Trump Example and the Idea of the Disposable Wife

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, take your anti-trump drivel elsewhere! You ppl pollute every discourse with your political obsession. Enough already!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There have never been any societal or professional consequences or opprobrium for dumping an older wife for a younger model. All societal and professional points in such a marriage are attached to the husband so they do not convey.

The consequence for dumping a wife (or getting dumped) is alimony. And the second sentence is total lunacy.

Alimony doesn't hurt professional or social standing.

What part of the second sentence do you not understand? If the husband is a high earner at the top of his profession, he will be in demand socially and professionally. If he leaves his wife and marries someone else, he won't suffer socially or professionally because his professional and social status comes from him, not his wife. Wife #1 won't take those with her when she leaves. That's what "do not convey"means. These things stay with the husband. They don't go with the wife.

You seem to suggest that someone should suffer professionally, be shunned even, because he divorces. Giving a crap about some other couple’s private affairs is nuts. A doctor doesn’t become less proficient as a result of divorcing; we tend to want a good doctor, not a virtuous one.

It used to happen that was often the case. Read this NYT article as it pertains to William Agee, once one of America's "rock star CEOs" at "Bendix, one of the country's largest auto part makers". He took up with his much younger, fresh out of Harvard Business School, executive "protégée" Mary Cunningham. William Agee eventually left Bendix and married Mary Cunningham, but his career was never quite the same again (RCA "shunned" his offer to buy a stake in the company, "saying the chief executive hadn’t 'demonstrated the ability to manage his own affairs, let alone someone else’s.'”). Interestingly, at the end of his life, only weeks away from his death, Mr. Cunningham traveled back "to Seattle to reconnect [and reconcile] with his children and grandchildren with his first wife [Dine Weaver]" and remained there until his death.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/10/business/before-metoo-there-was-mary-cunningham.html

And here is a more recent WSJ story about how a disclosed "romantic relationship" between two "separated" executives at different companies resulted in the woman being "terminated" by her employer, but the man simply remaining in place. I recognize that this is a slightly different situation as the scrutiny came from the possible appearance of a conflict of interest resulting from the "romantic relationship", and not because of the relationship per se. It is nevertheless interesting to note that the conservative, staid WSJ made a point of including the following fact in the article, which was not relevant to the conflict-of-interest accusation since it pertained not to the time (i.e., 2015-16) or corporate employers at issue, but rather to a place of employment where both parties had previously overlapped working together in the distant past (i.e., 2006-08):

"Mr. M[], 57 years old, and Ms. R[], 45, who are still in a relationship, worked together previously at [BofA], where Mr. M[] was general counsel between January 2004 and December 2008. Ms. R[] was an associate general counsel at the bank from June 2006 to June 2011."

https://www.wsj.com/articles/romantic-relationship-with-fannie-mae-ceo-prompted-firing-of-fifth-third-lawyer-1470871838

Both articles are interesting reads on professional issues and consequences related to romantic relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that older men and younger trophy wives have existed forever, but I feel that Trump took it to the next level by demonstrating to even conservative, aspirational, and ambitious men that there are absolutely no societal or professional consequences and opprobium any more for dumping a longtime spouse in favor of an affair partner. If anything Trump shows that such a partner can further and assist in your ambition by making you look younger, or bringing in other professional connections, or simply making you happier with more sex. It makes me sad to see that wives are considered disposable. Anecdotally I have seen a rash of divorces, including some Texas friends who have been together since college (now in their 50s), with children, who have moved around the country a lot so that he could advance in his career. She is beautiful, fun, social, and they always seemed incredibly connected and happy. But now that he earns many millions each year, he is out of the marriage. I can tell you several other stories like that one.

Uh, this is quite normal. Are you new to the world? My CEO recently married a 24yr old. He left his wife for her when she was 222. His wife was 48 and the mother to his 3 kids.

What kind of consequences would there be for our CEO? He still has a great career and a ton of respect from people who matter from an outside perspective. Trump is not special, nor did he start a trend. The more successful a man is the more young pu$$y is thrown at him.

Since this information is obviously public knowledge, and true information, could you please PP post who the CEO of your company is, and include the company's name? I, for one, would like to direct a little public opprobrium and snark his way.

