Stop forcing your kids to play team sports

[Anonymous]

At U6, it's not a big deal. By U8, as a coach, the players who were pushed out there by their parents were driving me crazy.

I agree with this. My son didn't like rec soccer much at U6 and was fairly distracted. But by U8 he had gotten much more into it and become a better player. Yes, it is rec, yes, it is for fun, but when other kids on his team were not willing to try or cooperate with the coach, he got a bit frustrated by U8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just pulled my 6 year old from an activity that he wasn't enjoying and wasn't getting anything out of. He explained why he didn't like it and his reasons made sense. What is the point of forcing a child to do something (which is supposed to be fun) that makes him miserable?

Sometimes you have to stick it out but if your child hates baseball or soccer or whatever, take the time to find a healthy activity that he or she doesn't hate.

I would still make my kid finish it out. Teaches them to stick with something through to the end even if they don't like it. That's a life lesson. I tell my kids to make the most/best of a situation. Half the battle is mental and attitude. You go in with a bad attitude, you most likely won't get anything out of it. You go in with a more positive attitude, chances are, you will get something out of it. My parents didn't teach me this lesson, and I regret not sticking out with things when I was younger.

I agree. We generally do make him stick it out. He had to finish gymnastics, which was a physically hard class, had to get over the hump in skating/hockey when it got tough, etc. However, this class, which was a once a week afterschool class (he got pulled out of SACC for it) that was supposed to be fun, wasn't fun for him and his main objection was that he was bored senseless (which was my worry when I signed him up - I thought that it might be too easy). It's a good sport, but the class wasn't the right level. Why make him suffer, make him learn to hate the sport, and have the coaches deal with a kid who clearly wanted to be back at SACC? Blanket rules are easy but I think that parents have to look at each situation separately - especially when it comes to team sports where other kids are affected.

fair enough.

[Anonymous]

I think there could be more self-awareness from both sides.

My 7 year old son sucked at rec soccer and didn't like it and wasn't trying very hard. I talked to him about putting forth his best effort and finishing out what he started, which he took to heart and he did better. And then he didn't play again. I would never allow him to be rude or not listen to the coach.

On the other hand, some of the parents have ridiculous expectations. It's meant to be fun. It's ok if they goof around some or make mistakes or have some fears at the beginning and then work through it. If you are that worked up over YOUNG CHILDREN not playing a recreational sport to your desired level of intensity, you need to check yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're actually going to parent them about being a good teammate. When your kid is out there screwing around and derailing practices and games no matter what the coach does and you sit on the sidelines looking on disinterestedly, your kid is ruining for everyone else and all you're doing is confirming for him that it's okay to be a selfish, shitty teammate. Man up and parent or let them quit.

How about you man up and tell your kid that THAT'S HOW THE WORLD IS. Everything's not going to be perfectly catered to their liking. Everyone's not going to be totally committed in collaborative efforts.
Your kid's gonna experience this in sports...in group projects at school...in the workplace...in family endeavors when it come to planning parties and reunions and funerals. You go ahead and convince your kid that selfish, shitty teammates are an aberration that can be easily alleviated by simply telling mommy or daddy that so-and-so isn't doing their fair share and you're gonna see that later in life it's YOUR kid who's running around acting like a spoiled brat - just like the ones you're complaining about in these formative years.

hit a nerve?

My kid has had to deal with kids who don't pull their weight in group projects. I've had those experiences, too, and it is frustrating. I've told him it sucks, but that is how it is, and he will experience this at work, too. That doesn't mean he has to like it. How about other parents man up and tell their kids to try.

I'm a pp who stated that my DC is not very athletic, and sometimes, spaces out on the field. But, one of us goes to every one of his games, every practice, and pays attention to what he's doing on the field. When we notice he's not paying attention, we let him know to try to focus, and he is part of a team. The group project analogy is something he gets. We are trying to do our part. All we expect is that other parents do their's.

Perhaps you are one of those who don't pull their weight in group projects?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could OP clarify what it means to be a selfish, shitty teammate? Because some of the responses on here seem to say that it means not being good enough or being easily distracted. Are we mad at these kids/parents because what they're doing is bad for the kid, or because the kid is making them lose the game?

