Hosting step-grandson for two weeks- how to deal with food fussiness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Said no one ever: “Let’s go out for German food!”

Ah yes, German food in the summertime. What every American teenager craves!

Maaaaaybe in Pennsylvania, around Oktoberfest, would I look forward to a German meal; and I say that as someone who is half-German, half-Irish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former, picky eater here- heavy handed tactics don't work. It's the smell, texture, flavor of veggies or certain foods-- some kids can't abide it, and react more strongly. At twelve, I would sit and starve before eating a cooked carrot.
Sensory issues and inflexibility will calm down when they are adults as long as it's not linked to a lot of bad memories of being told to "clean their plate" or going hungry because the smell of cooked broccoli is overwhelming.
Introducing food to try without pressure or embarrassment works great. I was around twelve when I realized that food could be mixed up in a burrito and taste great- it was a no pressure family dinner at a Mexican restaurant. No one cared whether I ate my burrito or not.

Thanks for this. This has basically been our approach and gives me hope for my one picky eater, age 12.

pp here- I eat everything now. I noticed when I got into late teens and early twenties that I no longer liked heavily processed "fast food" and as a grad student I was lucky enough to move to a foodie town.

My DS explained to me that food that tastes great to an adult (olives, savory veggies) may be overwhelming to young taste buds. He's a young scientist- not as picky as I was but not a vegetable fan. The good news with him- we didn't push very hard and he ate half a salad a few weeks ago (kale!) and said he would be willing to eat it again if it showed up at dinner.

Linking good food to bad memories will cause food aversions. I liked simple foods as a kid that grandma made from scratch- fried chicken, baked ham, scrambled eggs, rolls, potatoes, sometimes green beans if she added bacon.

[Anonymous]

He will never ever want to stay at grandma's ever again. Mark my words. Pick your battles grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He will never ever want to stay at grandma's ever again. Mark my words. Pick your battles grandma.

Please.

Read the OP.

STEPgrandma. The kid is not a grandchild. He is simply a "Step"

I think your first sentence is the end goal here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He will never ever want to stay at grandma's ever again. Mark my words. Pick your battles grandma.

Make that STEPGrandma.

As in, "Step away, 'Grandma,' and let the real family take the lead here."

[Anonymous]

Calm down OP. Enjoy the time with the kid and don’t worry about what he eats. If he doesn’t want what you serve don’t make a big about it. He can either go to bed hungry or he can heat up a pizza. Big deal. Don’t argue over this.

[Anonymous]

If I were the parents I’m not sure I’d want my kid staying with you at all. What other kinds of judgements will you be making on this child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Said no one ever: “Let’s go out for German food!”

+100 We lived in Germany for four years. Worst food I've ever had anywhere. And we have lived all over the world. It's not just German food. Germans are notoriously bad cooks no matter what they cook.

I’m the PP who mentioned going to Germany and not seeing a vegetable for weeks.

DH is German. We met in our late 20s. He had never eaten broccoli, or many other vegetables. I could count on one hand the total “different” foods he would eat (and I don’t count 4 kinds of sausage or different schnitzel types of meat covered in gravy as different foods). Years later, his parents looked quite suspiciously at acorn squash when I made it for dinner.

His parents cook well, but its all a very common preparation, whether fish/pork/beef, and very simply spiced. Always potatoes or spätzle. Maybe a basic green salad, served with of course, Salata vinegar. They about blew a gasket the time I served quinoa and neither potatoes or spätzle. While willing to “try”, these aren’t about to become normalized additoins for them.

Don’t get me wrong - German good is amazing in Germany, where the ingredients are fresh and it’s made literally to serve. The experience is well worth the visit. Getting “spargel” (white asparagus) in season is a revelation. But OP is also being a PITA, mostly because it’s not her actual grandson. Yes, many German children wouldn’t talk back about the food on their plates, but most German children aren’t being faced with what I suspect OP is thinking to serve.

