At a Conference-- How Do I Get This Hound of a Married Guy to Back Off

[Anonymous]

“Hey, I’m going to go talk to some other folks. Enjoy the rest of the conference!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We aren't colleagues, but we work at sister companies, so I know I will have to interact with him professionally post conference. He keeps trying to monopolize my time because I think he thinks he's going to get some action. I find him gross (he's 15 years older), but I think he's either intentionally reading my niceness wrong or just dense. I really want to be left alone so I can network with others, but he keeps finding me.

Stop with the niceness. Just tell him he’s taking up too much of your time. Say it with a straight face and don’t giggle nervously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear... I'm not gonna sleep with you. So let's get a drink.

Works every time, they lay off but feel like a puss if they don't have a drink with you.

If he’s a client, then this is fine. But since he’s a colleague she doesn’t need to network with, then there’s no need to offer to go out for drinks.

[Anonymous]

Ask about his wife. A lot. Ask to see pictures of his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear... I'm not gonna sleep with you. So let's get a drink.

Works every time, they lay off but feel like a puss if they don't have a drink with you.

Right...because it’s her job to manage his feelings. That’s exactly she should be spending her time.

This is not managing his feeling.

This is called being clear with your intentions.

Hey I'm not sleeping with you, but lets get a drink and talk business. If you say "hey im not sleeping with you" you lose a client. If you say, hey im not sleeping with you let's get a drink, he knows you are not putting up with shit but you still intent to conduct business.

"when I say drink with you" I acutally mean have drink and talk business like men do all the time.

Do you even work?

Do you even work? Who in their right mind says “Hey I’m not going to sleep with you...” to a work colleague? Totally inappropriate. He may be trying to monopolize her time or her in her pants but until he makes a move that is not acceptable to say. You need to brush up on your nuance, tact and social skills.

Unfortunately women have to say it all the time. I am just up front with men that are trying to sleep with me. Not interested, it the most appropriate response. Actually, HR will not ever listen to you if you have not made it clear that advances are not welcome.

BTW honey, you might think you are soooo interesting that a married man is monopolizing your time at a conference, your not, he has something else in mind.

I don't see anything that makes me think OP believes she is sooo interesting. As a woman who has dealt with this before, it feels like being harassed, nothing to do with having a big head and thinking you're amazing. It's a super sh*tty feeling and when work is involved, even more complicated because you don't want to be professionally impacted by not being "nice." Unless your a whackjob, this kind of attention doesn't make you feel good. It's made me feel vulnerable, frustrated, and angry that I had to deal with this crap instead of focusing on networking and business. You must be one of these guys who thinks women should be flattered because when they're catcalled. Gross.

[Anonymous]

*you're

[Anonymous]

You need an ally that can help you run interference. It doesn't matter if it's a male or female. That's why friends are for at these conferences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Bob, it’s important that I make connections with other colleagues. From this point forward, I’m going to ask that you not approach me if we find ourselves in the same area. Thanks and enjoy the rest of the conference.”

Then walk away.

Lemme guess, PP....you're an account who never has to network or interact with actual people without offending them?

Terrible advice.

[Anonymous]

^ accountant

[Anonymous]

“It’s nice to have a guy, like yourself, at a conference who just wants to be my professional colleague. I can’t tell you how many times married guys embarrass themselves at these things trying to sleep with women who aren’t interested. I’m so glad you aren’t like that Bob. Restoring my faith in men-kind”

Only works if you act sincere and keep the sarcasm out. Only roll your eyes on the inside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear... I'm not gonna sleep with you. So let's get a drink.

Works every time, they lay off but feel like a puss if they don't have a drink with you.

Right...because it’s her job to manage his feelings. That’s exactly she should be spending her time.

This is not managing his feeling.

This is called being clear with your intentions.

Hey I'm not sleeping with you, but lets get a drink and talk business. If you say "hey im not sleeping with you" you lose a client. If you say, hey im not sleeping with you let's get a drink, he knows you are not putting up with shit but you still intent to conduct business.

"when I say drink with you" I acutally mean have drink and talk business like men do all the time.

Do you even work?

Do you even work? Who in their right mind says “Hey I’m not going to sleep with you...” to a work colleague? Totally inappropriate. He may be trying to monopolize her time or her in her pants but until he makes a move that is not acceptable to say. You need to brush up on your nuance, tact and social skills.