In fact, we should have Jeff start a new public forum called TSL for The Scarlet Letter where people can post publicly available and truthful information about these corporate affairs that break up marriages (Wall Street, Washington, Silicon Valley, etc.) and name the parties involved. Everyone is free to pursue a new life with whomever they want, but that does not mean that they shouldn't be subjected to a little public airing of their dirty laundry for it.

WTF

Why would we do this? What happened is between him and his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There have never been any societal or professional consequences or opprobrium for dumping an older wife for a younger model. All societal and professional points in such a marriage are attached to the husband so they do not convey.

The consequence for dumping a wife (or getting dumped) is alimony. And the second sentence is total lunacy.

I am receiving $11,000/month for the next 6 years in alimony. Hefty child support as well. He can take his "societal and professional points" with him, I have my own. He can also take his mental illness and narcissistic personality along and bestow them upon anyone he pleases.

I hope you got the house too because less than a million for the rest of your life is a slim budget. And of course, no re-marriage allowed in the next six years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Truth is an absolute defense to defamation.

but it doesn't keep you from being sued. You must be fresh out of law school. Cute.

[Anonymous]

It is not lack of shunning that causes cheating, it is lack of character.

If you really care about not getting cheated on, go for character in your spouse above any other trait. Although there are never any guarantees in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truth is an absolute defense to defamation.

but it doesn't keep you from being sued. You must be fresh out of law school. Cute.

Guess what? TMZ gets sued also, but the money it brings in makes it a profitable venture nonetheless. You must be fresh out of you college business program. Cute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truth is an absolute defense to defamation.

but it doesn't keep you from being sued. You must be fresh out of law school. Cute.

Guess what? TMZ gets sued also, but the money it brings in makes it a profitable venture nonetheless. You must be fresh out of you college business program. Cute.

So you and your trashing of obscure CEOs' personal lives is going to make TMZ money? And serve your warped sense of justice...for the wives? Medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not lack of shunning that causes cheating, it is lack of character.

If you really care about not getting cheated on, go for character in your spouse above any other trait. Although there are never any guarantees in life.

I disagree in part. It is not that lack of public reprobation causes cheating, as you say. A not unsubstantial percentage of married men (and women also) have always cheated, continue to cheat, and will always cheat.

What was different in the past, however, is that societal mores and public opprobrium - by and large - kept marriages safely moored to the benefit of the innocent spouse and children. Men (and women) cheated, yes, but they more rarely left their intact families for the affair partner, leaving behind destruction and dysfunction in their wake. Think back just fifteen years ago when politicians and titans of industry could have a career derailed or permanently sidelined over the exposure of an extramarital affair, particularly one for which you abandoned a spouse or two (e.g., Newt Gingrich and William Agee). Yet after the Trump effect married men (and women) can rightly rationalize the following to themselves: "Not only will having an extramarital affair and leaving my family NOT jeopardize the career and reputation I have worked so long and hard to establish, but gosh darn it, I can still grow up to be President one day."

Yes the Scarlet Letter was a bad thing, but I believe that the pendulum has now swung too far to the opposite extreme. One male poster, who is a rising corporate executive, told the following story in another Thread on this Forum. A female colleague he worked with was uncomfortable with an obvious romantic relationship that their senior executive boss was having with a different female colleague, so she approached their boss to tell him so. The senior executive denied the relationship and told the woman that if she ever brought up the subject again, he would fire her. Some time later, their boss left his longtime wife and their family for their other colleague. We should be able to approach the people we work with, without the threat of being terminated, to tell them that an extramarital romantic relationship makes us uncomfortable, and the persons involved should be made to internalize the cost of the discomfort that their behavior is causing, not only their families, but also their professional colleagues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not lack of shunning that causes cheating, it is lack of character.

If you really care about not getting cheated on, go for character in your spouse above any other trait. Although there are never any guarantees in life.

I disagree in part. It is not that lack of public reprobation causes cheating, as you say. A not unsubstantial percentage of married men (and women also) have always cheated, continue to cheat, and will always cheat.

What was different in the past, however, is that societal mores and public opprobrium - by and large - kept marriages safely moored to the benefit of the innocent spouse and children. Men (and women) cheated, yes, but they more rarely left their intact families for the affair partner, leaving behind destruction and dysfunction in their wake. Think back just fifteen years ago when politicians and titans of industry could have a career derailed or permanently sidelined over the exposure of an extramarital affair, particularly one for which you abandoned a spouse or two (e.g., Newt Gingrich and William Agee). Yet after the Trump effect married men (and women) can rightly rationalize the following to themselves: "Not only will having an extramarital affair and leaving my family NOT jeopardize the career and reputation I have worked so long and hard to establish, but gosh darn it, I can still grow up to be President one day."