[Anonymous]

What happened to spoiling the grandkids? The grandparents in my family are notorious spoilers! They want the kids to love being around so they don’t make them eat anything they don’t like. I have to beg them not to cook to order (and they pretend to go along and cook to order when I leave).

You do not want this kid around.

[Anonymous]

OP please just make the best of it. I say this as someone who hates food fussiness also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happened to spoiling the grandkids? The grandparents in my family are notorious spoilers! They want the kids to love being around so they don’t make them eat anything they don’t like. I have to beg them not to cook to order (and they pretend to go along and cook to order when I leave).

You do not want this kid around.

But it’s not her grandkid. It’s her STEP grandkid.

Aka, the kid I don’t want to cater to for two weeks, and I’m going to make it obvious.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m slagging on you about th step grandparent distinction, because I think it says a lot about your desires and expectations.

DHs parents, for example are “natural” grandparents, but they have very different views in how they treat the grandchildren. One is more permissive than the other.

If I sent our picky kids there, I would fully expect that they will be fed pizza half the time, have to pick vegetables out half the time, but will be full all the time and happy coming back from a visit with their grandparents.

[Anonymous]

OP, come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former, picky eater here- heavy handed tactics don't work. It's the smell, texture, flavor of veggies or certain foods-- some kids can't abide it, and react more strongly. At twelve, I would sit and starve before eating a cooked carrot.
Sensory issues and inflexibility will calm down when they are adults as long as it's not linked to a lot of bad memories of being told to "clean their plate" or going hungry because the smell of cooked broccoli is overwhelming.
Introducing food to try without pressure or embarrassment works great. I was around twelve when I realized that food could be mixed up in a burrito and taste great- it was a no pressure family dinner at a Mexican restaurant. No one cared whether I ate my burrito or not.

Thanks for this. This has basically been our approach and gives me hope for my one picky eater, age 12.

+1. This is the right approach. I have a below the 5th percentile in BMI, sensory issues, will starve herself to death rather than eat, has been evaluated by CMC kid. And yet my mother acts like OP and eyeballs veggies not eaten and pressures for a clean plate. DD now is too anxious to visit the grandparents without us, because the fussing about food and pressure to eat when she doesn’t want to. So she has panic attacks at meals. It has ruined her relationship with her grandparents.

Here is what the other grandparents do and what we do at home: take her to the grocery store and let her pick out food she likes, mostly healthy, some junk. We end up with grilled chicken , cheese/cheese sticks, quesidillas, sliced turkey, wheat bread, apple and carrot sticks, oranges, goldfish, granola bars, yogurt, milk. With these foods, we have a kid fed for a week. When she is hungry she eats her food— she really needs the calories. At mealtimes, if she does not like what the family is eating, she makes what she wants— often a turkey and cheese sandwich and carrot sticks or a cheese and chicken quesadilla. Her grandma makes her French toast for breakfast, which she loves.

You can work with the kid or against him OP.

Plus, my parents are divorced, so my kids have stepgrandparents. You may emphasize the STEP part, but most kids just see grandparents. They don’t have the whole complicated backstory. Three sets of “real grandparents” is their view on how things have always been. If you make his visit uncomfortable, you will drive him away OP. Which might be fine with you. But you would also drive him away from your husband, who seems to want a relationship with him. If you”win” and the kid is miserable and never comes back, have you really won if you messed this up for your DH and he resents you for it? If you can’t find love and respect for the kid, at least try to find some for your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my grandparents had behaved as you intend to when I was young, it would have been the last time I stayed with them.

Which, maybe, is your goal.

Time with grandparents should be fun and special and spoiling, especially if you don't see him often. Feed him things he'll like, or he will do his best not to return.

+1
My siblings and I were somewhat picky eaters as kids. We would spend summers with both sets of grandparents. They would ask our parents what we liked to eat and then always have those foods available. My grandmas would then make a game of introducing one new food at each meal, without any pressure. We could eat it or not. Don't make it so hard on this boy.