries. I won’t be selecting anything from this registry as most of the items seem like jokes (poker tablecloth, board games, sports-themed beach towels, Yeti cooler), so I will be gifting cash. Not sure the dollar amount for something like this. Thoughts?

Wait, you were invited to the shower and gave a gift, but were not invited to the ceremony? That is tacky.

They had the wedding they could afford and received gifts accordingly. Presumably, you were not the only person invited to the shower and not the wedding. This BBQ to "celebrate the couple" just seems like another way to get more gifts from the people that were not invited to the wedding. Double tacky.

I agree! OP, give a small gift off the registry if you want to and if you are attending the bbq. Do not give cash. This guy sounds like my brother and I’m embarrassed for my parents at the whole situation. Do not encourage people like this or make them think this behavior is normal or ok.

[Anonymous]

I'd give $50 - $100, depending on how close I was to the couple.

[Anonymous]

Weird I either give at the shower or the wedding, never both, is that just me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You already sent a gift. No cash.

So no monetary gift, like you’d give at an actual wedding?

No.

Don't be tacky OP like that poster.

What would you give this friend if she had her reception at the country club or a fancy hotel?

Give her that amount.

Only poorly mannered snobs give less money because someone is having a smaller or poorer wedding.

Give a gift that reflects your relationship to the person.

The simple celebration is irrelevant to the gift amount.

But it’s not a wedding. They got married in a different context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird I either give at the shower or the wedding, never both, is that just me?

That's weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You already sent a gift. No cash.

So no monetary gift, like you’d give at an actual wedding?

No.

Don't be tacky OP like that poster.

What would you give this friend if she had her reception at the country club or a fancy hotel?

Give her that amount.

Only poorly mannered snobs give less money because someone is having a smaller or poorer wedding.

Give a gift that reflects your relationship to the person.

The simple celebration is irrelevant to the gift amount.

But it’s not a wedding. They got married in a different context.

The wedding was with family only. This is the reception. I'd give a gift. Maybe smaller than I would for a full-blown church wedding and traditional reception, but I'd still give something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird I either give at the shower or the wedding, never both, is that just me?

If you’re invited to both, you give at both.