Yes the Scarlet Letter was a bad thing, but I believe that the pendulum has now swung too far to the opposite extreme. One male poster, who is a rising corporate executive, told the following story in another Thread on this Forum. A female colleague he worked with was uncomfortable with an obvious romantic relationship that their senior executive boss was having with a different female colleague, so she approached their boss to tell him so. The senior executive denied the relationship and told the woman that if she ever brought up the subject again, he would fire her. Some time later, their boss left his longtime wife and their family for their other colleague. We should be able to approach the people we work with, without the threat of being terminated, to tell them that an extramarital romantic relationship makes us uncomfortable, and the persons involved should be made to internalize the cost of the discomfort that their behavior is causing, not only their families, but also their professional colleagues.

A mild rebuke, or outing, of even "obscure" persons, as substantiated by facts - and not rumor or innuendo - might not be such a bad thing. It would make actors who break up their families for an affair, internalize some of the cost of the societal discomfort and pain that their behavior imposes upon others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There have never been any societal or professional consequences or opprobrium for dumping an older wife for a younger model. All societal and professional points in such a marriage are attached to the husband so they do not convey.

The consequence for dumping a wife (or getting dumped) is alimony. And the second sentence is total lunacy.

I am receiving $11,000/month for the next 6 years in alimony. Hefty child support as well. He can take his "societal and professional points" with him, I have my own. He can also take his mental illness and narcissistic personality along and bestow them upon anyone he pleases.

So you are an invalid with low IQ who can't get a job? Now in 2018 that's about the only reason for judges to award spousal support: if the wife is unskilled and unemployable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, take your anti-trump drivel elsewhere! You ppl pollute every discourse with your political obsession. Enough already!!!

+1. Pack up and go move to Canada.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There have never been any societal or professional consequences or opprobrium for dumping an older wife for a younger model. All societal and professional points in such a marriage are attached to the husband so they do not convey.

The consequence for dumping a wife (or getting dumped) is alimony. And the second sentence is total lunacy.

I am receiving $11,000/month for the next 6 years in alimony. Hefty child support as well. He can take his "societal and professional points" with him, I have my own. He can also take his mental illness and narcissistic personality along and bestow them upon anyone he pleases.

I hope you got the house too because less than a million for the rest of your life is a slim budget. And of course, no re-marriage allowed in the next six years.

Of course, plus half of the 401K and half of all of our investments/cash/rental properties etc. I secured my own wealth before marriage, so I should be okay, but I appreciate your concern. The millions give me security but alimony keeps cash flowing without interruption as I transition into this next phase. That is how it is intended, and how it will work for me.

And for the woman who is neck and neck with her husband and would proudly not get alimony, its doubtful that you are married to a very high earning spouse, or you might view the sacrifices that you made for his career along the way in a different light. I don't think that you are who this thread is about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There have never been any societal or professional consequences or opprobrium for dumping an older wife for a younger model. All societal and professional points in such a marriage are attached to the husband so they do not convey.

The consequence for dumping a wife (or getting dumped) is alimony. And the second sentence is total lunacy.

I am receiving $11,000/month for the next 6 years in alimony. Hefty child support as well. He can take his "societal and professional points" with him, I have my own. He can also take his mental illness and narcissistic personality along and bestow them upon anyone he pleases.

I hope you got the house too because less than a million for the rest of your life is a slim budget. And of course, no re-marriage allowed in the next six years.

Of course, plus half of the 401K and half of all of our investments/cash/rental properties etc. I secured my own wealth before marriage, so I should be okay, but I appreciate your concern. The millions give me security but alimony keeps cash flowing without interruption as I transition into this next phase. That is how it is intended, and how it will work for me.

And for the woman who is neck and neck with her husband and would proudly not get alimony, its doubtful that you are married to a very high earning spouse, or you might view the sacrifices that you made for his career along the way in a different light. I don't think that you are who this thread is about.

I get it , if we divorced it would be similar

[Anonymous]

I can hardly make sense of your writing. BTW, men are far more disposable in marriage and always have been.