I only want to go if they pay...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say you already have plans. If my in-laws wanted to pay I would still say no to a cruise.

I wish I could figure out a way to do that. We went on a cruise 2 years ago with my inlaws (3 generations). When it was over, spouse and I agreed that we didn't enjoy it, and we wouldn't go on another cruise. We even suggested alternatives for whole family vacations (not that I'm thrilled about that, but they're getting older, it's good for the cousins to see each other, etc., and it makes my spouse and kids happy).

Guess what's being planned for next summer? Apparently our (my) idea was discarded because of transparently bullshit reasons, so a cruise it is. And yes, I could refuse, but then I'm the villain - the inlaw who is a prima dona, and keeps the whole family from getting together, or doing what everyone wants. And yes, they pay for it, so I can't use that as an excuse. And no, I don't hate them - I like all of them, actually, but I detest cruises, and I don't like the forced togetherness they expect. The thing that kills me is that with the money they spend, we could do something awesome. I mean, this isn't some interior cabin on sale on Carnival - we're talking suites on special decks (I have no idea what they're called) for a preposterous amount of money. We could go to Europe, or South America, or somewhere spectacular in the US, for the same amount of money. But no, for reasons about which I'm not fully clear my B/SIL don't want to get passports for their kids, so we're stuck on a floating germ factory.

I am seriously considering manufacturing a work emergency.

[Anonymous]

Just tell them what you told us in your OP. You are saving for a trip to Europe. This gives them the opportunity to offer all or part of the cost. I also think there's a great benefit in grandparent-grandchild bond but prefer to do ours in at cabin or beach and at sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with “It’s not in the budget.”

That gives them an in and you an out.

The problem with this is that they'll get their feelings hurt when OP and her family go to Europe instead.

If she says, "we're saving for a trip to Europe," then in-laws can offer to pay for Disney, offer to got to Europe with them instead, or come up with another plan. The truth is generally your best bet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what my parents do - say they are dying to go on a family vacation and then pick something that interests them and is often inconvenient for others, then expect us to pay (although they certainly have the money to treat us all).

In your situation, I told my parents we would love to join but are already planning a trip to London to visit friends (which was true) so unfortunately it’s not in our budget for next year. That gave them a clear opportunity to offer to pay, but they didn’t so we didn’t go.

You should try the same. Just tell them you’ve already planned/committed to something else and give them the hint.

Are you not embarassed to accept money from your parents or inlaws now that you are an adult? I would be. In my culture we pay for our parents and inlaws once they get older, even if we are not as wealthy as them. Just a sign of respect for our parents they have done for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what my parents do - say they are dying to go on a family vacation and then pick something that interests them and is often inconvenient for others, then expect us to pay (although they certainly have the money to treat us all).

In your situation, I told my parents we would love to join but are already planning a trip to London to visit friends (which was true) so unfortunately it’s not in our budget for next year. That gave them a clear opportunity to offer to pay, but they didn’t so we didn’t go.

You should try the same. Just tell them you’ve already planned/committed to something else and give them the hint.

Are you not embarassed to accept money from your parents or inlaws now that you are an adult? I would be. In my culture we pay for our parents and inlaws once they get older, even if we are not as wealthy as them. Just a sign of respect for our parents they have done for us.

Oh, so in your culture you also disclaim any inheritance, because you don't take money from your parents as an adult?

No?

Then pipe down. It all ends up as a wash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what my parents do - say they are dying to go on a family vacation and then pick something that interests them and is often inconvenient for others, then expect us to pay (although they certainly have the money to treat us all).

In your situation, I told my parents we would love to join but are already planning a trip to London to visit friends (which was true) so unfortunately it’s not in our budget for next year. That gave them a clear opportunity to offer to pay, but they didn’t so we didn’t go.

You should try the same. Just tell them you’ve already planned/committed to something else and give them the hint.

Are you not embarassed to accept money from your parents or inlaws now that you are an adult? I would be. In my culture we pay for our parents and inlaws once they get older, even if we are not as wealthy as them. Just a sign of respect for our parents they have done for us.

Oh, so in your culture you also disclaim any inheritance, because you don't take money from your parents as an adult?

No?

Then pipe down. It all ends up as a wash.

+1

[Anonymous]

Disney Cruises are a lot of fun. With the on board activities you can find a way to be away from them (spa appointments, movies, reservation restaurants for dates). If you really don’t want to do it say it isn’t in the budget because you’re saving for Europe. Otherwise, Disney does a lot of 3-4 night cruises or European Cruises... you can make it shorter or kill two birds with one stone. (Yes I know touring Europe by cruise is not the same as on land.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what my parents do - say they are dying to go on a family vacation and then pick something that interests them and is often inconvenient for others, then expect us to pay (although they certainly have the money to treat us all).

In your situation, I told my parents we would love to join but are already planning a trip to London to visit friends (which was true) so unfortunately it’s not in our budget for next year. That gave them a clear opportunity to offer to pay, but they didn’t so we didn’t go.

You should try the same. Just tell them you’ve already planned/committed to something else and give them the hint.

Are you not embarassed to accept money from your parents or inlaws now that you are an adult? I would be. In my culture we pay for our parents and inlaws once they get older, even if we are not as wealthy as them. Just a sign of respect for our parents they have done for us.

