At a Conference-- How Do I Get This Hound of a Married Guy to Back Off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I use boredom and indifference before I go to rude. There is a lot of space between nice and rude.

Usually acting completely disinterested works.

This is good advice. Also, grab a friend to help get rid of him, if necessary to suggest "Dude, you are stalking her" which should make him uncomfortable. When he approaches next time, leave the group immediately. If he doesn't grab those hints, then rudeness is next: "Jim, you're hovering around me is giving me the "no" feeling"

This is very high school.

[Anonymous]

Tell as many women as you can and security that this guy is bothering you. They will help keep him away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We aren't colleagues, but we work at sister companies, so I know I will have to interact with him professionally post conference. He keeps trying to monopolize my time because I think he thinks he's going to get some action. I find him gross (he's 15 years older), but I think he's either intentionally reading my niceness wrong or just dense. I really want to be left alone so I can network with others, but he keeps finding me.

Right because 15 yrs older is totally gross You must be really young. Stop saying "get some action"... act like an adult and tell him your aren't interested but its been nice to meet him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren't colleagues, but we work at sister companies, so I know I will have to interact with him professionally post conference. He keeps trying to monopolize my time because I think he thinks he's going to get some action. I find him gross (he's 15 years older), but I think he's either intentionally reading my niceness wrong or just dense. I really want to be left alone so I can network with others, but he keeps finding me.

Right because 15 yrs older is totally gross You must be really young. Stop saying "get some action"... act like an adult and tell him your aren't interested but its been nice to meet him.

+1 or simply tell him you've enjoyed your conversation but he's starting to make you uncomfortable. You will have to be firm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren't colleagues, but we work at sister companies, so I know I will have to interact with him professionally post conference. He keeps trying to monopolize my time because I think he thinks he's going to get some action. I find him gross (he's 15 years older), but I think he's either intentionally reading my niceness wrong or just dense. I really want to be left alone so I can network with others, but he keeps finding me.

Right because 15 yrs older is totally gross You must be really young. Stop saying "get some action"... act like an adult and tell him your aren't interested but its been nice to meet him.

I'm not PP but 15 yo is gross unless you have daddy issues.

Old dudes need to need to stay in their lane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This will only stop when men tell other men that it’s unacceptable. Unfortunately, men don’t seem to be motivated to speak up by seeing a woman growing increasingly uncomfortable and distracted from the work she cane to do. Maybe they need to fear that there will be career or legal consequences for their coworker or buddy?

Men need to fight women’s battles for them and protect them

-Feminism, 2018

[Anonymous]

This is what has worked for me in situations where I can't afford to be directly hostile/rejecting: make him feel uncomfortable and annoyed. See him coming over? Whip out your phone. Scroll through texts, emails slowly. If he speaks, answer each question with "Huh? Sorry, I wasn't listening" and "Mmmhmm' in situations where he's clearly looking for a response. Make it clear you weren't listening and he's not getting your attention. Over and over. Eventually he will get mad, but if he calls you out, you can tell him it's work related (after your normal "huh, sorry, what?" These guys are thinking they can charm you/wear you down eventually. They all go away when they realize you're blatantly not going to listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This will only stop when men tell other men that it’s unacceptable. Unfortunately, men don’t seem to be motivated to speak up by seeing a woman growing increasingly uncomfortable and distracted from the work she cane to do. Maybe they need to fear that there will be career or legal consequences for their coworker or buddy?

Men need to fight women’s battles for them and protect them

-Feminism, 2018

No, but women face far more personal safety and career risk than another male would from saying “Lay off, Buddy. She said no.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This will only stop when men tell other men that it’s unacceptable. Unfortunately, men don’t seem to be motivated to speak up by seeing a woman growing increasingly uncomfortable and distracted from the work she cane to do. Maybe they need to fear that there will be career or legal consequences for their coworker or buddy?

Men need to fight women’s battles for them and protect them

-Feminism, 2018

No, but women face far more personal safety and career risk than another male would from saying “Lay off, Buddy. She said no.”

Not true. A man who pulled that would almost certainly face serious repercussions. The idea that men can easily "correct" each other without any fear is a myth.

[Anonymous]

Op here, day 2 has just concluded and it was much, much better! He still hovered a bit, but I believe he played hooky during many of the sessions because I barely saw him. Maybe he found someone to bang. All good wishes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This will only stop when men tell other men that it’s unacceptable. Unfortunately, men don’t seem to be motivated to speak up by seeing a woman growing increasingly uncomfortable and distracted from the work she cane to do. Maybe they need to fear that there will be career or legal consequences for their coworker or buddy?

Men need to fight women’s battles for them and protect them

-Feminism, 2018

No, but women face far more personal safety and career risk than another male would from saying “Lay off, Buddy. She said no.”

Not true. A man who pulled that would almost certainly face serious repercussions. The idea that men can easily "correct" each other without any fear is a myth.

Because men value their impunity to harass women.

[Anonymous]

I attend a lot of conferences so I've been hit on a few times. I just talk about my husband and my kids ad nauseum until the jerk finally gets the message. If it's in the evening I just say it's time for me to call home. Years ago I remember one guy saying that "he wanted to give me pleasure" and I almost barfed on him he made me so sick.

[Anonymous]

This will only stop when men tell other men that it’s unacceptable. Unfortunately, men don’t seem to be motivated to speak up by seeing a woman growing increasingly uncomfortable and distracted from the work she cane to do. Maybe they need to fear that there will be career or legal consequences for their coworker or buddy?

Riiight, as if we’re f’ing mind readers who a) know that something the woman doesn’t like has been said, and b) she wants a knight to rescue her. Unless there is a potential for physical violence or something like that, she wants to be left alone. My female friends don’t want to be rescued. Women write on this forum how they wish to be left alone in public.

Expecting other people to read your mind and intervene when you want but other women may not is childish. It is incumbent on you to explicitly articulate your desire to be left alone. Then, other people can jump in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, day 2 has just concluded and it was much, much better! He still hovered a bit, but I believe he played hooky during many of the sessions because I barely saw him. Maybe he found someone to bang. All good wishes!

Or maybe he reads DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This will only stop when men tell other men that it’s unacceptable. Unfortunately, men don’t seem to be motivated to speak up by seeing a woman growing increasingly uncomfortable and distracted from the work she cane to do. Maybe they need to fear that there will be career or legal consequences for their coworker or buddy?

Riiight, as if we’re f’ing mind readers who a) know that something the woman doesn’t like has been said, and b) she wants a knight to rescue her. Unless there is a potential for physical violence or something like that, she wants to be left alone. My female friends don’t want to be rescued. Women write on this forum how they wish to be left alone in public.

Expecting other people to read your mind and intervene when you want but other women may not is childish. It is incumbent on you to explicitly articulate your desire to be left alone. Then, other people can jump in.

+1
A woman