Should I have this affair?

[justthinking]

.

[Anonymous]

He has three options: resume sex life, open marriage, or divorce. Barring medical issues and/or other circumstances that are out of his control, he doesn't get to unilaterally imposed celibacy on you.

[Anonymous]

It's not a good situation to be in, OP, but I think the least worst option is to have a discreet affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:go for it. ( male) Enjoy to the max. Just be careful. Sexless marriage is the worst as it affects everything: confidence, self esteem, energy, personal care, emotional outlook and presenttation(s), work enjoyment, etc, etc , etc. Yes GO FOR IT.

Not sure about condoning the affair but the rest of this is so true..

[Anonymous]

Having an affair will lead to a divorce and all the pain that that brings plus you will also lose your self respect and the respect of others. So get a divorce and all that brings but maintain your dignity and self respect. Tell your husband to change or you will leave and draw a line in the sand for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having an affair will lead to a divorce and all the pain that that brings plus you will also lose your self respect and the respect of others. So get a divorce and all that brings but maintain your dignity and self respect. Tell your husband to change or you will leave and draw a line in the sand for him.

I wouldn't lose respect for someone in a sexless marriage who decided to have an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a wife who did have an affair, I would say NO. Do not do it. I regret my choice with every fiber of my being. It was wrong, selfish, hurtful, and created even more of a mess in my marriage than there was before I did it (and ours included very little sex too). I lost all integrity and self-respect for myself. Yours is a difficult situation, no doubt about it, but there are healthier choices to make on how to deal with it than banging another married guy.

However, I get the feeling you've made up your mind already, and if that's the case then nothing I say will deter you. But the time after my affair was truly my rock bottom and the worst time in my life. Please don't do that to yourself and your family.

Good luck.

Please elaborate on how is it even possible to "create more mess than before"? A sexless marriage is pretty much end of the line - it really can't get any worse than being married to a platonic roommate without any outlet for normal sexual desire. It's easy to say "just say NO" but that solves nothing. What specific solution are you recommending?

[Anonymous]

OP from the "discovered affair, now what" thread.

People seemed pretty understanding of my DH's decision to have an affair after three years without sex. They seem to be against this PP doing that after seven years. What's the difference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you had a serious discussion with your husband about the state of intimacy in your marriage? Have you asked him to see a doctor for possible health issues, or a therapist?

That should be your first step. Not sleeping with some other guy.

OP here. Yes, we've had this discussion. And we've had the open relationship discussion. It's always, next week things will change.

I love how all these clueless posters suggest obvious remedies to a dead bedroom. Your husband hasn't touched you in 7 years? Have you talked to him about it?

I've been in your shoes, OP, and these people have no idea what a toll it takes on a woman to have a husband who won't touch her. Aren't men supposed to *want* to have sex with the woman they marry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd try to find a single man. You don't know what your potential AP's wife is capable of doing if she found out.

If you are married and want to stay married, your best option is an AP who is also married not a single man.

I disagree. A married AP automatically comes with a wild card- their wife. She could very well be crazy, or at the very least reach out to OP's husband if she find out. And let's face it- women are pretty good at finding out when their spouse is having an affair. A single man is far less likely to rock the boat.

[Anonymous]

After 7 years the odds of your husband showing renewed and sustained interest in you are slim to none. You may get a "ONS" once in awhile but that's not what you are looking for. Don't cheapen yourself with an affair but it sounds like its time to move on. In the mean time buy yourself a few toys to sustain you until you are divorced. Some of them are better than a man and they are available when you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are evil and an idiot

No, she's normal and horny.

+ 1000. The idiot is the spouse who thinks it's fine to deprive their partner of sex indefinitely and not expect consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a wife who did have an affair, I would say NO. Do not do it. I regret my choice with every fiber of my being. It was wrong, selfish, hurtful, and created even more of a mess in my marriage than there was before I did it (and ours included very little sex too). I lost all integrity and self-respect for myself. Yours is a difficult situation, no doubt about it, but there are healthier choices to make on how to deal with it than banging another married guy.

However, I get the feeling you've made up your mind already, and if that's the case then nothing I say will deter you. But the time after my affair was truly my rock bottom and the worst time in my life. Please don't do that to yourself and your family.

Good luck.

I was also a wife who had an affair, and I also regret it. I do not regret leaving my marriage. It was a bad marriage and we were terrible together. What I regret is the way I left it. None of my legitimate reasons for leaving the marriage mattered to anyone. That should be reason enough to do things differently if things like respect for marital vows are not meaningful to you right now.

Your marriage sounds like a nice friendship, not a marriage, and if you want to leave, please don't do what I did. Leave with integrity so that later, you do not regret the way that things went down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having an affair will lead to a divorce and all the pain that that brings plus you will also lose your self respect and the respect of others. So get a divorce and all that brings but maintain your dignity and self respect. Tell your husband to change or you will leave and draw a line in the sand for him.

But maybe she wants to stay married (kids, house, finances, etc) which are probably the same reasons her DH stays married to a woman he does not want sex with. Why should HE have that option, but not her? HE is the abnormal party for refusing sex. Let HIM deal with the decision (and take the actions) to divorce if he can't deal with her completely justified affair. She will not lose any respect just for having normal sex needs.

[Anonymous]

OP, right now your DH is the bad guy.
If you cheat, you become the bad guy.

Talk to him. Resume sex life, divorce, or open marriage.

Find a sex partner who is single or in an open marriage.