Unfortunately women have to say it all the time. I am just up front with men that are trying to sleep with me. Not interested, it the most appropriate response. Actually, HR will not ever listen to you if you have not made it clear that advances are not welcome.

BTW honey, you might think you are soooo interesting that a married man is monopolizing your time at a conference, your not, he has something else in mind.

I don't see anything that makes me think OP believes she is sooo interesting. As a woman who has dealt with this before, it feels like being harassed, nothing to do with having a big head and thinking you're amazing. It's a super sh*tty feeling and when work is involved, even more complicated because you don't want to be professionally impacted by not being "nice." Unless your a whackjob, this kind of attention doesn't make you feel good. It's made me feel vulnerable, frustrated, and angry that I had to deal with this crap instead of focusing on networking and business. You must be one of these guys who thinks women should be flattered because when they're catcalled. Gross.

Op here, I covered me knowing what he’s up to in my first post! I’m under no illusion that I am interesting. What’s pissing me off is that he seems to be intentionally hovering when other males are nearby to give an appearance of something that is not. Day 2 of the conference is tomorrow, being flat out rude is on my agenda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear... I'm not gonna sleep with you. So let's get a drink.

Works every time, they lay off but feel like a puss if they don't have a drink with you.

Right...because it’s her job to manage his feelings. That’s exactly she should be spending her time.

This is not managing his feeling.

This is called being clear with your intentions.

Hey I'm not sleeping with you, but lets get a drink and talk business. If you say "hey im not sleeping with you" you lose a client. If you say, hey im not sleeping with you let's get a drink, he knows you are not putting up with shit but you still intent to conduct business.

"when I say drink with you" I acutally mean have drink and talk business like men do all the time.

Do you even work?

Do you even work? Who in their right mind says “Hey I’m not going to sleep with you...” to a work colleague? Totally inappropriate. He may be trying to monopolize her time or her in her pants but until he makes a move that is not acceptable to say. You need to brush up on your nuance, tact and social skills.

Unfortunately women have to say it all the time. I am just up front with men that are trying to sleep with me. Not interested, it the most appropriate response. Actually, HR will not ever listen to you if you have not made it clear that advances are not welcome.

BTW honey, you might think you are soooo interesting that a married man is monopolizing your time at a conference, your not, he has something else in mind.

I don't see anything that makes me think OP believes she is sooo interesting. As a woman who has dealt with this before, it feels like being harassed, nothing to do with having a big head and thinking you're amazing. It's a super sh*tty feeling and when work is involved, even more complicated because you don't want to be professionally impacted by not being "nice." Unless your a whackjob, this kind of attention doesn't make you feel good. It's made me feel vulnerable, frustrated, and angry that I had to deal with this crap instead of focusing on networking and business. You must be one of these guys who thinks women should be flattered because when they're catcalled. Gross.

Op here, I covered me knowing what he’s up to in my first post! I’m under no illusion that I am interesting. What’s pissing me off is that he seems to be intentionally hovering when other males are nearby to give an appearance of something that is not. Day 2 of the conference is tomorrow, being flat out rude is on my agenda.

PP here who wrote the above. Flat out rude is fine at this point. If he doesn't pick up on the more polite, "it's been nice seeing you at the conference, I need to move on and network a bit more now, but maybe see you at the next one" doesn't work, go for it.

[Anonymous]

Classic case of making things complicated by not being clear.

Just tell him, politely but firmly, that you feel that he is being inappropriate by constantly bothering you and to please leave you alone. You don’t have to say that you think he wants you sexually (which he will deny). Just state the facts, like he keeps talking to you and bothering you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Bob, it’s important that I make connections with other colleagues. From this point forward, I’m going to ask that you not approach me if we find ourselves in the same area. Thanks and enjoy the rest of the conference.”

Then walk away.

Lemme guess, PP....you're an account who never has to network or interact with actual people without offending them?

Terrible advice.

Actually it’s great advice. It’s straightforward. OP stated that he’s just not getting it. She’s NOT interested in networking with him HIM. He is continuing to bother her despite signals to stop.
Lemme guess PP, you must be the jerk who’s bothering her.

[Anonymous]

Only offer an hj and say that's it.