I'm with you on this one. At some point you have to grow up, pay your own way and have some dignity. I'm about as American as it gets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As for letting parents pay... my dad earns roughly ten times what we do every year. He can pay for all sorts of things we can't, and he likes spending time with us on his terms. I don't know why it bothers some of you so much to let a parent pay.

We were taken to Europe, but at a place we didn't like, on the kind of trip we don't enjoy, and completely out of budget. He was happy because we joined him. We were happy because we made him happy and could still afford braces. What could possibly be the problem here?


OP, would you be willing to pay for a trip that fit you all better? Or is there no trip that works for everyone's budget? I wouldn't pay for a Disney cruise, either.

Its asking someone else to pay that is a problem, especially for something you neither need nor really want.

It is tricky with parents, but my main point is that sometimes the parents really like to see their kids and grandkids. Money shouldn't stand in the way of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As for letting parents pay... my dad earns roughly ten times what we do every year. He can pay for all sorts of things we can't, and he likes spending time with us on his terms. I don't know why it bothers some of you so much to let a parent pay.

We were taken to Europe, but at a place we didn't like, on the kind of trip we don't enjoy, and completely out of budget. He was happy because we joined him. We were happy because we made him happy and could still afford braces. What could possibly be the problem here?


OP, would you be willing to pay for a trip that fit you all better? Or is there no trip that works for everyone's budget? I wouldn't pay for a Disney cruise, either.

I'm a mom of adults. Sounds like many posters work plus have kids yet parents/IL's act like all are retired with nothing else to do. And are dictating how to spend their adult children's disposable income plus allocate scarce vacation time. One of my DC's has pressure for lengthy vacation etc plus frequent dinners. Intrusive. I would offer a 4 day weekend full payment for them as parents of tots including airfare, hotel, etc to a nice Disneyworld resort. Beachclub. Us in our own room and no-nag/tag a long days. This spring paid for a vacation of one DC+partner choice and never thought once about us going also. Different category than seeing cute little grandchildren at Disney, beach, Williamsburg, etc.

I'm the poster above. Yeah, you seem to be where I am with this: parents: if you want the kids with your own terms, make it a gift. kids: accept gracefully if you can and don't let the money take on more meaning than it should.


I think my contribution to that European trip we went on was that I used up almost all my leave (which is money).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what my parents do - say they are dying to go on a family vacation and then pick something that interests them and is often inconvenient for others, then expect us to pay (although they certainly have the money to treat us all).

In your situation, I told my parents we would love to join but are already planning a trip to London to visit friends (which was true) so unfortunately it’s not in our budget for next year. That gave them a clear opportunity to offer to pay, but they didn’t so we didn’t go.

You should try the same. Just tell them you’ve already planned/committed to something else and give them the hint.

Are you not embarassed to accept money from your parents or inlaws now that you are an adult? I would be. In my culture we pay for our parents and inlaws once they get older, even if we are not as wealthy as them. Just a sign of respect for our parents they have done for us.

No. I am not. I'm the one whose dad earns 10 times what I do. I am not embarrassed at all. What would upset my father is if he saw me less, or didn't pay for important things like braces because I spent the money on visiting him when he could afford both easily. It would embarrass him terribly to see me make a choice like that.

Respect among our group is working together as a family so that we all have what we need and we all get to be together. (In other words better to see me on his doorstep than to know that my absence is a sign of respect.")

You don't have to do it our way, but your blanket statements are naive and offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what my parents do - say they are dying to go on a family vacation and then pick something that interests them and is often inconvenient for others, then expect us to pay (although they certainly have the money to treat us all).

In your situation, I told my parents we would love to join but are already planning a trip to London to visit friends (which was true) so unfortunately it’s not in our budget for next year. That gave them a clear opportunity to offer to pay, but they didn’t so we didn’t go.

You should try the same. Just tell them you’ve already planned/committed to something else and give them the hint.

Are you not embarassed to accept money from your parents or inlaws now that you are an adult? I would be. In my culture we pay for our parents and inlaws once they get older, even if we are not as wealthy as them. Just a sign of respect for our parents they have done for us.

Oh, so in your culture you also disclaim any inheritance, because you don't take money from your parents as an adult?

No?

Then pipe down. It all ends up as a wash.

No, inheritance is fine because the parents are already dead by then. We don’t take ourboarents’ money when they are alive and can spend it on themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what my parents do - say they are dying to go on a family vacation and then pick something that interests them and is often inconvenient for others, then expect us to pay (although they certainly have the money to treat us all).

In your situation, I told my parents we would love to join but are already planning a trip to London to visit friends (which was true) so unfortunately it’s not in our budget for next year. That gave them a clear opportunity to offer to pay, but they didn’t so we didn’t go.

You should try the same. Just tell them you’ve already planned/committed to something else and give them the hint.

Are you not embarassed to accept money from your parents or inlaws now that you are an adult? I would be. In my culture we pay for our parents and inlaws once they get older, even if we are not as wealthy as them. Just a sign of respect for our parents they have done for us.

I'm with you on this one. At some point you have to grow up, pay your own way and have some dignity. I'm about as American as it gets.

I’m thinking maybe it’s a generational thing. My American friends don’t take money from
their parents either and would be embarrassed to do so. It seems that it’s not so taboo with the Milennials though.

[Anonymous]

I forgot to mention that we’re all generation X.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know, i’m Generation x and I would be fine with it but both DH and I do not have families with money. I do hope to pay for vacations for my DCs when they have the expense of young kids, etc