I think I answered this at 10:05, but in case it's not clear I'll respond directly. First, I want to make clear I'm not mad at any of the kids in this. I welcome any kid who is willing to try, no matter how well they play or how many games we lose. I welcome the kid who wants to be there but is easily distracted, because that's fairly easy to address by a coach redirecting them. I'm not even mad at the kid who has said explicitly they don't want to be there but their parents are forcing them anyway, because they've had no say in it.

As for the parents, I'm not mad at the parents who force a kid to play but at least will get involved when their U9 kid is directly interfering with a practice drill or sits down on the field in the middle of a game (even though I might make different choices as a parent). They have their kid on the team so they can learn good teamwork and sportsmanship, and are actively engaged in helping to teach that rather than putting it all on some other volunteer. The people I'm mad at are the parents who force their kid to go out there under the guise of having them learn teamwork, but will do absolutely nothing when their kid disrupts practice by deliberately booting balls of the field during a practice drill, or who will goof around on the field during a game not even trying to play but then make fun of their own goalie when they let in a shot that the goof-off kid on defense shouldn't have let become a shot in the first place. If that's what your kid is doing and you're not addressing it as a parent, you are implicitly telling your child that this kind of crappy behavior is acceptable, and that's bad parenting, Plus you're being a jerk to the other kids on the field who are actually trying but being affirmatively hampered by your child messing up their play. Everyone, your own child included, would be better off if you never signed up.

[Anonymous]

Most reasonable parents don’t care if a kid is bad in a rec/development league. It’s the kids who don’t want to play so good off, distract other players, grab them inappropriately, etc. if you aren’t even interested in trying then do something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a 9 year old on my son's baseball team (kids are 9 and 10) who is absolutely terrified of getting hit by the ball. He stands in the back corner of the box and as soon as the pitcher releases the ball he backs out. He looks terrified and miserable. His first 20 at bats he never even swung the bat. He finally swung once with his eyes closed after his dad promised him $20 to swing. I heard his dad talking about signing him up again next year because this is the only sport he plays. Why, just why?

I'm OP, and I won't dictate how you should feel or say I would do what that dad was doing, but I want to clarify that this isn't what I'm talking about. At least that dad was involved and trying to help his kid get over his fears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there could be more self-awareness from both sides.

My 7 year old son sucked at rec soccer and didn't like it and wasn't trying very hard. I talked to him about putting forth his best effort and finishing out what he started, which he took to heart and he did better. And then he didn't play again. I would never allow him to be rude or not listen to the coach.

On the other hand, some of the parents have ridiculous expectations. It's meant to be fun. It's ok if they goof around some or make mistakes or have some fears at the beginning and then work through it. If you are that worked up over YOUNG CHILDREN not playing a recreational sport to your desired level of intensity, you need to check yourself.

I agree. At 7, expectations shouldn't be that high. But at some point, you expect older kids to be more mindful, or at the least, expect parents to pay attention to what their kids are doing. And I say this as someone with an unathletic kid but who is trying.

Personally, I'm not expecting all kids to be focused at all times, but there are those kids who goof off a lot, to the point where it's distracting and detrimental to the whole team. It makes practices useless and difficult. They get nothing done during practice because that one kid is totally off the rails. Think about a disruptive child in a classroom, and how much the teacher has to spend time with that one distracted child to the detriment of the whole class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a kid on my sons soccer team who shows up to practice in jeans and basically just picks grass all the time. I have no idea why he’s there or why his parents think it’s a good experience for him. It’s really sad.

So you would prefer for them to have a son that does not play sports?

Picking grass is not a sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a 9 year old on my son's baseball team (kids are 9 and 10) who is absolutely terrified of getting hit by the ball. He stands in the back corner of the box and as soon as the pitcher releases the ball he backs out. He looks terrified and miserable. His first 20 at bats he never even swung the bat. He finally swung once with his eyes closed after his dad promised him $20 to swing. I heard his dad talking about signing him up again next year because this is the only sport he plays. Why, just why?

