Stop forcing your kids to play team sports

[Anonymous]

Has anyone ever walked onto the field or court to tell the misbehaving kids to respect the coach, respect their teammates, and stop wasting everyone's time? Or is "singling out other people's kids" somehow crossing a line?

Asking for an angry friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever walked onto the field or court to tell the misbehaving kids to respect the coach, respect their teammates, and stop wasting everyone's time? Or is "singling out other people's kids" somehow crossing a line?

Asking for an angry friend

Tempting but can embarrass your own kid. this is a tough one. I usually stick with lead by example type advice and just try to focus on how my kid should handle the situation. They will come across this problem many times in life and need to learn some coping strategies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're actually going to parent them about being a good teammate. When your kid is out there screwing around and derailing practices and games no matter what the coach does and you sit on the sidelines looking on disinterestedly, your kid is ruining for everyone else and all you're doing is confirming for him that it's okay to be a selfish, shitty teammate. Man up and parent or let them quit.

How about you man up and tell your kid that THAT'S HOW THE WORLD IS. Everything's not going to be perfectly catered to their liking. Everyone's not going to be totally committed in collaborative efforts.
Your kid's gonna experience this in sports...in group projects at school...in the workplace...in family endeavors when it come to planning parties and reunions and funerals. You go ahead and convince your kid that selfish, shitty teammates are an aberration that can be easily alleviated by simply telling mommy or daddy that so-and-so isn't doing their fair share and you're gonna see that later in life it's YOUR kid who's running around acting like a spoiled brat - just like the ones you're complaining about in these formative years.

hit a nerve?

My kid has had to deal with kids who don't pull their weight in group projects. I've had those experiences, too, and it is frustrating. I've told him it sucks, but that is how it is, and he will experience this at work, too. That doesn't mean he has to like it. How about other parents man up and tell their kids to try.

I'm a pp who stated that my DC is not very athletic, and sometimes, spaces out on the field. But, one of us goes to every one of his games, every practice, and pays attention to what he's doing on the field. When we notice he's not paying attention, we let him know to try to focus, and he is part of a team. The group project analogy is something he gets. We are trying to do our part. All we expect is that other parents do their's.

Perhaps you are one of those who don't pull their weight in group projects?

Speculate all you want. I'm not the one raising a crybaby who can't tie their own shoes without mommy and daddy's assistance or cope with the realities of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever walked onto the field or court to tell the misbehaving kids to respect the coach, respect their teammates, and stop wasting everyone's time? Or is "singling out other people's kids" somehow crossing a line?

Asking for an angry friend

Yes, totally do this. You will not seem insane at all. The coach will appreciate the implication that he or she can't manage the situation and will be very grateful that you have arrived to save the day without being asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're actually going to parent them about being a good teammate. When your kid is out there screwing around and derailing practices and games no matter what the coach does and you sit on the sidelines looking on disinterestedly, your kid is ruining for everyone else and all you're doing is confirming for him that it's okay to be a selfish, shitty teammate. Man up and parent or let them quit.

How about you man up and tell your kid that THAT'S HOW THE WORLD IS. Everything's not going to be perfectly catered to their liking. Everyone's not going to be totally committed in collaborative efforts.
Your kid's gonna experience this in sports...in group projects at school...in the workplace...in family endeavors when it come to planning parties and reunions and funerals. You go ahead and convince your kid that selfish, shitty teammates are an aberration that can be easily alleviated by simply telling mommy or daddy that so-and-so isn't doing their fair share and you're gonna see that later in life it's YOUR kid who's running around acting like a spoiled brat - just like the ones you're complaining about in these formative years.

hit a nerve?

My kid has had to deal with kids who don't pull their weight in group projects. I've had those experiences, too, and it is frustrating. I've told him it sucks, but that is how it is, and he will experience this at work, too. That doesn't mean he has to like it. How about other parents man up and tell their kids to try.

I'm a pp who stated that my DC is not very athletic, and sometimes, spaces out on the field. But, one of us goes to every one of his games, every practice, and pays attention to what he's doing on the field. When we notice he's not paying attention, we let him know to try to focus, and he is part of a team. The group project analogy is something he gets. We are trying to do our part. All we expect is that other parents do their's.

Perhaps you are one of those who don't pull their weight in group projects?

Speculate all you want. I'm not the one raising a crybaby who can't tie their own shoes without mommy and daddy's assistance or cope with the realities of life.

Oh, the irony. Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you shouldn't force it after age 7, IMO. Before then is fine so they can try various sports and see what they may like or be good at. Before age 8, most teams sports are watered-down versions anyway. In soccer they pretty much just all chase the ball and you have the random kids who just plop down for a rest right in the middle of the pitch. In baseball, they still have a pitching machine or coach pitching. In flag football, it's pretty much just run after the person with the ball. Lacrosse is a mixture of running around and sword fighting with their sticks.

Second grade, age 8, is when you start to see the kids really getting serious about the sport. They start learning the positions, plays, more rules, etc.

So in your opinion if a child wants to try a new sport at age 8 or older, they should just stay home if they're not already up to speed and serious about it.

I truly loathe what youth sports has become. It SUCKS for the kids.

