At a Conference-- How Do I Get This Hound of a Married Guy to Back Off

[Anonymous]

"My boyfriend says he sees that all the time. He's a cop in suburb X..."

Also, talk about kids. A lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear... I'm not gonna sleep with you. So let's get a drink.

Works every time, they lay off but feel like a puss if they don't have a drink with you.

If he’s a client, then this is fine. But since he’s a colleague she doesn’t need to network with, then there’s no need to offer to go out for drinks.

You don't have a relationship with your own colleagues?

Political intelligence is the #1 way to get things done at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear... I'm not gonna sleep with you. So let's get a drink.

Works every time, they lay off but feel like a puss if they don't have a drink with you.

If he’s a client, then this is fine. But since he’s a colleague she doesn’t need to network with, then there’s no need to offer to go out for drinks.

You don't have a relationship with your own colleagues?

Political intelligence is the #1 way to get things done at work.

Just out of curiosity, are you a guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear... I'm not gonna sleep with you. So let's get a drink.

Works every time, they lay off but feel like a puss if they don't have a drink with you.

Right...because it’s her job to manage his feelings. That’s exactly she should be spending her time.

This is not managing his feeling.

This is called being clear with your intentions.

Hey I'm not sleeping with you, but lets get a drink and talk business. If you say "hey im not sleeping with you" you lose a client. If you say, hey im not sleeping with you let's get a drink, he knows you are not putting up with shit but you still intent to conduct business.

"when I say drink with you" I acutally mean have drink and talk business like men do all the time.

Do you even work?

Do you even work? Who in their right mind says “Hey I’m not going to sleep with you...” to a work colleague? Totally inappropriate. He may be trying to monopolize her time or her in her pants but until he makes a move that is not acceptable to say. You need to brush up on your nuance, tact and social skills.

Unfortunately women have to say it all the time. I am just up front with men that are trying to sleep with me. Not interested, it the most appropriate response. Actually, HR will not ever listen to you if you have not made it clear that advances are not welcome.

BTW honey, you might think you are soooo interesting that a married man is monopolizing your time at a conference, your not, he has something else in mind.

I don't see anything that makes me think OP believes she is sooo interesting. As a woman who has dealt with this before, it feels like being harassed, nothing to do with having a big head and thinking you're amazing. It's a super sh*tty feeling and when work is involved, even more complicated because you don't want to be professionally impacted by not being "nice." Unless your a whackjob, this kind of attention doesn't make you feel good. It's made me feel vulnerable, frustrated, and angry that I had to deal with this crap instead of focusing on networking and business. You must be one of these guys who thinks women should be flattered because when they're catcalled. Gross.

Op here, I covered me knowing what he’s up to in my first post! I’m under no illusion that I am interesting. What’s pissing me off is that he seems to be intentionally hovering when other males are nearby to give an appearance of something that is not. Day 2 of the conference is tomorrow, being flat out rude is on my agenda.

It's the only way to deal with men like this. You have to just be abrupt, but then say, he but we can work together. The thing is guys do this to multiple women and they will just move on to their next victim. Unless hsi is Havey Weistein there is usually no backlash from just saying, not interested in a assertive way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Op here, I covered me knowing what he’s up to in my first post! I’m under no illusion that I am interesting. What’s pissing me off is that he seems to be intentionally hovering when other males are nearby to give an appearance of something that is not. Day 2 of the conference is tomorrow, being flat out rude is on my agenda.

Glad to hear. Let us know how it goes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear... I'm not gonna sleep with you. So let's get a drink.

Works every time, they lay off but feel like a puss if they don't have a drink with you.

If he’s a client, then this is fine. But since he’s a colleague she doesn’t need to network with, then there’s no need to offer to go out for drinks.

You don't have a relationship with your own colleagues?

Political intelligence is the #1 way to get things done at work.

Just out of curiosity, are you a guy.

No.

The last time I was hit on at a conference I just said, "You are 35, I am 48, you are married to a doctor, this thing you are trying to make happen, not happening. But I have more connections that you so, let me introduce you to Joe, head of marketing at <fill in blank of company>"

Be direct, don't make it personal, then show them you are still doing business with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear... I'm not gonna sleep with you. So let's get a drink.

Works every time, they lay off but feel like a puss if they don't have a drink with you.

If he’s a client, then this is fine. But since he’s a colleague she doesn’t need to network with, then there’s no need to offer to go out for drinks.

You don't have a relationship with your own colleagues?

Political intelligence is the #1 way to get things done at work.

Just out of curiosity, are you a guy.

No.

The last time I was hit on at a conference I just said, "You are 35, I am 48, you are married to a doctor, this thing you are trying to make happen, not happening. But I have more connections that you so, let me introduce you to Joe, head of marketing at <fill in blank of company>"

Be direct, don't make it personal, then show them you are still doing business with them.

35 hitting on a 48 ur old woman? Not happening!!

[Anonymous]

I use boredom and indifference before I go to rude. There is a lot of space between nice and rude.

Usually acting completely disinterested works.

[Anonymous]

Every time he approaches, excuse yourself to the bathroom. He will get that hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear... I'm not gonna sleep with you. So let's get a drink.

Works every time, they lay off but feel like a puss if they don't have a drink with you.

If he’s a client, then this is fine. But since he’s a colleague she doesn’t need to network with, then there’s no need to offer to go out for drinks.

You don't have a relationship with your own colleagues?

Political intelligence is the #1 way to get things done at work.

Just out of curiosity, are you a guy.

No.

The last time I was hit on at a conference I just said, "You are 35, I am 48, you are married to a doctor, this thing you are trying to make happen, not happening. But I have more connections that you so, let me introduce you to Joe, head of marketing at <fill in blank of company>"

Be direct, don't make it personal, then show them you are still doing business with them.

35 hitting on a 48 ur old woman? Not happening!!

35 year old MARRIED TO A DOCTOR. I know I couldn't believe it either.

What happens to men that go to a conference. Anyway, set him straight and now we have not problem together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time he approaches, excuse yourself to the bathroom. He will get that hint.

I agree with this, plus keep excusing yourself to do other things. Hey, nice to see you again! I need a drink, catch you later! Then don’t go back.

Hey, nice to see you again! Oh, I need to go talk to someone. See you later!

Cheery, ignorant, and always leaving.

Rinse and repeat ad nauseum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I use boredom and indifference before I go to rude. There is a lot of space between nice and rude.

Usually acting completely disinterested works.

This is good advice. Also, grab a friend to help get rid of him, if necessary to suggest "Dude, you are stalking her" which should make him uncomfortable. When he approaches next time, leave the group immediately. If he doesn't grab those hints, then rudeness is next: "Jim, you're hovering around me is giving me the "no" feeling"

[Anonymous]

This will only stop when men tell other men that it’s unacceptable. Unfortunately, men don’t seem to be motivated to speak up by seeing a woman growing increasingly uncomfortable and distracted from the work she cane to do. Maybe they need to fear that there will be career or legal consequences for their coworker or buddy?

[Anonymous]

" i really hate it when the herpes flares!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:" i really hate it when the herpes flares!"

A woman at a conference told me that, but then propositioned me later after several drinks. Thankfully, I had a good memory of the earlier part of the evening or I would have gone for it.