They're 9. They're learning. Sounds like he's made progress. I agree that parents should do something if their kid is misbehaving (what the pp describes is not that) but I disagree that kids who don't have it all together at 9 shouldn't even be there. Geesh.

TOTALLY agree with this poster. The PP complaining about a kid who is afraid of the ball and not great at playing is not at all addressing the same issue as OP. OP is talking about a bratty kid acting out, which is not the same thing.
The observation of the kid wincing at the ball and "looking terrified and miserable" may not be an issue for that family because maybe the kid really WANTS to play...just hasn't overcome his fear of being hit yet. This isn't the majors, dude. Lighten up.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you shouldn't force it after age 7, IMO. Before then is fine so they can try various sports and see what they may like or be good at. Before age 8, most teams sports are watered-down versions anyway. In soccer they pretty much just all chase the ball and you have the random kids who just plop down for a rest right in the middle of the pitch. In baseball, they still have a pitching machine or coach pitching. In flag football, it's pretty much just run after the person with the ball. Lacrosse is a mixture of running around and sword fighting with their sticks.

Second grade, age 8, is when you start to see the kids really getting serious about the sport. They start learning the positions, plays, more rules, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I don't sign my son with ADHD up for team sports. Once when he was in kindergarten, he was a soccer goalie and took his attention off of the ball for a second- the other team scored. Another parent became extremely upset because kindergarten rec soccer is so important that he thought it was appropriate to begin criticizing a six year old in front of his mom all of the other parents.

There are no goalies in kindergarten soccer in most Counties. They aren’t allowed. Wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is why I don't sign my son with ADHD up for team sports. Once when he was in kindergarten, he was a soccer goalie and took his attention off of the ball for a second- the other team scored. Another parent became extremely upset because kindergarten rec soccer is so important that he thought it was appropriate to begin criticizing a six year old in front of his mom all of the other parents.


Goalie is the most difficult spot. bless them all.

What league has goalies in kindergarten? The ones we've participated in don't start goalies until third grade.

I was thinking the same thing. OP, it may be that whatever league your child was in was not developmentally appropriate.

He was a goal keeper for that game- I shouldn’t have said goalie. We decided soccer wasn’t right for him because he processes slowly and has attention problems, but also, from the other side of this, the parents seemed like they would have no patience for struggling kids if it disappointed or inconvenienced their child in any way. It goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you shouldn't force it after age 7, IMO. Before then is fine so they can try various sports and see what they may like or be good at. Before age 8, most teams sports are watered-down versions anyway. In soccer they pretty much just all chase the ball and you have the random kids who just plop down for a rest right in the middle of the pitch. In baseball, they still have a pitching machine or coach pitching. In flag football, it's pretty much just run after the person with the ball. Lacrosse is a mixture of running around and sword fighting with their sticks.

Second grade, age 8, is when you start to see the kids really getting serious about the sport. They start learning the positions, plays, more rules, etc.

So in your opinion if a child wants to try a new sport at age 8 or older, they should just stay home if they're not already up to speed and serious about it.

I truly loathe what youth sports has become. It SUCKS for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is why I don't sign my son with ADHD up for team sports. Once when he was in kindergarten, he was a soccer goalie and took his attention off of the ball for a second- the other team scored. Another parent became extremely upset because kindergarten rec soccer is so important that he thought it was appropriate to begin criticizing a six year old in front of his mom all of the other parents.


Goalie is the most difficult spot. bless them all.

What league has goalies in kindergarten? The ones we've participated in don't start goalies until third grade.

I was thinking the same thing. OP, it may be that whatever league your child was in was not developmentally appropriate.

He was a goal keeper for that game- I shouldn’t have said goalie. We decided soccer wasn’t right for him because he processes slowly and has attention problems, but also, from the other side of this, the parents seemed like they would have no patience for struggling kids if it disappointed or inconvenienced their child in any way. It goes both ways.

pp here again- and yes, for that game, they rotated kids in and out to be the goal keeper- this is a true story and was instrumental in our family giving up soccer.