I just turned 40 and my DH tells me he loves me but doesn’t feel the same
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Anonymous
| 2 pages in, still nobody has asked the obvious: how is your sex life? |
Anonymous
You need to ask and talk and get more information instead of just assuming this is what he meant. |
Anonymous
| I still don't understand how anyone can tell what this post is about... I read it as DH loves her and she doesn't feel the same but I guess I'm wrong? |
Anonymous
ha.. I'm happily married. Our marriage has never been stronger. We've been through the tough toddler times. My DH is a fantastic dad and husband, and it makes me love (and have sex with) him all the more. He goes the extra mile for his family. During the early years of kids' lives, it was tough. I was too tired after giving so much to the kids and working FT. Yes, DH was not happy about it, but guess what.. he stuck it through and tried to be understanding. That's a real man. I see way too many man-babies who don't want to take half the load, but then still expect the DW to meet his needs. Lots of selfish men out there. |
Anonymous
Wait. You just said your DH is not a man baby, he carries his weight. Yet despite that, you gave all you had to the kids and your job such that you were "too tired" for DH. You stopped short of saying it but I will: you rejected him for sex alot. (That's what you mean, right?) Sounds like YOU were the selfish baby. He did his fair part, yet you did not really care about his needs. Lots of selfish DWs out there. |
Anonymous
Haven't you both learned there is lots of selfish everybodies out there? We are all selfish, horrible people, and we are the only ones who are right, and our experiences are the only correct ones. Where have you been, under a rock? |
Anonymous
dude watching TV does NOT mean emotional affair! what's your definition of emotional affair anyway? thinking of anything but you? |
Anonymous
G@d you sound insufferable! I bet you voted for Trump. |
Anonymous
| I’m not even 40 and I don’t feel the same way about dh. I love him certainly but having a toddler and his work travel makes it harder to reconnect. We did 2 days overnight away from dd and it was glorious and we made a pact to spend at least 2 hrs a day that we weren’t sleeping or having sex NOT talking about the kid. Helped but it’s been 6 months and I need that sort of relationship refresh. |
Anonymous
Not the poster that asked but cross country move, giving up job and his career being primary, plus toddlers - that’s a lot of change. What was the conversation before he took the job with more travel and money and you moved cross country? I’m not saying that you can’t change your mind but if it was all signals go, I can SAH now, and it will be an adventure? If so, it would be hellavu confusing that the person isn’t happy. Was there discussion about it being a sacrifice to give up your career, beyond the money, to put his first and to make this work you needed him to be able to be hands on during the weekends and for you to have help during the week while he traveled? Or to live in a neighborhood that was a real community (upsides and downsides to this) so you would really get to know other people prior to kids going to school and could build a network? If you are coming up with solutions and he is shooting them all down, that’s one thing. But if you aren’t trying to think of things that improve your situation how will things get better? There is a whole thread about outsourcing http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/726040.page. I look at it this way, it cheaper to get someone to clean your house x times a month, if this is a bone of contention, then have built up resentment, have to nag, have less time for self and DH. Look for those options that benefit your well being AND work for the job he has I.e. not adding crazy time onto commute, extending hours, requiring him to get a different job etc. and have a discussion from there. |
Anonymous
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OP, it sounds like you are both pretty unhappy and he finally voiced it. This feels different. You are both miserable.
You are resentful of the move, of being at home all day with toddlers, of giving up your job, of him not being home. I don't know what he is resentful of...maybe he thought you wanted to be a SAHM and now you don't maybe he thought you wanted to move / for him to take the job and now you don't, maybe you used to complain about money and wanting more. You guys are in a rut. This sounds fixable but you need to fix it before the resentment fills all feelings. |
Anonymous
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I don't feel the same way about my wife either. The spark is gone, there's no fun left and my ideas of spontaneous nights out are met with rebuke.
I gave up, I can only take so much rejection before I'm like...why bother. No sex, no fun and all I get is complaining |