I totally agree. The expectations are ridiculous. A fourth-grader should be able to try out a new sport. Not everyone has to be "serious" about elementary-school soccer or whatever. There really should be a space for kids who just want to learn to play a game and have fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is why I don't sign my son with ADHD up for team sports. Once when he was in kindergarten, he was a soccer goalie and took his attention off of the ball for a second- the other team scored. Another parent became extremely upset because kindergarten rec soccer is so important that he thought it was appropriate to begin criticizing a six year old in front of his mom all of the other parents.


Goalie is the most difficult spot. bless them all.

What league has goalies in kindergarten? The ones we've participated in don't start goalies until third grade.

I was thinking the same thing. OP, it may be that whatever league your child was in was not developmentally appropriate.

He was a goal keeper for that game- I shouldn’t have said goalie. We decided soccer wasn’t right for him because he processes slowly and has attention problems, but also, from the other side of this, the parents seemed like they would have no patience for struggling kids if it disappointed or inconvenienced their child in any way. It goes both ways.

You can totally say 'goalie'. I just meant that there are technically 'no positions' and there definitely is not allowed a goalie/goalkeeper in Kindergarten soccer.

[Anonymous]

I was one of the early posters. I think the point is that parents should deal with their kids that are being jerks on a team once the coach has asked them to stop. I have coached plenty of kids that are new to a sport, and they give their best effort, listen, and don't disrupt so other kids can't learn. That is the point. If you are going to play on a team, you have to learn how to be a good teammate. That is part of what a coach is supposed to teach and sometimes the parents need to step up and help.

Most kids are not going to play these sports in college or even high school. I believe team sports are important to learning how to function as a normal person in the workplace. It is one of the ways to learn to be a team player at an early age.

[Anonymous]

I honestly think that 90% of this is the coach's job. If the kid is being disrespectful (which includes not trying, attitude, disinterest, distractedness), you pull them off the field and send them to their parents. Tell the parents why (or tell the kid to tell the parents). If the parents don't want to do anything about it and/or the kid doesn't shape up on his/her own, the kid doesn't get to play in the game again. If the kid does this in practice, you send them home or make them run laps. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Sounds simple, yet 90% of the kids who misbehave are the coach's son or daughter and his or her friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly think that 90% of this is the coach's job. If the kid is being disrespectful (which includes not trying, attitude, disinterest, distractedness), you pull them off the field and send them to their parents. Tell the parents why (or tell the kid to tell the parents). If the parents don't want to do anything about it and/or the kid doesn't shape up on his/her own, the kid doesn't get to play in the game again. If the kid does this in practice, you send them home or make them run laps. End of story.

I think this can be tough for a coach because it's often a parent volunteer who has to interact with that other parent at school, other activities, etc. Kicking a kid off the field and telling the parent that they need to do something about the kid's behavior can end up having social consequences beyond just the team, which sucks for the coaching parent. Also, some rec leagues have rules that rec coaches can't bench players unless they've gone through a whole disciplinary process with the league, which can get really ugly. Finally, even if you can get permission from your league to bench a player, what happens if the team ends up short a player at that game? Do you let the benched player play anyway (and undermine your discipline)? Play down a man and let the whole team suffer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly think that 90% of this is the coach's job. If the kid is being disrespectful (which includes not trying, attitude, disinterest, distractedness), you pull them off the field and send them to their parents. Tell the parents why (or tell the kid to tell the parents). If the parents don't want to do anything about it and/or the kid doesn't shape up on his/her own, the kid doesn't get to play in the game again. If the kid does this in practice, you send them home or make them run laps. End of story.

I think this can be tough for a coach because it's often a parent volunteer who has to interact with that other parent at school, other activities, etc. Kicking a kid off the field and telling the parent that they need to do something about the kid's behavior can end up having social consequences beyond just the team, which sucks for the coaching parent. Also, some rec leagues have rules that rec coaches can't bench players unless they've gone through a whole disciplinary process with the league, which can get really ugly. Finally, even if you can get permission from your league to bench a player, what happens if the team ends up short a player at that game? Do you let the benched player play anyway (and undermine your discipline)? Play down a man and let the whole team suffer?

Ugh, this sucks. Sounds like paid coaches are an excellent solution. Why can't they raise the fees (and supplement for lower income kids when necessary) and hire somebody?

[Anonymous]

I usually will just bench them and if the parents want to argue about it I’ll make sure that they know it is entirely due to their players’ attitude. Usually they shape up immediately, and if they want to keep arguing about it then they’re not people you want on your team to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a kid on my sons soccer team who shows up to practice in jeans and basically just picks grass all the time. I have no idea why he’s there or why his parents think it’s a good experience for him. It’s really sad.

So you would prefer for them to have a son that does not play sports?

He’s NOT playing the sport and DOESN’T enjoy it!! That’s the whole point behind the post!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a 9 year old on my son's baseball team (kids are 9 and 10) who is absolutely terrified of getting hit by the ball. He stands in the back corner of the box and as soon as the pitcher releases the ball he backs out. He looks terrified and miserable. His first 20 at bats he never even swung the bat. He finally swung once with his eyes closed after his dad promised him $20 to swing. I heard his dad talking about signing him up again next year because this is the only sport he plays. Why, just why?

With a helmet on how could you know his eyes were closed?